I look forward to a new year. What it entails. What it surprises me with. What it disappoints me with, well I take that back I don't want any more disappointment. I have said it time and time again that I don't believe everyone is an a-hole, there's got to be a good guy out there! Well, I'm also sick of being the "nice" girl and promise myself that 2010 will be different in choices I make and people I meet or even consider giving the time of day.
I have made the mistake with my giant heart of letting people (back) into my life who don't add to it only add frustration. I'm done. I'm sick of being nice and forgiving when I know I'll never be able to forget. Ever. I don't like carrying the hurt around with me, I just want it to release into some other world. Perhaps the "dark Bradshaw" is now ready to move on and return to me with hope for a better outcome. This LA Bradshaw needs a debut and with valor. I'm still me but I miss the original.
In this past year I couldn't be happier I took a mancation as it allowed me to talk to me and find out what I need and who I am looking for and get even closer to my girlfriends, near and far. There's so much love in my life that I often question if there's room for someone new but I know there is and I can't wait. I wish for every tear I had shed spares my heart another blunder. I sit, wrapped in a blanket by the Christmas tree at my parents house, writing this and can't help but marvel of what will life give me in 2010?
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Blog Worthy
Sidebar:
1. You know Mario disappeared weeks ago.
2. I again, no longer speak to Ringo (I haven't blogged about him as of yet but maybe I'll do a flashback in honor of LOST -one of my favorite shows - perhaps a side-back?) after he blew me off w/ no explaination so I left him a vm to "not call me ...ever" and he hasn't. Deleted his number on the spot.
Curtain up
What an adventure we had followed by the strangest way to end my year in LA.
DISCLAIMER: YOU MAY WANT TO WATCH AN EPISODE OF JERSEY SHORE TO GET SOME OF MY REFERENCES.
After dropping off Judy B, me and Cedes decide to jump to the local bar to catch a nightcap. I jokingly said "I hope Ringo and Mario are not there." Upon rounding the corner and walking towards the door, Ringo is outside smoking!! I joke, "Well look who it is." (But Cedes didn't know it was him since it had been 1 1/2 years since seeing him last). We fake hug hello and Cedes sensed it was awkward so headed inside to use the loo, and I stand there awkwardly having a not-conversation with him. He's all "You good? How's things?" acting like he did nothing wrong. I'm bored with the conversation so I say, "Well I'm heading in."
I bee-line for the bathroom, and say to her, "Now if Mario is here then the universe is fucking with me." We go mid-bar to try and get a drink. I see this guy next to me out of the corner of my eye sizing us up but don't pay attention (and I know Rngoand his buddies are in a booth but out of visual range). Waiting waiting waiting and this guy is scootching his barstool closer to me and I hear, "I know this girl." I turn an it's Mario! I turn and say "Yeah I know you too." He laughs that he didn't recognize me cause I still had my glasses on but couldn't take his hands off me, I turn and Pimp Daddy (from previous post) is there and is like "Hi, I'm...oh, I didn't recognize you!" So I continue to wait for my drink and Mario is telling me the story of how they were at Happy Endings (ugh) and it the changeover happened (which I had deemed Zombies when we were still speaking) and so they came there but they stole the clicker from the bouncer and we're keeping track how many rejections they could get from girls by just being douches. He says, "You were my next target, then I realized I know you." I said, "Well I can reject you or I can walk away so you can continue your game." He's like, "No, I don't want to play anymore" and kept giving me googley eyes and had his arm around me. His third friend was a douche (I later discovered, so we'll call him that) but he and Cedes went off to play the game, leaving me and Mario alone to talk.
He says, "I'm glad I saw you before you saw me" which made no sense except he explained if I would have seen him first I would have walked by and not said anything. So we're catching up and he's asking me what I'm doing for New Year's. I find out about Thanksgiving and his birthday, tell him I'm leaving for my hometown on Monday. blah blah, then grabs me by the scarf and lays one on me fully attacking my face. I push him away. He tries to go in again and I tell him no. He respects that, everyone comes back, he goes to the bathroom and comes back and is standing in front of me (I'm sitting). Then out of the corner of my eye two ugly chicks roll in (ala Jersey shore) and Mario walks up to them. They're the zombies they met at Happy Endings I guess. Talking with Douche and turn and see Mario making out with the uglier one! I turn back and was shocked!! (he just kissed me like 10 minutes prior). He stays by them the rest of the night and Douche is like "What's the big deal, he's single? Men are dicks right?" I said, "First of all, you're jaded for whatever reason and second, I know Mario so I can't believe he just did that." He's like, "He met #1 at HE and they hit it off but they left, and then we came here and he met #2." I said, "Well I am #1 because I met him months ago, this isn't our first meeting, and she's just sloppy seconds." He's like, "Oooooh." Then moves in for the grenade even though he told me she was so boring but he did it for Mario.
I turn to Cedes and she doesn't know why I'm so shocked except the fact he's making out with the ugliest chick in the bar. I tell her the story in the bathroom and continue to talk to Pimp. Lights come on, tab's paid, Ringo I know saw the brief face attack cause he came up to me at one point at the bar when I was closing and was like "Everything good," and he had his mad face on, then turned to the other guys (who I haven't been talking to) and ask if they need drinks. Dick. Cedes and Pimp go outside to smoke and Ringo waves me over to his booth- at this point, I sit. He's like "Do you need a ride to the airport?" I said, "I do actually." "Would you like me to take you?" "Not really, I don't think you get that I'm pissed at you!" (It's been 2 weeks) He says, "I know, Bradsaw I'm dealing with a lot of family shit. My grandma passed away that night." I said, "Ok, well you can understand why I left the message I did right?" "Yes." and I said, "You should know that you can do me the favor of being honest and courtesy of a phone call to explain yourself, although it wouldn't do much good cause you've lied so many times before. Happy holidays." I got up and walked away.
On my way to the door, Mario stands in my path and says, "Are you leaving?" Hilarious cause I was positive that he forgot I was there for the last half hour. I said, "Yes, great to see you...well it was." He looks at me confused. I said, "It was cool to catch up, but you kissed me and then she showed up and we're on her." He says, "She attacked me" off my look, "Yeah, I wasn't fighting it off very well." Then I told him it was a dick move and imagine if he were in my shoes how he'd feel but it's cool, "have a great night." He says, "I'm jerk, I know. I'm really sorry." I say, "Ok. You will be. Happy holidays, be safe."
I couldn't believe within 5 minutes I just had those 2 conversations, but necessary. It was all like a bad reality show - I kept looking for the cameras cause it wasn't normal. I was easy breezy catching up with Mario and then bam! I wish I would have taken a picture of the piece of trash. Pimp 'couldn't believe' Mario, his friend since 5 years old, and says that it was one of the biggest dick things he's ever done and that he (and Douche before he went in for the grenade) was on her when I'm the better option. Thank you universe for showing me this behavior and allowing closure - and if anything, a really good story for Mancation!
REACTIONS UPON STORY TELLING:
Judy: W.O.W. The universe must have been giving you some closure before the year's end? Can't believe that with Mario...You're a good woman, you're strong, you're funny, you're pretty, and one day you're gonna meet the right guy who knocks these 4-year-old's out of the water. LOVE YOU! Have a happy trip home :)!!
Miss J: OMG Gossip Girl!!! I CAN NOT believe Marioi!!! You need to delete him from your phone. I have no idea what he was doing there picking up people in the first place. You & I were very, very clear that (insert bar) is our regular spot. If he's blowing you off and in turn hooking up with someone else at the bar, then he needs to do it elsewhere. A custody hearing may be in order. And then to tell you that he's seeing how many girls they pick up or whatever is just immature all around. I don't even know what he could say to make last night right. It was just so wrong!
Bummer night, but I guess it's good that you killed two birds with one stone. It must at least feel nice to get that done before you leave and before the new year. They both need to stay back in 2009.
TeTe: That was a crazy story.., sounds like the same shit, different guy. I don't know why men are so incapable of dealing with personal shit. Apparently multitasking and coping don't come with the y chromosome. ugh! Yes mancation is necessary, and so are some new guys in your circle. Not worth one more second worrying about them. 2010 is gonna be our year, it has to be!
1. You know Mario disappeared weeks ago.
2. I again, no longer speak to Ringo (I haven't blogged about him as of yet but maybe I'll do a flashback in honor of LOST -one of my favorite shows - perhaps a side-back?) after he blew me off w/ no explaination so I left him a vm to "not call me ...ever" and he hasn't. Deleted his number on the spot.
Curtain up
What an adventure we had followed by the strangest way to end my year in LA.
DISCLAIMER: YOU MAY WANT TO WATCH AN EPISODE OF JERSEY SHORE TO GET SOME OF MY REFERENCES.
After dropping off Judy B, me and Cedes decide to jump to the local bar to catch a nightcap. I jokingly said "I hope Ringo and Mario are not there." Upon rounding the corner and walking towards the door, Ringo is outside smoking!! I joke, "Well look who it is." (But Cedes didn't know it was him since it had been 1 1/2 years since seeing him last). We fake hug hello and Cedes sensed it was awkward so headed inside to use the loo, and I stand there awkwardly having a not-conversation with him. He's all "You good? How's things?" acting like he did nothing wrong. I'm bored with the conversation so I say, "Well I'm heading in."
