Signs He's Undateable

An excerpt from US Magazine, by Ericka Souter

Not even celebs can get away with style slipups in the new book Undateable.

HE WEARS TIGHTY WHITIES
Boyish briefs are a buzzkill, solo or peeking out of a waistband.  Ellen Rakieten (author), "invest in boxers or boxer briefs."
(I find tighty whities kinda cute and sweet, but maybe that's just me).

HE STRUTS HIS STUFF IN SPANDEX
Some things are best kept under wraps, like, say,  a man's package.  "Women don't want to see all that."  Only avid cyclists can wear these shorts.

HE'S GOT A CHEWBACCA BACK
Bare skin that resembles a mohair sweater belongs in the primate cage at the local zoo.  "Men should maintain themselves like we do,"  "They should wax or keep it hidden."

HE'S HAD BAD JEANS
Ripped jeans are not for starlets, not grown men.  Before leaving the house, he should ask, "Do these jeans make me look lame?"

HE HOLSTERS HIS PHONE
The message is clear: the Bachelor has bad taste.  "Anything clipped on including a tie, is dorky."  "We all have calls coming in, but your phone shouldn't be strapped to your like a gun."
(This I couldn't agree with more.  I actually thought guys stopped holstering their phones back in the 90s, i.e. my ex boyfriend in college.  Yes, it was dorky then, and glad others still think it is.  No one is that important to have it strapped to their belt loop or pocket - not even Spielberg, etc.)

MORE DEAL BREAKS

Grousing abougt the cost of a meal or neglecting to tip is a no-no.  "You don't need to be swimming in cash, but don't drive 10 blocks to avoid a $7 valet charge and force your date to walk in heels."
(Amen)

Being a mama's boy isn't sexy.  "Spending 45 minutes talking about how your mother is a great gal is really, really, really bad."  After a certain age, it's creepy, not endearing.

Looking overly buff, too tan and extra gelled may work for the guys of Jersey Shore.  But fo rhte rest of the species, not so much.  "It says, 'I'm a huge diva'."

Going shirtless isn't a good idea, even if you have six-pack abs.  "Save it for the beach, shower or your bed." "Women wan ta little civility."

Using phrases like bee-yatcdh, buttload, chillaxin', knockers or peace out.  Cool slang? No. A major turnoff? Yes.

It can be just that simple

Turning off the girl-switch and drinking from 'It is what it is' juice, I tell myself that if Biggie wants to speak with me, see me, etc. then he can come to me. I was making it easy-breezy but it just started making me feel unsure in a usual confident world I live.  So I told the universe, "It is what it is, and it will be what it will be."


And after a day or two of no contact, and a borderline-hellish day at work, my phone rang while closing up, I say inner monologue, "Maybe it's my not-boyfriend?" It was.  Biggie called just to say hi, see how my day was and tell me he was thinking about me.  He was leaving town to travel to Florida for his movie premiere and that he'd call me when he was back in town.


Perfect. What a lovely way to end my day and make it a little better.  That's all women really want, "How was your day? I was thinking about you?"  Simple.  Perfect. Thank you, Biggie.

What'ya Want From Me?

...though our night didn't end at where I said it would, I do try to keep some of what we talk about or discuss between us, being that if this is leading somewhere, I don't want it to backfire on me.

Let's put it this way, my friends are apprehensive as of yet to jump aboard, though they all meet him many moons ago.  To quote Samantha from SATC, "Have fun, just don't have amnesia."

We ended up talking in our booze-induced state between hugs and sweet kisses and he wanted to reminicise about how we were.  I indulged a bit but couldn't help but carral him to the present-day moment.  He's asking about meeting my parents, what would my siblings and friends think, etc. and I said, "It doesn't intially matter age or what my friends think. It's what I feel.  You have to stop worrying so much about what other's think, what do you want? What makes you happy?"  He stares at me like an old-wise owl and I also say, "I love the trip down memory lane, here's the reality, we had a great thing once.  Yes, we're compatible.  But what it boils down to is something didn't 'work' and we broke up for a reason."  There's a tough swallow of reality but unfortunately even in my Biggie not-yet amnesia, I'm still very realistic.  I love being around him. He makes me laugh like no other.  But the other reality is he just moved back to town, hasn't even any furniture in his apartment, his career is somewhere floating between reality and his dream, and he's JUSt out of a relationship = rebound.

My (amazing) friends are worried I"ll get sucked in and hurt but I'm trying to be adult about it.  Though I do follow my head more (logically) than my heart (emotionally) I can't help but daydream a bit, is he supposed to be back in my life for a reason? Being that we both said on our