I bee-line for the bathroom, and say to her, "Now if Mario is here then the universe is fucking with me." We go mid-bar to try and get a drink. I see this guy next to me out of the corner of my eye sizing us up but don't pay attention (and I know Rngoand his buddies are in a booth but out of visual range). Waiting waiting waiting and this guy is scootching his barstool closer to me and I hear, "I know this girl." I turn an it's Mario! I turn and say "Yeah I know you too." He laughs that he didn't recognize me cause I still had my glasses on but couldn't take his hands off me, I turn and Pimp Daddy (from previous post) is there and is like "Hi, I'm...oh, I didn't recognize you!" So I continue to wait for my drink and Mario is telling me the story of how they were at Happy Endings (ugh) and it the changeover happened (which I had deemed Zombies when we were still speaking) and so they came there but they stole the clicker from the bouncer and we're keeping track how many rejections they could get from girls by just being douches. He says, "You were my next target, then I realized I know you." I said, "Well I can reject you or I can walk away so you can continue your game." He's like, "No, I don't want to play anymore" and kept giving me googley eyes and had his arm around me. His third friend was a douche (I later discovered, so we'll call him that) but he and Cedes went off to play the game, leaving me and Mario alone to talk.
He says, "I'm glad I saw you before you saw me" which made no sense except he explained if I would have seen him first I would have walked by and not said anything. So we're catching up and he's asking me what I'm doing for New Year's. I find out about Thanksgiving and his birthday, tell him I'm leaving for my hometown on Monday. blah blah, then grabs me by the scarf and lays one on me fully attacking my face. I push him away. He tries to go in again and I tell him no. He respects that, everyone comes back, he goes to the bathroom and comes back and is standing in front of me (I'm sitting). Then out of the corner of my eye two ugly chicks roll in (ala Jersey shore) and Mario walks up to them. They're the zombies they met at Happy Endings I guess. Talking with Douche and turn and see Mario making out with the uglier one! I turn back and was shocked!! (he just kissed me like 10 minutes prior). He stays by them the rest of the night and Douche is like "What's the big deal, he's single? Men are dicks right?" I said, "First of all, you're jaded for whatever reason and second, I know Mario so I can't believe he just did that." He's like, "He met #1 at HE and they hit it off but they left, and then we came here and he met #2." I said, "Well I am #1 because I met him months ago, this isn't our first meeting, and she's just sloppy seconds." He's like, "Oooooh." Then moves in for the grenade even though he told me she was so boring but he did it for Mario.
I turn to Cedes and she doesn't know why I'm so shocked except the fact he's making out with the ugliest chick in the bar. I tell her the story in the bathroom and continue to talk to Pimp. Lights come on, tab's paid, Ringo I know saw the brief face attack cause he came up to me at one point at the bar when I was closing and was like "Everything good," and he had his mad face on, then turned to the other guys (who I haven't been talking to) and ask if they need drinks. Dick. Cedes and Pimp go outside to smoke and Ringo waves me over to his booth- at this point, I sit. He's like "Do you need a ride to the airport?" I said, "I do actually." "Would you like me to take you?" "Not really, I don't think you get that I'm pissed at you!" (It's been 2 weeks) He says, "I know, Bradsaw I'm dealing with a lot of family shit. My grandma passed away that night." I said, "Ok, well you can understand why I left the message I did right?" "Yes." and I said, "You should know that you can do me the favor of being honest and courtesy of a phone call to explain yourself, although it wouldn't do much good cause you've lied so many times before. Happy holidays." I got up and walked away.
On my way to the door, Mario stands in my path and says, "Are you leaving?" Hilarious cause I was positive that he forgot I was there for the last half hour. I said, "Yes, great to see you...well it was." He looks at me confused. I said, "It was cool to catch up, but you kissed me and then she showed up and we're on her." He says, "She attacked me" off my look, "Yeah, I wasn't fighting it off very well." Then I told him it was a dick move and imagine if he were in my shoes how he'd feel but it's cool, "have a great night." He says, "I'm jerk, I know. I'm really sorry." I say, "Ok. You will be. Happy holidays, be safe."
I couldn't believe within 5 minutes I just had those 2 conversations, but necessary. It was all like a bad reality show - I kept looking for the cameras cause it wasn't normal. I was easy breezy catching up with Mario and then bam! I wish I would have taken a picture of the piece of trash. Pimp 'couldn't believe' Mario, his friend since 5 years old, and says that it was one of the biggest dick things he's ever done and that he (and Douche before he went in for the grenade) was on her when I'm the better option. Thank you universe for showing me this behavior and allowing closure - and if anything, a really good story for Mancation!
REACTIONS UPON STORY TELLING:
Judy: W.O.W. The universe must have been giving you some closure before the year's end? Can't believe that with Mario...You're a good woman, you're strong, you're funny, you're pretty, and one day you're gonna meet the right guy who knocks these 4-year-old's out of the water. LOVE YOU! Have a happy trip home :)!!
Miss J: OMG Gossip Girl!!! I CAN NOT believe Marioi!!! You need to delete him from your phone. I have no idea what he was doing there picking up people in the first place. You & I were very, very clear that (insert bar) is our regular spot. If he's blowing you off and in turn hooking up with someone else at the bar, then he needs to do it elsewhere. A custody hearing may be in order. And then to tell you that he's seeing how many girls they pick up or whatever is just immature all around. I don't even know what he could say to make last night right. It was just so wrong!
Bummer night, but I guess it's good that you killed two birds with one stone. It must at least feel nice to get that done before you leave and before the new year. They both need to stay back in 2009.
TeTe: That was a crazy story.., sounds like the same shit, different guy. I don't know why men are so incapable of dealing with personal shit. Apparently multitasking and coping don't come with the y chromosome. ugh! Yes mancation is necessary, and so are some new guys in your circle. Not worth one more second worrying about them. 2010 is gonna be our year, it has to be!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Jiffy -continued
We left it like this: "Thanks for taking care of it for me. You rock... I'll call you when I get back about the Bears game... Happy Thanksgiving! best, J"
I started to really look forward to the game that weekend...and he TEXT me right before the game begin to tell me he was hurting from Vegas, but next week. Part of me was like "Really, you couldn't have called or texted me before kick off?"
I threw out one more option of getting together for ball but realized I didn't and shouldn't have to initiate but scheduling didn't work out. We both left town for the holidays so I didn't give it much thought since I had just been duped (in my opinion) by not-so-super Mario that if the opportunity were to come along that I could be open to hanging out in the future, but with no expectation other than a chance to spend time getting to know someone new.
I mean, even choosy moms choose Jif...
I started to really look forward to the game that weekend...and he TEXT me right before the game begin to tell me he was hurting from Vegas, but next week. Part of me was like "Really, you couldn't have called or texted me before kick off?"
I threw out one more option of getting together for ball but realized I didn't and shouldn't have to initiate but scheduling didn't work out. We both left town for the holidays so I didn't give it much thought since I had just been duped (in my opinion) by not-so-super Mario that if the opportunity were to come along that I could be open to hanging out in the future, but with no expectation other than a chance to spend time getting to know someone new.
I mean, even choosy moms choose Jif...
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Back in a Jiffy
This blonde haired, blue eyed Midwest boy was a student at my work for what I would say was a "jiffy" (In informal speech it means any unspecified short period of time. He requested a refund and hadn't received it so I find out what the holdup was. I finally get it and leave him a VM to call me back - he does and goes on to say how nice I am and he didn't mean to be a dick. I didn't blame him. He asks where I normally watch the game (and I'm dense that I don't get where this is going)...then at the end of the conversation he says, "Well I'm heading to Vegas this weekend but I'll email you Sunday and let's go watch the game." Now it could be a buddy invite, don't know. Suddenly flustered that I didn't see this coming, we hang up. Upon the Mario frustration, I thought why shouldn't I take up invites from others, it puts it out there. So you're going to email me on Sunday at an address where I won’t be at? No no no. I email him when the refund is processed and say to him (at the end of my email) "It occurred to me that I won't be at this address after today so if you come back and are able, call me on my cell (#) and we'll drown ourselves in beer cause it'd be better to be in good company than suffer alone." I was proud of myself.
July
I send him an email to set up a time to interview. "I'm available anytime Monday-Wednesday to come in for an interview. Let me know what works for you :)" Great! I look forward to meeting you Monday. Same :)
August
I send his acceptance letter. "Got your letter today. Thanks very much... look forward to seeing you soon. :)
September
Classes began mid-month.
He comes to school one day wearing a (my NFL team's) hat. (You know me) Besides how sweet he was the 3 weeks he was there and would stop in the office and say hi, I said "Um you're a fan? Did you not know I was from there?!" Being a fan of my team can only score you points in my book. It's harmless banter?!
October
He had to drop classes allegedly due to other work commitments. I send him an email to tell him that I dropped him from his classes and thank him for being honest with me and wish him the best and to keep in touch.
He sends me an email: Hi... do you work out at the LA fitness in Hollywood? I could have sworn I saw you in passing, but it was from a distance as I was rushing out the door.
Tough loss yesterday...hope all is well :) ...no, I don’t work out at LA fitness. It must have been someone who looks like me. Glad the other version of me was able to capture you’re attention. :) No joke, I do have a twin, but she lives doesn’t live here. Ha ha. You're too funny. And I'm not kidding, you may have a twin ;) your presence will always capture my attention :) talk to you later. Very sweet of you to say.
November
Random email.. How are you? Game tonight - They need a win. Quick question... what is the status on and amount of ma refund? Haven't seen or heard anything on it...best, J I’ll check on your refund and get a status...Yes, ugh, the game! I love to hate 'em and hate to love ‘em. I’m trying to get out of work early to watch the game, assuming they don’t break my heart AGAIN. Thanks for checking on the refund... talk to you soon.
…In any case, you know I think you rock, and I'm sorry that I have to bother you about these things. Hopefully the Bears can change my mood with a big win :) I'll be in touch this week. Hope all is well :)
I look into what the hold up was with the refund and re-read his request, and NEVER saw at the end of it, it says, "Let's catch a game at the bar some Sunday if you want :)"
Had I missed an opportunity I didn't even know was there to begin with because I didn't read until the end? Well, as you read above at the beginning of this post, this guy didn't let up on asking or did he fumble?
BACKSTORY
July
I send him an email to set up a time to interview. "I'm available anytime Monday-Wednesday to come in for an interview. Let me know what works for you :)" Great! I look forward to meeting you Monday. Same :)
August
I send his acceptance letter. "Got your letter today. Thanks very much... look forward to seeing you soon. :)
September
Classes began mid-month.
He comes to school one day wearing a (my NFL team's) hat. (You know me) Besides how sweet he was the 3 weeks he was there and would stop in the office and say hi, I said "Um you're a fan? Did you not know I was from there?!" Being a fan of my team can only score you points in my book. It's harmless banter?!
October
He had to drop classes allegedly due to other work commitments. I send him an email to tell him that I dropped him from his classes and thank him for being honest with me and wish him the best and to keep in touch.
He sends me an email: Hi... do you work out at the LA fitness in Hollywood? I could have sworn I saw you in passing, but it was from a distance as I was rushing out the door.
Tough loss yesterday...hope all is well :) ...no, I don’t work out at LA fitness. It must have been someone who looks like me. Glad the other version of me was able to capture you’re attention. :) No joke, I do have a twin, but she lives doesn’t live here. Ha ha. You're too funny. And I'm not kidding, you may have a twin ;) your presence will always capture my attention :) talk to you later. Very sweet of you to say.
November
Random email.. How are you? Game tonight - They need a win. Quick question... what is the status on and amount of ma refund? Haven't seen or heard anything on it...best, J I’ll check on your refund and get a status...Yes, ugh, the game! I love to hate 'em and hate to love ‘em. I’m trying to get out of work early to watch the game, assuming they don’t break my heart AGAIN. Thanks for checking on the refund... talk to you soon.
…In any case, you know I think you rock, and I'm sorry that I have to bother you about these things. Hopefully the Bears can change my mood with a big win :) I'll be in touch this week. Hope all is well :)
I look into what the hold up was with the refund and re-read his request, and NEVER saw at the end of it, it says, "Let's catch a game at the bar some Sunday if you want :)"
Had I missed an opportunity I didn't even know was there to begin with because I didn't read until the end? Well, as you read above at the beginning of this post, this guy didn't let up on asking or did he fumble?
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Why Men Go M.I.A
Which is a main part of why I started this blog... Sometimes you get to find out, other times you just chalk it up to a boy on the side milk carton, witness protection, jail or any variation of such. Realistically we've all been there, things are moving along, going great and then, poof! (That's different than the pop! previously mentioned)
Where did he go? Did I do or say something wrong? Will he come back? Whatever the case may be, I have always said (even if it's just to make me or others feel better), people come into your life for a reason - the duration is not always determined. Sometimes it's a distraction, sometimes it's necessary for you to meet the real deal, and other times it just a waste of time. I believe I am an intelligent, strong, and real woman who cannot wait to meet someone.
Miss J sent me this article from Glamour, as my go-to gal, we are constantly challenged as we think we're beginning to understand:
WHY MEN GO M.I.A.
SINGLE-ISH - Daily Dating Blog for Glamour magazine
Originally posted Friday, 11/ 6/2009
Recently, I’ve been getting messages from readers wanting to know why men stop calling without an explanation. This is a huge component of a single girl’s dating life, so let’s address it!
In my experience, I find that if a man disappears for good, it’s because of one of two reasons:
Where did he go? Did I do or say something wrong? Will he come back? Whatever the case may be, I have always said (even if it's just to make me or others feel better), people come into your life for a reason - the duration is not always determined. Sometimes it's a distraction, sometimes it's necessary for you to meet the real deal, and other times it just a waste of time. I believe I am an intelligent, strong, and real woman who cannot wait to meet someone.
Miss J sent me this article from Glamour, as my go-to gal, we are constantly challenged as we think we're beginning to understand:
WHY MEN GO M.I.A.
SINGLE-ISH - Daily Dating Blog for Glamour magazine
Originally posted Friday, 11/ 6/2009
Recently, I’ve been getting messages from readers wanting to know why men stop calling without an explanation. This is a huge component of a single girl’s dating life, so let’s address it!
In my experience, I find that if a man disappears for good, it’s because of one of two reasons:
1. He did something wrong or hurtful…
I’ve never met a man who liked facing me and admitting wrongdoing. Neither have my friends. I once explained it to a girl like this: A lot of men are all about pride and dignity. Women are too, but we know we can’t survive that way. We might need to approach a stranger and ask her for a tampon. Men can’t or won’t do that. They would run across the street and buy the tampon themselves. But women are willing to show a little vulnerability, admit we’re empty-handed, apologize, and ask for help.
There’s a book that really drives home this point about pride/shame/ego/dignity and dudes, and it helped me to really see what can go on inside a boy's pinhead. It’s Larry McMurtry's wonderful and short novel, The Last Picture Show. I read it a long time ago, so chime in if I’ve forgotten something. Anyway (spoiler alert), there’s a boy character who wrongs a woman he has been seeing. She is waiting for him to stop by and explain himself, and she is totally ready to forgive him. They love each other. But he never comes back. He is so ashamed. His pride and his embarrassment of his behavior keeps him away. To a woman, that makes no sense. What a waste of a good relationship! Just say “oops, my bad” and we’ll hug you and forgive you. We’re pretty easy that way. But men just can’t face you for some reason. Next time this happens, just imagine him asking another dude for a tampon. That’s not gonna happen, either.
2. He suddenly realizes he’s headed toward a relationship…
Girls plan ahead. What will I wear on this date? Will I go to second base? What should I say if he tries something? Should I shave my legs just in case? Will he ask me for a second date and should I say yes? Will I end up marrying him? Guys don’t think ahead. He might have said something about the future (“Let’s go to Santa Barbara one weekend”), but it really says how he was feeling in that moment—happy, road-trippy—and not about wanting you in his life for a future weekender. (I know, false advertising! And such a strange way to express your feelings!)
At some point, maybe even six months into dating you, he realizes he’s committing himself, and he takes the easy way out—he disappears. He knows this is a bad thing. You should know he knows—and that will have to be enough, because you probably won’t convince him to come back. He's not ready for the responsibility of a relationship. What he knows (rather conveniently and optimistically) is that you’ll be fine because a worthier man will snatch you up soon enough. Possibly a man who could ask for a tampon—on your behalf, if you were stranded, and in a complete bind.
Of course, I’m only speaking from my own experience, and the patterns of behavior I’ve observed. And this is the only way I can explain it to other women. I’m sure my male readers will have something to say, so please explain it to us—we want to know! Also, I’d like to see a show of hands—by way of a comment—if a man has ever disappeared on you. I think it will help other women to stop feeling like it’s just them.
I’ve never met a man who liked facing me and admitting wrongdoing. Neither have my friends. I once explained it to a girl like this: A lot of men are all about pride and dignity. Women are too, but we know we can’t survive that way. We might need to approach a stranger and ask her for a tampon. Men can’t or won’t do that. They would run across the street and buy the tampon themselves. But women are willing to show a little vulnerability, admit we’re empty-handed, apologize, and ask for help.
There’s a book that really drives home this point about pride/shame/ego/dignity and dudes, and it helped me to really see what can go on inside a boy's pinhead. It’s Larry McMurtry's wonderful and short novel, The Last Picture Show. I read it a long time ago, so chime in if I’ve forgotten something. Anyway (spoiler alert), there’s a boy character who wrongs a woman he has been seeing. She is waiting for him to stop by and explain himself, and she is totally ready to forgive him. They love each other. But he never comes back. He is so ashamed. His pride and his embarrassment of his behavior keeps him away. To a woman, that makes no sense. What a waste of a good relationship! Just say “oops, my bad” and we’ll hug you and forgive you. We’re pretty easy that way. But men just can’t face you for some reason. Next time this happens, just imagine him asking another dude for a tampon. That’s not gonna happen, either.
2. He suddenly realizes he’s headed toward a relationship…
Girls plan ahead. What will I wear on this date? Will I go to second base? What should I say if he tries something? Should I shave my legs just in case? Will he ask me for a second date and should I say yes? Will I end up marrying him? Guys don’t think ahead. He might have said something about the future (“Let’s go to Santa Barbara one weekend”), but it really says how he was feeling in that moment—happy, road-trippy—and not about wanting you in his life for a future weekender. (I know, false advertising! And such a strange way to express your feelings!)
At some point, maybe even six months into dating you, he realizes he’s committing himself, and he takes the easy way out—he disappears. He knows this is a bad thing. You should know he knows—and that will have to be enough, because you probably won’t convince him to come back. He's not ready for the responsibility of a relationship. What he knows (rather conveniently and optimistically) is that you’ll be fine because a worthier man will snatch you up soon enough. Possibly a man who could ask for a tampon—on your behalf, if you were stranded, and in a complete bind.
Of course, I’m only speaking from my own experience, and the patterns of behavior I’ve observed. And this is the only way I can explain it to other women. I’m sure my male readers will have something to say, so please explain it to us—we want to know! Also, I’d like to see a show of hands—by way of a comment—if a man has ever disappeared on you. I think it will help other women to stop feeling like it’s just them.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Ebony and Ivory
November 2009
While Mario got lost in the clouds, I wasn't about to sit home feeling sorry about it (I have to maintain my socializing) so of course I accepted an invitation from Shadow to meet up with she and her two friends to watch Monday Night Football. I mean 3 of my favorite things - beer, boys, and football!
These two guys didn't know they were meeting the yin to the yang of friends. We were having a great time with no pretenses. Talking work, relationships, careers, and when we realized we hadn't paid attention to any of the game, we decided to switch venues.
While thought we had a good thing going, two of their other (girl) friends showed and they invited them to join us. Sure, it was weird but I can go with the flow, Shadow on the other hand was less than pleased these girls crashed our night (since she was interested in Ivory). I was getting bored at their lack of contributing to the conversation but perhaps it was due to their ages. I think Shadow burned them with her evil stares that they got the drift and split.
Now we were back to the starting foursome - Ebony, Ivory, and (us) salt and pepper. ha ha If Ivory wasn't putting his arm around my back, he was steal glances from Shadow while she was flirting with Ebony. Then while I talked to Ebony, he was asking if I were interested in Ivory as he and Shadow are kissing at the table. It was bizarre. We finally parted ways with them though they wanted us to go to another bar and we had to leave while we were semi-coherent, and their advances didn't get any stronger.
It was a fun-loving, laughter-induced, beer-filled evening that I needed to take my mind of "what's his name" and realize what I always know when guys do pull this shit - if you don't know what you want and need to chicken out by disappearing in order to save face, than you're just as big a coward as others that have crossed my path. When you miss your connection, you can always fly stand-by or just wait for the next available flight.
Speaking of...the VERY next day I just had a (short-lived) former student ask me to watch the game with him on Sunday. Totally caught off guard. There you go Mario!
While Mario got lost in the clouds, I wasn't about to sit home feeling sorry about it (I have to maintain my socializing) so of course I accepted an invitation from Shadow to meet up with she and her two friends to watch Monday Night Football. I mean 3 of my favorite things - beer, boys, and football!
While thought we had a good thing going, two of their other (girl) friends showed and they invited them to join us. Sure, it was weird but I can go with the flow, Shadow on the other hand was less than pleased these girls crashed our night (since she was interested in Ivory). I was getting bored at their lack of contributing to the conversation but perhaps it was due to their ages. I think Shadow burned them with her evil stares that they got the drift and split.
Now we were back to the starting foursome - Ebony, Ivory, and (us) salt and pepper. ha ha If Ivory wasn't putting his arm around my back, he was steal glances from Shadow while she was flirting with Ebony. Then while I talked to Ebony, he was asking if I were interested in Ivory as he and Shadow are kissing at the table. It was bizarre. We finally parted ways with them though they wanted us to go to another bar and we had to leave while we were semi-coherent, and their advances didn't get any stronger.
It was a fun-loving, laughter-induced, beer-filled evening that I needed to take my mind of "what's his name" and realize what I always know when guys do pull this shit - if you don't know what you want and need to chicken out by disappearing in order to save face, than you're just as big a coward as others that have crossed my path. When you miss your connection, you can always fly stand-by or just wait for the next available flight.
Speaking of...the VERY next day I just had a (short-lived) former student ask me to watch the game with him on Sunday. Totally caught off guard. There you go Mario!
I Just Haven't Met You Yet!
This is my latest jam! Find me a Buble!
(Congratulations to him though, he just got engaged recently)
(Congratulations to him though, he just got engaged recently)
I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
Have Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stopped Keepin Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
Then I Let Myself Down.
I Tried So Very Hard Not To Lose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility
And I Now Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Time
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life
And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility
And Somehow I Know That Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It By It
To Be United
And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility
And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get
Oh You Know It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get
...I Just Haven't Met You Yet
There's a Fine, Fine Line
Okay, it's a song from Broadway's Avenue Q, but I heard it the other day and liked it!
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend.
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.
There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie.
And there's a fine, fine lie between "you're wonderful" and "goodbye".
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.
And I don't have time to waste on you anymore
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...Oh
There's a fine, fine line between together and not.
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the thing you want while still in your prime...
There's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time.
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.
There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie.
And there's a fine, fine lie between "you're wonderful" and "goodbye".
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.
And I don't have time to waste on you anymore
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...Oh
There's a fine, fine line between together and not.
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the thing you want while still in your prime...
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Gooble gooble goo, and gobble gobble gickel
Thanksgiving is associated with giving thanks for the harvest and expressing gratitude. As expressed in previous posts, guys (whether they realize it or not) can tend to flee before the holiday season - Thanksgiving until New Years Eve - in hopes of not having to commit to the holiday blunder, buy presents, spend time or meeting friends and family. If you flee before the end of November, you're scott-free.
The ever optimist knows there are some out there who don't do this and one day there will be someone who will slice the turkey, say grace, and play taboo with my extended California family. Upon my last date with Mario, I knew it was done instinctively. He leaves town to spend it with his family followed by a birthday then Christmas and New Years.
The game (Super Mario Bros.) has eight levels, and Mario must pass them all in order to rescue the princess. After the eighth level is beaten, Mario receives a kiss from the princess. We got to 6 dates but not enough levels to rescue the princess let alone earn the victorious kiss. Instead Mario lost life, got a little smaller, and fell off the screen (insert Mario sound effect here).
So entering into Tryptophan-ness, a lot had happened in the matter of a week. Mario disappeared, former student asks me to watch football only with no intention of actually following through, I catch up with a former flame (haven't written about him yet), spend time with my family, see my ex for sushi and sake only to question "Can we be friends or should we even be friends?" And lastly, the guy who started me on my blog adventure posts that he's 'in a relationship'. The last one stung the most! He, the guy who told me every guy was a jerk, a liar, and not worthy of me and that I'm perfect in his eyes and always wished I would give him the opportunity to treat me the way I deserve, desire and should demand. He, did what they all had and then some, he too, disappeared and left me heartbroken (that was my claim).
What a busy week indeed but rather than turning off the phone and locking the door, I continued on my quest. December must produce some different results and with that, Mancation Resumed!!!
BUT NOT TO WORRY, IT GOT A LITTLE QUIET FOR A WHILE IN DECEMBER ONLY TO END WITH AN "INCIDENT!"
The ever optimist knows there are some out there who don't do this and one day there will be someone who will slice the turkey, say grace, and play taboo with my extended California family. Upon my last date with Mario, I knew it was done instinctively. He leaves town to spend it with his family followed by a birthday then Christmas and New Years.
So entering into Tryptophan-ness, a lot had happened in the matter of a week. Mario disappeared, former student asks me to watch football only with no intention of actually following through, I catch up with a former flame (haven't written about him yet), spend time with my family, see my ex for sushi and sake only to question "Can we be friends or should we even be friends?" And lastly, the guy who started me on my blog adventure posts that he's 'in a relationship'. The last one stung the most! He, the guy who told me every guy was a jerk, a liar, and not worthy of me and that I'm perfect in his eyes and always wished I would give him the opportunity to treat me the way I deserve, desire and should demand. He, did what they all had and then some, he too, disappeared and left me heartbroken (that was my claim).
What a busy week indeed but rather than turning off the phone and locking the door, I continued on my quest. December must produce some different results and with that, Mancation Resumed!!!
BUT NOT TO WORRY, IT GOT A LITTLE QUIET FOR A WHILE IN DECEMBER ONLY TO END WITH AN "INCIDENT!"
Monday, November 30, 2009
Super Mario! (cont.)
Day 1. Met on Halloween. You read the post "Spooky" - that's him.
Day 2. The very NEXT day. Breakfast, beer and football at Barney's Beanery. I had a great time with this stranger I just met. He opened my car door, smooched me between plays, and was just so attentive. I mean all that AND watch football, I couldn't be more in heaven. We had Miss J and Pimp daddy join us but they couldn't have cared less about sports. One guy says, "A (west coast) fan and a (midwest) fan, how does that happen?" I said, "Don't know, just happened." Mario thought that was funny. At the end of our outing, Mario says, "I'll call you." We hug. We kiss. We part ways. And as I float up to my apartment on what an awesome 24 hours have unfolded, I couldn't help but ponder, "Would he call?" Then again, he also joked all day on Sunday that we were on vacation so we were in no hurry to go anywhere or do anything. Hmm.
Day 3. Sweatin' a bit... As I try to talk myself out of hope, my phone beeps at like 10:30pm. "Sorry so late, wanted to touch base with you. How was your day?" We texted a bit and he wanted to see me the following night but I had dinner plans with the girls, so I suggested another night this week. I guess that's something. I'm a little apprehensive but yet I can't help the way I felt when I was around him. Trying to dip my big toe in before jumping in that pool you know?
Day 4 - after a football-full day for me and a continued day after boys night out for him, he called to ask to see each other later that evening. He walked to my house and greeted me at the door with a kiss and we walked hand in hand to the video store to get a movie. Boy was on me like a fat kid likes cake. Once we decided on a movie we walked to Pinkberry for some yogurt. We walked from there to his house on a brisk fall evening and decided to speak in Boston accents - though neither one of us are from there - but by simply blurting out certain words out loud made us laugh contagiously. (Like "bah", "haba", "chowda"). Mario fell asleep halfway through the movie because Javier didn't entice him with the gay story line and boy-boy action. That's what he gets for never reading the back of a DVD cover.
Day ?, ?? and ???...He sent me the cutest picture of him on Friday night in his Mario costume (He was at an 80s party) and the caption said, "I ruined my manvacation for this guy?" Sent me kisses to say good night.
Saturday we flexted all night (he was out with his buddy). He asked that I meet him around midnight for a drink up the street. I had just finished my work so I decided too since I could. Sitting at the bar waiting for him I was so nervous suddenly. That hasn't happened in awhile. He came in and gave me a big smooch. We had a great time staying there for like an hour.
Sunday we watched a bit of football snuggled up on the couch, and then he we walked up to the Farmer's Market for lunch. Parked ourselves on the sidewalk eating yummy food and just talking on a beautifully hot day. Just strolling around hand in hand. Then we walked to the Dome to see Where the Wild Things Are (which he didn't like), then walked home. He walked me to my door, gave me a big kiss and hug and then I had the rest of my night free. It was a PERFCT day.
Day (oh I lost count but it's week 3?) ... ok, this wasn't a date it was an friend outing. Explaining my new situation...My friend Nick was like 'I never see this side of Carrie, the girly side, it's refreshing." Ugh. I hate being a girl. I want to tell him that I want to continue to see him but just want to know if it's something he wants to pursue further or we're just "having fun" and I've been trying to go with the "I'm having fun phase" and relinguish a bit of the control (as I tend to do)...
CONTINUATION OF WEEK 3 (thursday to be exact) - Day ????... Watched the Lakers/Bulls and ordered some take out. He brought over a bottle of wine. The latest there is I learned his birthday is NEXT week! I'm currently trying not to be "girly" and let things be as they may- we are just dating and I don't need to "define" it yet but I guess I realize I want to stand still -perhaps get off the beach on my man vacation and board the plane back home. (Previously I asked some guys their opinions on my girly fleeting thoughts and they said, "It sounds like he likes you. And he may be thinking wow, everything has changed so immediately and I met an awesome girl on top of it all.") I'd love to believe that but know so many guys do the disappearing act or say things they don't deliver on that I'm really trying not to be jaded or cynical. He did say to me "I haven't found my rhythm yet" so that's always in the forefront of my brain...my instinct says ABORT!
Day 2. The very NEXT day. Breakfast, beer and football at Barney's Beanery. I had a great time with this stranger I just met. He opened my car door, smooched me between plays, and was just so attentive. I mean all that AND watch football, I couldn't be more in heaven. We had Miss J and Pimp daddy join us but they couldn't have cared less about sports. One guy says, "A (west coast) fan and a (midwest) fan, how does that happen?" I said, "Don't know, just happened." Mario thought that was funny. At the end of our outing, Mario says, "I'll call you." We hug. We kiss. We part ways. And as I float up to my apartment on what an awesome 24 hours have unfolded, I couldn't help but ponder, "Would he call?" Then again, he also joked all day on Sunday that we were on vacation so we were in no hurry to go anywhere or do anything. Hmm.
Day 3. Sweatin' a bit... As I try to talk myself out of hope, my phone beeps at like 10:30pm. "Sorry so late, wanted to touch base with you. How was your day?" We texted a bit and he wanted to see me the following night but I had dinner plans with the girls, so I suggested another night this week. I guess that's something. I'm a little apprehensive but yet I can't help the way I felt when I was around him. Trying to dip my big toe in before jumping in that pool you know?
Day 4 - after a football-full day for me and a continued day after boys night out for him, he called to ask to see each other later that evening. He walked to my house and greeted me at the door with a kiss and we walked hand in hand to the video store to get a movie. Boy was on me like a fat kid likes cake. Once we decided on a movie we walked to Pinkberry for some yogurt. We walked from there to his house on a brisk fall evening and decided to speak in Boston accents - though neither one of us are from there - but by simply blurting out certain words out loud made us laugh contagiously. (Like "bah", "haba", "chowda"). Mario fell asleep halfway through the movie because Javier didn't entice him with the gay story line and boy-boy action. That's what he gets for never reading the back of a DVD cover.
Day ?, ?? and ???...He sent me the cutest picture of him on Friday night in his Mario costume (He was at an 80s party) and the caption said, "I ruined my manvacation for this guy?" Sent me kisses to say good night.
Saturday we flexted all night (he was out with his buddy). He asked that I meet him around midnight for a drink up the street. I had just finished my work so I decided too since I could. Sitting at the bar waiting for him I was so nervous suddenly. That hasn't happened in awhile. He came in and gave me a big smooch. We had a great time staying there for like an hour.
Sunday we watched a bit of football snuggled up on the couch, and then he we walked up to the Farmer's Market for lunch. Parked ourselves on the sidewalk eating yummy food and just talking on a beautifully hot day. Just strolling around hand in hand. Then we walked to the Dome to see Where the Wild Things Are (which he didn't like), then walked home. He walked me to my door, gave me a big kiss and hug and then I had the rest of my night free. It was a PERFCT day.
Day (oh I lost count but it's week 3?) ... ok, this wasn't a date it was an friend outing. Explaining my new situation...My friend Nick was like 'I never see this side of Carrie, the girly side, it's refreshing." Ugh. I hate being a girl. I want to tell him that I want to continue to see him but just want to know if it's something he wants to pursue further or we're just "having fun" and I've been trying to go with the "I'm having fun phase" and relinguish a bit of the control (as I tend to do)...
Girl Friend says: I don't know. I think the situation is fine. But, I don't know if I would like dating somebody that has to announce "how he is".
CONTINUATION OF WEEK 3 (thursday to be exact) - Day ????... Watched the Lakers/Bulls and ordered some take out. He brought over a bottle of wine. The latest there is I learned his birthday is NEXT week! I'm currently trying not to be "girly" and let things be as they may- we are just dating and I don't need to "define" it yet but I guess I realize I want to stand still -perhaps get off the beach on my man vacation and board the plane back home. (Previously I asked some guys their opinions on my girly fleeting thoughts and they said, "It sounds like he likes you. And he may be thinking wow, everything has changed so immediately and I met an awesome girl on top of it all.") I'd love to believe that but know so many guys do the disappearing act or say things they don't deliver on that I'm really trying not to be jaded or cynical. He did say to me "I haven't found my rhythm yet" so that's always in the forefront of my brain...my instinct says ABORT!
AND THEN...THERE WAS NONE!- I have ALWAYS had a theory about how weird dating can be before the holidays hit (for those of you who don't know, that begins with Thanksgiving and ends with New Years Eve). Thanksgiving week approached, I sent him a Thanksgiving text, which of course he responded to and simply said, "Happy Thanksgiving, I'll call you when I"m back in LA." I left it at that but to be honest, I suddenly became really disinterested. What a polite brush off.
HIS BIRTHDAY...my last ditch effort cause I need assurance one more time that the guy "just isn't that into me like that" and leave a voicemail wishing him well in my nice-girl demeanor. Then upon hanging up I'm angry that I had.
HIS BIRTHDAY...my last ditch effort cause I need assurance one more time that the guy "just isn't that into me like that" and leave a voicemail wishing him well in my nice-girl demeanor. Then upon hanging up I'm angry that I had.
He texts me back later that night around 11pm (I left the vm around 7) thanking me and asking me how I was and referencing inside jokes and stories we told. Finally when I couldn't be "witty" anymore I said, "Enjoy your day, good night." And Never Really Heard From Him Again.
** SIDEBAR - as I was finally updating my blog and wanting to tell my take of not-so-super-Mario, we spoke on chat on Facebook. That story follows...the story of the fall-out boy (not a member of that band)
** SIDEBAR - as I was finally updating my blog and wanting to tell my take of not-so-super-Mario, we spoke on chat on Facebook. That story follows...the story of the fall-out boy (not a member of that band)
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Sex and the City moment
"Who cares about what you are, just enjoy it." - Samantha
You can always revert ANYTHING back to a quote or episode from Sex and the City. Always!
You can always revert ANYTHING back to a quote or episode from Sex and the City. Always!
The Ah-ha Moment
“Ah ha!” you exclaim.
An ex, ex flame, former lover, or potential love interest (or any combination) in which you are seated across from, bump into, see a photo of and have that Ah-ha moment.
Your love-bubble or like-bubble bursts and you see the person for who they really are and are met with a variation of feelings and thoughts. This ‘bubble’ kept you going back for more knowing it wasn’t good for you, enabled you from seeing what your friends were talking about, or perhaps he tells a lie that just cannot be covered up, and – pop – bubble bursts! Or you’re adult enough to burst the bubble and then look at a former lover, flame, or potential and suddenly he doesn’t look so good with those rose colored glasses you were wearing. My friend Samantha said to me while discussing the Ah-Ha moment, “love doesn’t hurt, that’s lust.” I found that interesting. Okay then add your lust-bubble is popped too!
Was he really as hot as I thought he was? When the mere mention of him made me sweat, those were my lust muscles not my heart muscles? You thought you were in love with someone who never showed one once of love in return. Even someone who thinks you are the cat’s meow which then makes you believe he is the dog’s bark and then Ah-ha! It crashes and burns. Pop! Pop! Pop! Was that real or did I hallucinate it on the trip I was on?
I began writing about this awhile back at the start of Mancation because I boldly put myself in this status because I believed I had been mislead and crushed. Well, I was crushed! As aforementioned, I have definitely made leaps on Mancation – as it is necessary in the healing process – but can’t help but wonder if it was some sort of mirage. I believed this man broke my heart when in fact he may have broken my spirit, Mancation allowed the heart to continue beating while still maintaining hope. Even if it were a mirage, it allowed me to set a new standard of what’s acceptable in whatever like, lust, or love bubble stage I am at.
He – who helped created the sensation of Mancation – told the world that he was “in a relationship.” Initially I felt like someone punched me in the face, but then because my mirage bubble had been burst by the Ah-ha Moment, I smiled and merely said, “She’s a lucky girl.” We date and meet one another because we’re trying on what fits and what doesn’t. In life there are no exchanges. The only returns can come from things like learning, living and leaping. Perhaps somewhere in there this is “gift with purchase” as if someone isn’t the right fit; there is someone out there who is.
Schlep not Worth it - My story
Pertaining to the last entry I posted based on Miss J's link, is love ever worth the schlep even for a dope? Here’s my story:
I had begun dating Van Gogh after meeting him on an online dating site. (Mind you, I think it's fair to say I'll never online again) We seemed to have a lot in common, both creative types and had some great dates. But this was a freelance artist who spent most of his day sleeping while I was working on bringing home the bacon. I tried to look beyond it since we were still in the "dating with no label" faze but I couldn't help but wonder if I were living some kind of déjà vu from a previous relationship (i.e. the-out -of -work “actor”). I tried to be open-minded and go with the flow.
Some conversations of how it killed itself:
…I just don't get him. We had plans 2 weeks ago and he just didn't call...for 4 days and when he did he acted like he didn't do anything wrong. I finally said, "I thought we had plans." His response: "Yeah, I know...but I'm in a funk and I don't have any money." I told him that I understand where he's coming from but he should call and tell me this than just not calling. It's NOT okay. I was pissed and let him know it. I mean we've been "dating" for a couple of months now. I'm bored. He called yesterday and I was just bored with the "I don't have a job" talk and "I did nothing" all day spiel. He asked what I was doing this weekend, and even though it was Tuesday, I already have a jam packed weekend...he says, "Well I'd like to see you if I can get the gas money together." Sexy. I just don't think he's being honest with me enough and I'm over it. Part of me does want to see him so I can end it face to face but if he can't muster up the gas to drive to Hollywood
I thought here was a nice guy for once and he's just as flakey (and admits it) as the others. I always think people are capable of change if they're ready.
I had a message from Van Gogh at like 9:30…wondering what I was doing for the weekend, well I already told you and you're calling me at 9:30 on a Friday night?
Finally, I took the chicken way out and I wrote to him: "I know this may seem late-coming but I feel the need to say hi. For what it's worth, I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for timing. Timing of this email, timing for a phone call, and just timing in general. I think you're great and I like you a lot but judging by the past couple of weeks we don't seem to be on the same time schedule or something. I value the time we spent together. I wish you nothing but the best today, and always!" SENT at 10pm
(I really wasn’t sorry for any of it. I didn’t do anything wrong. But I was trying to take the “nice” way out).
He responded: the following day by 8pm
"I'm very glad you wrote. I thought the times we've had together were great, but unfortunately yes timing has been a factor. Maybe a little later down the road we can grab some drinks and see what happens? …Any ways, I wish you the best and I'll write as things move along. I hope you'll do the same. Lots of kisses, Van Gogh."
He never wrote. Now that myspace is out and Facebook is in, we found one another there. We exchanged a couple of friendly notes to one another but I discovered that he had a woman in his life and told me one night on IM, that they were moving out of state together to “start their life.” I was really happy for him because as much of a “match” online dating claimed we were, this woman had something I never did.
Regardless of Mancation past or previous, I’m not jaded. I still truly believe there are good eggs out there. Not every guy is a liar or a starving artist of some sort. When you’re looking for something to distract you from what you’ve been dealing with you can convince yourself that something is right, when in fact it’s wrong. My dad said to me upon my first heartbreak: Dating shouldn’t be hard but love can be. Oh, that and “don’t waste your time on someone who won’t waste their time on you.” 10 years later, it still rings true. Van Gogh is a good guy, just not the guy for me. And he was a cat guy, and I’m a dog person. It would have never worked. ;)
**Keep in mind also, now thinking about it, this was a guy who wanted to "have the talk" of "Where the relationship was going" after 2 or 3 dates. He then confided in me that it wasn't fair to try to convince me to go from date to boyfriend in 3.5 seconds. It could have been he was so desperate for a plus one that he forgot he wasn't ready. Sidebar: He had broken off a 3 year engagement about 6 months prior to meeting me. Hmm.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Spooky!
"Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you."
One of my favorite songs "Spooky" by Classics IV is my inspiration for this next tale.
What a time it is when we are dressing up as alter-egos or our inner selves and spend the evening "gettin' kind of groovy." It is one day of the year when you can put your mask up instead of letting yours down. Girls dress as slutty as they possibly can because they know they can't get away with their inner slut any other time of the year than to be "slutty Dorothy" or "slutty Snow White". We have come to a time and age when you can pretty much slut-up anything - even an ugly witch is now a slutty witch. And nurses who wear orthopedic shoes or scrubs are still deemed "sexy" (cough, slutty) by wearing the white zip up mini dress bearing major cleave and thigh highs. The only nurse who is ever going to provide medical assistance is behind closed doors, not at your house party, otherwise dial 911.
Back to my point, Halloween becomes so funny to me. I've had friends who can't wait to do the "slutty" thing but that's either for those who need attention or those who seek attention. The men folk are given reason to oogle even though you know you're not going to deliver on your bad-girl decor. Ok, I admit one year I did Miss Behavin' - which was a sex'd up version of a school teacher. I did it but I wasn't into it. Since then the costumes have been a bit more tasteful. Kids, don't give in to peer pressure. There are expectations for Halloween like it's friggin' New Years Eve or something, which I also find tends to be a bit of a disappointment. Go out in whatever capacity you want, just do it safely. And responsibly.
A couple years back, dressed as Devil in a Blue Dress, I met a guy at a party dressed as a vampire. He was mysterious and quiet yet something was going on behind this "costume." He only wanted to chat with me - and not the other 'devils' that were there - and asked to take me out sometime. This did not come without the disclaimer that he is newly single. RED FLAG! RED FLAG! "How long have you been single?" I ask. "3 weeks," he says. I make a face (that's still a very open wound) and say, "Well it sounds like you're attempting to get back out there but I'm a bit leery to the fact that it's still fresh." He was persistent to get my number before the end of the night. He called the very next day and we met to watch football. It was harmless. We went out a couple more times until one day he and I were out and he was telling me how his ex bummed him out...I tuned out on him there and tuned into my girl-dar - abort! abort! Guy-not-over-ex! And so I did, he attempted to reach out a couple more times but I knew the connect wasn't there and he wasn't healed. If you ever read this, hope you're doing well!
I chose to write about Halloween cause it's funny that you can think someone is something they're not simply because they're in "character". Whether you're hiding behind a wig or a mask or a persona for the night, you're either that crazy asshole every day which could make you interesting, or you're only that "character" for a night and then you go back to being whoever you are in existence. This current year I went out with Miss J who dressed as THE first princess of Disney - The Princess and the Frog - and looked cute as a button. I didn't want to put as much effort but was trying to be creative under limited resources, so instead of going as the "devil in disguise," I found a Hawaiian dress in the Art Department of my work, and a sunhat. You know, with some diva sunglasses at home and suddenly, with flip flops, I was on ...yep, Mancation! BRILLIANT!
While we went to our usual haunt, and it was uber low key, we had convinced ourselves that at least we went out and didn't stay in. And also, we did make some waves even on a 'slow' night. As I contemplated in my head whether the crowd would pick up (it did but most people came in a group and left in a group like it was a pre-game before the main event), Super Mario sat down next to me. His friend the Pimp sat down next to Miss J. They wondered if this bar was any good and we filled them in (on normal circumstances) and they asked us to join them elsewhere. And so the Halloween adventure began! In talking to Mario, you have to realize that he is bearing a full on mustache, goatee and wig bearing a hat on-top. I had NO clue who this man was underneath but he was funny, energetic and had the best laugh I had heard in a long time.
We jumped a cab to Hollywood where patrons stopped to take pictures with Mario from the window like he was Elvis or Michael Jackson. Hilarious. We arrive at this hole-in-the-wall we never knew (me and Miss J) existed and it was decent. Made friends with a lady in a wheelchair on the back patio with her 2 daughters. Met the man who plays Capt. Jack Sparrow on Hollywood Blvd. I even posed for a picture with a man who looked like he was on Mancation (like me) but he was "Fear and Loathing..."
Leaving there and stammering through the sea of under-agers on Hollywood Blvd., we sought out "a tiki bar". Giving up on Miss J's 4" heels and conviction that the place didn't really exist, we headed to a different bar. Less crowded. Less clubby. Less bullshit. We could still see the parade of people walk by and enjoy each other's company. I mean, what an unexpected and fun night! Oh, Hallow's Eve! Mario wanted my number at bar one, and I said no. Mancation doesn't allow giving out numbers unless you're worthy.
We walked from Hollywood and something all the way to me and Miss J's hood - it was madness. At this point of hanging for hours, Mario got my number. I didn't ask for his. I stayed on the beach, but now he knows what hotel I'm staying at.
Sidebar - found out that Mario wanted to go to the Tiki bar because we were on (Man) "Vacation" ha ha ha . One of the cutest things I've heard in a while.
Halloween!
What a time it is when we are dressing up as alter-egos or our inner selves and spend the evening "gettin' kind of groovy." It is one day of the year when you can put your mask up instead of letting yours down. Girls dress as slutty as they possibly can because they know they can't get away with their inner slut any other time of the year than to be "slutty Dorothy" or "slutty Snow White". We have come to a time and age when you can pretty much slut-up anything - even an ugly witch is now a slutty witch. And nurses who wear orthopedic shoes or scrubs are still deemed "sexy" (cough, slutty) by wearing the white zip up mini dress bearing major cleave and thigh highs. The only nurse who is ever going to provide medical assistance is behind closed doors, not at your house party, otherwise dial 911.
Back to my point, Halloween becomes so funny to me. I've had friends who can't wait to do the "slutty" thing but that's either for those who need attention or those who seek attention. The men folk are given reason to oogle even though you know you're not going to deliver on your bad-girl decor. Ok, I admit one year I did Miss Behavin' - which was a sex'd up version of a school teacher. I did it but I wasn't into it. Since then the costumes have been a bit more tasteful. Kids, don't give in to peer pressure. There are expectations for Halloween like it's friggin' New Years Eve or something, which I also find tends to be a bit of a disappointment. Go out in whatever capacity you want, just do it safely. And responsibly.
A couple years back, dressed as Devil in a Blue Dress, I met a guy at a party dressed as a vampire. He was mysterious and quiet yet something was going on behind this "costume." He only wanted to chat with me - and not the other 'devils' that were there - and asked to take me out sometime. This did not come without the disclaimer that he is newly single. RED FLAG! RED FLAG! "How long have you been single?" I ask. "3 weeks," he says. I make a face (that's still a very open wound) and say, "Well it sounds like you're attempting to get back out there but I'm a bit leery to the fact that it's still fresh." He was persistent to get my number before the end of the night. He called the very next day and we met to watch football. It was harmless. We went out a couple more times until one day he and I were out and he was telling me how his ex bummed him out...I tuned out on him there and tuned into my girl-dar - abort! abort! Guy-not-over-ex! And so I did, he attempted to reach out a couple more times but I knew the connect wasn't there and he wasn't healed. If you ever read this, hope you're doing well!
I chose to write about Halloween cause it's funny that you can think someone is something they're not simply because they're in "character". Whether you're hiding behind a wig or a mask or a persona for the night, you're either that crazy asshole every day which could make you interesting, or you're only that "character" for a night and then you go back to being whoever you are in existence. This current year I went out with Miss J who dressed as THE first princess of Disney - The Princess and the Frog - and looked cute as a button. I didn't want to put as much effort but was trying to be creative under limited resources, so instead of going as the "devil in disguise," I found a Hawaiian dress in the Art Department of my work, and a sunhat. You know, with some diva sunglasses at home and suddenly, with flip flops, I was on ...yep, Mancation! BRILLIANT!
While we went to our usual haunt, and it was uber low key, we had convinced ourselves that at least we went out and didn't stay in. And also, we did make some waves even on a 'slow' night. As I contemplated in my head whether the crowd would pick up (it did but most people came in a group and left in a group like it was a pre-game before the main event), Super Mario sat down next to me. His friend the Pimp sat down next to Miss J. They wondered if this bar was any good and we filled them in (on normal circumstances) and they asked us to join them elsewhere. And so the Halloween adventure began! In talking to Mario, you have to realize that he is bearing a full on mustache, goatee and wig bearing a hat on-top. I had NO clue who this man was underneath but he was funny, energetic and had the best laugh I had heard in a long time.
We jumped a cab to Hollywood where patrons stopped to take pictures with Mario from the window like he was Elvis or Michael Jackson. Hilarious. We arrive at this hole-in-the-wall we never knew (me and Miss J) existed and it was decent. Made friends with a lady in a wheelchair on the back patio with her 2 daughters. Met the man who plays Capt. Jack Sparrow on Hollywood Blvd. I even posed for a picture with a man who looked like he was on Mancation (like me) but he was "Fear and Loathing..."
Leaving there and stammering through the sea of under-agers on Hollywood Blvd., we sought out "a tiki bar". Giving up on Miss J's 4" heels and conviction that the place didn't really exist, we headed to a different bar. Less crowded. Less clubby. Less bullshit. We could still see the parade of people walk by and enjoy each other's company. I mean, what an unexpected and fun night! Oh, Hallow's Eve! Mario wanted my number at bar one, and I said no. Mancation doesn't allow giving out numbers unless you're worthy.
We walked from Hollywood and something all the way to me and Miss J's hood - it was madness. At this point of hanging for hours, Mario got my number. I didn't ask for his. I stayed on the beach, but now he knows what hotel I'm staying at.
Sidebar - found out that Mario wanted to go to the Tiki bar because we were on (Man) "Vacation" ha ha ha . One of the cutest things I've heard in a while.
Is the Schlep Worth it?
Miss J had sent me a link to an article from Glamour "How Long is the Commute To Your Boyfriend’s Place?..."
Single-ish -a dating blog - by Erin Meanley (the author) blogged about a recentNew York
It described how different single populations are spread out, and how in her neighborhood, the Upper East Side, has the lowest concentration of singles in Manhattan, as well as "more single women than anywhere else in the city" (64,000)! Great. In this case, ignorance would have been bliss.
The article is also about “long-distance-local couples.” When you and your boyfriend live in NYC, it can take an hour and a half to travel the 14 miles between your apartments, whereas in any other city, it takes 20 minutes. (You think I complain about interborough dating, but even the NYT considers it an issue!) The story talked about how some men feel they would have gone on a second date with a great girl, but decided not to because she lived 2 trains and a bus away.
More on this later because I have had my own run in with this topic - it wasn't love but apparently it was a schlep.
Single-ish -a dating blog - by Erin Meanley (the author) blogged about a recent
It described how different single populations are spread out, and how in her neighborhood, the Upper East Side, has the lowest concentration of singles in Manhattan, as well as "more single women than anywhere else in the city" (64,000)! Great. In this case, ignorance would have been bliss.
The article is also about “long-distance-local couples.” When you and your boyfriend live in NYC, it can take an hour and a half to travel the 14 miles between your apartments, whereas in any other city, it takes 20 minutes. (You think I complain about interborough dating, but even the NYT considers it an issue!) The story talked about how some men feel they would have gone on a second date with a great girl, but decided not to because she lived 2 trains and a bus away.
More on this later because I have had my own run in with this topic - it wasn't love but apparently it was a schlep.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Chance Encounters
It was a beautiful, sunny day in Los Angeles. I had just gotten to work from the Dentist and was a 30ish year old bearing braces for the first time in her life. I was in pain and adjusting to these foreign objects in my mouth. There was a movie being cast in one of the studios so actors were coming and going quickly. Looking out from the copier I saw this tall drink of water walk in and though a co-worker was talking to me, I blurted out "I think I know him, why?" Of course, I think that a lot because I live in Los Angeles and actors are everywhere. It wasn't until I watched him walk up the stairs that I realized where I knew him from!
BACKSTORY: About 7 years ago, I was a twenty-something interning at the highest-rated daytime drama. I often spent time on-set and caught the eye of a certain day player. Yes, he who just raced up the stairs! We carried on our flirtation for the two months I spent there that summer and on my very last day, he walked me out, told me to keep in touch should I ever move to Los Angeles permanently, and laid a sweet kiss on my lips. We did keep in touch but never saw one another, even after I had moved to Los Angeles like a year later. Oh well, I thought, he's probably married and all that.
There he was in the lobby of my work. I lingered a bit because even with my non-mental mouth, I was going to re-introduce myself. Maybe it was kismet. He came down the stairs and I yelled his name. He looked at me like "Who the hell are you?" I said, "I just wanted to say hi, we met years ago." He says, "Yes, I thought looked familiar, where did we meet?" I said, "I interned at (show title) while you were day-playing. My name's Bradsaw. I had short blonde hair." He immediately placed me back in time and said, "Wow, it's been so long. You moved back home after that, do you live out here now?" I said, "Yes, I've actually been living here for going on 8 years now." I'd like to believe he couldn't believe our paths have crossed when so much time has lapsed. He asks, "So you work here now?" I said, "Yes, everyday, Monday through Friday." Really? That's the best I could come up with? "Well," he says with his big smile, and the whole conversation his beautiful brown eyes were glaring at my shiny, plastic teeth as I tried not to speak with an impediment, "good to know. Great seeing you."
And then he was gone. I didn't even have time to scope for a ring on the hand and I don't think he really cares where I work but at least I had a story!
AFTER POSTING THIS I IMDB'D HIM - 41 AND GOT MARRIED AS RECENT AS 2005.
BACKSTORY: About 7 years ago, I was a twenty-something interning at the highest-rated daytime drama. I often spent time on-set and caught the eye of a certain day player. Yes, he who just raced up the stairs! We carried on our flirtation for the two months I spent there that summer and on my very last day, he walked me out, told me to keep in touch should I ever move to Los Angeles permanently, and laid a sweet kiss on my lips. We did keep in touch but never saw one another, even after I had moved to Los Angeles like a year later. Oh well, I thought, he's probably married and all that.
And then he was gone. I didn't even have time to scope for a ring on the hand and I don't think he really cares where I work but at least I had a story!
AFTER POSTING THIS I IMDB'D HIM - 41 AND GOT MARRIED AS RECENT AS 2005.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Proof in the Pudding?
As I continue on whatever stage or status I am on the Mancation agenda, I had some interesting insights and reflections as well as interactions. That goes without saying.
While out one night (same night as The Bloke run-in), one of my dearest and oldest friends Shadow, says she and the others were having a chat about me. Really I thought? She says, "You look great, and just overall carry yourself differently than you have been." Wow. Here I thought I was just being "me" on an every day basis but I realized I had laid ground work. Perhaps, (take notes here) in not having a guy around to frustrate (and age) me, I was taking the time to be who I am, and the woman I know who has been trapped. Trapped into thinking all guys don't know what they want or send mixed messages. Ok, relax male population, I know we women mislead too! But as stated before, I do believe not everyone is an asshole. Just weed out the assholes and you save yourself heartache, frustration and wrinkles! I took that all in and was pleasantly surprised. Perhaps in spring cleaning, I was making room...for the "breaker." He who shall not yet be named.
Within the same week, I was at my job and in speaking with some of the students, one said to me, "You look great today!" I thanked her, I mean I do try my best to look professional in that environment. (Sidebar- this is a student who has been away for a few semesters.) She continues,"No, I've been meaning to tell you that I've noticed you've been looking great a lot lately. Are you in love? There's something different about you." I laughed and told her that I wasn't in love but on Mancation. She giggled and wanted to go on one herself. I said, "Well apparently if you commit, you TOO can look like me" - an informercial at it's best. ha ha ha ha
That was twice (if memory serves) that people took notice of me and perhaps verbalized what others have noticed...Could it simply be that in taking a break, ridding the bad, hexing the ex, or holding out for more in good for your complextion and lifestyle? I enthusiastically say, "HELL YEAH" and pat myself on the back for having a bit of a resolve at this point in the Mancation. I have never given up hope and the world hasn't either.
Man Date: Doing well there, little lady
While out one night (same night as The Bloke run-in), one of my dearest and oldest friends Shadow, says she and the others were having a chat about me. Really I thought? She says, "You look great, and just overall carry yourself differently than you have been." Wow. Here I thought I was just being "me" on an every day basis but I realized I had laid ground work. Perhaps, (take notes here) in not having a guy around to frustrate (and age) me, I was taking the time to be who I am, and the woman I know who has been trapped. Trapped into thinking all guys don't know what they want or send mixed messages. Ok, relax male population, I know we women mislead too! But as stated before, I do believe not everyone is an asshole. Just weed out the assholes and you save yourself heartache, frustration and wrinkles! I took that all in and was pleasantly surprised. Perhaps in spring cleaning, I was making room...for the "breaker." He who shall not yet be named.
Within the same week, I was at my job and in speaking with some of the students, one said to me, "You look great today!" I thanked her, I mean I do try my best to look professional in that environment. (Sidebar- this is a student who has been away for a few semesters.) She continues,"No, I've been meaning to tell you that I've noticed you've been looking great a lot lately. Are you in love? There's something different about you." I laughed and told her that I wasn't in love but on Mancation. She giggled and wanted to go on one herself. I said, "Well apparently if you commit, you TOO can look like me" - an informercial at it's best. ha ha ha ha
That was twice (if memory serves) that people took notice of me and perhaps verbalized what others have noticed...Could it simply be that in taking a break, ridding the bad, hexing the ex, or holding out for more in good for your complextion and lifestyle? I enthusiastically say, "HELL YEAH" and pat myself on the back for having a bit of a resolve at this point in the Mancation. I have never given up hope and the world hasn't either.
Man Date: Doing well there, little lady
Friday, November 20, 2009
Mancation - Fact or Fiction?
I have been told stating Mancation poses a challenge.
Granted. Again, challenges me to weed out those who want to try to "break" Mancation or are just hoping to get mention. Yes, so far I've been able to tell the difference.
Granted. Again, challenges me to weed out those who want to try to "break" Mancation or are just hoping to get mention. Yes, so far I've been able to tell the difference.
While constantly being questioned as to who and why, I get how and what. At length of this Mancation, I have remained true to not dating. Miles and I had dinner twice and I had a great time, and to be honest he opened a window potentially (though we had no window in the row of the airplane we sat and met). I had two not-dates (maybe one non-date to follow Mancation rules, by second meeting it was an obvious "date") that were special to me and reminded me that I shouldn't be so guarded when a nice guy comes along, even if I'm on Mancation.
As second source said to me, "You claim you're not dating on Mancation but you have been." Hmm, he's not exactly wrong. Again, I play the hand I'm dealt. Then I decided I didn't have to explain myself to anyone. I AM making this up as I go. I got trampled not only in hope but in belief and I refuse to let it take over but let its flame continue to flicker. I refuse to believe everyone is an asshole. And I refuse to waste anymore time on those who make me second guess and can't wait to meet those who prove me right - they do exist.
That all being said, Mancation doesn't mean you stay home and become a hermit. I have been very adamant about that! Secondly, to those who are mislead just because I claim I'm not dating, I have said I’m not hating - so my guys friends are most certainly crucial to hang with and bounce ideas off of.
Lastly, despite what believers/non-believers think, I don't walk into a room bearing a sign that says "Hey! I’m on Mancation." I don't go around and make that my opening line. It comes up to certain peeps...but again, I don't go around making it world-wide knowledge...perhaps only on this blog. The Blog is safe cause I know I have limited viewers. Actively being on Mancation and the people you meet and the reactions they bare, have taught me so much. I had given myself an end date but one never knows the impact someone will make until they make it.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Flexting
We exchange text messages nowadays. It's suddenly become a modern day dating art form for when you want to be cute when you can't pick up the phone (or perhaps can't pick up the phone to speak but sly to sneak in something witty or sassy).
I have coined FLEXTING - as in sending flirty text messages. Flexting keeps the flame burning. Keeps things safe or perhaps pushes boundaries of how far you could go when not face to face or voice to voice.
Credit!
Why not Flext yourself? Okay, you can't flext yourself, you know I mean why not flext someone else...
DISCLAIMER: don't flext and drive (it could be more dangerous than regular texting while driving)
I have coined FLEXTING - as in sending flirty text messages. Flexting keeps the flame burning. Keeps things safe or perhaps pushes boundaries of how far you could go when not face to face or voice to voice.
Credit!
Why not Flext yourself? Okay, you can't flext yourself, you know I mean why not flext someone else...
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
More Miles...
Remember that sweet guy I met on the plane? We had a great dinner and shared a sidewalk kiss? He flew back home and we kept in contact through flexting, and on occasion a phone call cause he “wanted to hear my voice.”
Upon the last posting of questioning my kissing skills or Mancation for that matter…he came back into town and wanted to see me. The night he arrived I was working and we weren’t able to see one another but had plans to see one another the following evening. We checked in periodically through the day until I hopped in my car and drove to meet him in Hermosa Beach. Upon smelling the ocean and feeling the breeze off the water, I realized this was more of a date than our first dinner encounter in my opinion, as I found myself a wee bit nervous. Would we still have much to say to one another after contacting without any verbalization? Would I still find him funny? Charismatic? The answer was yes from the moment I heard his footsteps in the lobby. We hugged hello and he wrapped his arm around my waist and said, “It’s great to see you.”
We sat and had sushi and wine and he remembered what we ordered our first sushi dinner and I really enjoy talking to him because he asks questions from a perspective of really wanting to know or understand. We stayed at the restaurant until they had to kick us out and walked to the pier to grab another drink. Choice of bar wasn’t the best so we only stayed for one drink before it was proposed to go back to the hotel to sit on the balcony. I know that’s a bit scandalous but I didn’t and wasn’t ready for the night to come to an end. We sat on the patio listening to the ocean and just talking – a sweet moment that I very much appreciated which was met by an almost as sweet kiss. Even though I was invited to stay for the night, I knew I had to go but he hoped to see me again tomorrow before his departure. (Don’t think I didn’t see him size us up in the mirror upon me exiting). I arrived home by 3am and crashed.
However, upon waking the next morning I was exhausted which was only met with the feeling as if I were getting sick. I came home to eat chicken noodle soup in my jammies as Miles met an old friend for beers. The following day I called in sick as I couldn’t even function. As I was mid text to send-off Miles, he was contacting me at the same time! Watching Coraline with my box of tissues, Miles was delayed. He had hoped I was seated next to him on the plane ride back so we could cuddle while looking out the window (he was actually seated this time in a row with a window). I slept the rest of the day upon what a lovely thought that would be...
Man Date - Intrigued but still on the beach
Upon the last posting of questioning my kissing skills or Mancation for that matter…he came back into town and wanted to see me. The night he arrived I was working and we weren’t able to see one another but had plans to see one another the following evening. We checked in periodically through the day until I hopped in my car and drove to meet him in Hermosa Beach. Upon smelling the ocean and feeling the breeze off the water, I realized this was more of a date than our first dinner encounter in my opinion, as I found myself a wee bit nervous. Would we still have much to say to one another after contacting without any verbalization? Would I still find him funny? Charismatic? The answer was yes from the moment I heard his footsteps in the lobby. We hugged hello and he wrapped his arm around my waist and said, “It’s great to see you.”
We sat and had sushi and wine and he remembered what we ordered our first sushi dinner and I really enjoy talking to him because he asks questions from a perspective of really wanting to know or understand. We stayed at the restaurant until they had to kick us out and walked to the pier to grab another drink. Choice of bar wasn’t the best so we only stayed for one drink before it was proposed to go back to the hotel to sit on the balcony. I know that’s a bit scandalous but I didn’t and wasn’t ready for the night to come to an end. We sat on the patio listening to the ocean and just talking – a sweet moment that I very much appreciated which was met by an almost as sweet kiss. Even though I was invited to stay for the night, I knew I had to go but he hoped to see me again tomorrow before his departure. (Don’t think I didn’t see him size us up in the mirror upon me exiting). I arrived home by 3am and crashed.
However, upon waking the next morning I was exhausted which was only met with the feeling as if I were getting sick. I came home to eat chicken noodle soup in my jammies as Miles met an old friend for beers. The following day I called in sick as I couldn’t even function. As I was mid text to send-off Miles, he was contacting me at the same time! Watching Coraline with my box of tissues, Miles was delayed. He had hoped I was seated next to him on the plane ride back so we could cuddle while looking out the window (he was actually seated this time in a row with a window). I slept the rest of the day upon what a lovely thought that would be...
Man Date - Intrigued but still on the beach
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I'm back!
Sorry I've been gone so long. Again, working two jobs and trying to keep my head above water, it's been difficult to keep on track. I still have old stories to post and new stories and theories to share. Thanks for hanging tight (there is someone out there reading this right?). I have also decided to redesign the space. Why not give it a green, earthy feel?
Sunday, October 25, 2009
The Bloke -revisited
Just a funny note! Remember a long time ago when I first started writing this piece? I told you about The Bloke, he who disappeared without a trace. Well, I knew full and well that our paths would cross again.
I was at my local watering hole with Miss J, Cedes and Shadow and we all observed a hefty blonde seated beside us on the couch. I didn't think anything off it (besides my catty thought of 'you're kidding yourself wearing that dress') until I watched The Bloke cross from the bar carrying two beers to sit beside Hefty. As my present company couldn't stop staring, I carried on like I always do.
I know he saw me. He must know I saw him. What would we possibly have to say to one another? Nothing. As Cedes was slapping my leg to point out that they were deep in a make out, I thought "good for him!" Then when she led him out of the bar like a baby bird just out of the nest, I thought "Good for him!" I could have felt badly that this guy had moved on with a new hussie, I mean lassie but they seemed like they had better chemistry based on body language than me thinking date 3 would tell me if I was into him. It made for a story nonetheless - in either case - at the beginning of the blog and now. Cheerio!
I was at my local watering hole with Miss J, Cedes and Shadow and we all observed a hefty blonde seated beside us on the couch. I didn't think anything off it (besides my catty thought of 'you're kidding yourself wearing that dress') until I watched The Bloke cross from the bar carrying two beers to sit beside Hefty. As my present company couldn't stop staring, I carried on like I always do.
I know he saw me. He must know I saw him. What would we possibly have to say to one another? Nothing. As Cedes was slapping my leg to point out that they were deep in a make out, I thought "good for him!" Then when she led him out of the bar like a baby bird just out of the nest, I thought "Good for him!" I could have felt badly that this guy had moved on with a new hussie, I mean lassie but they seemed like they had better chemistry based on body language than me thinking date 3 would tell me if I was into him. It made for a story nonetheless - in either case - at the beginning of the blog and now. Cheerio!
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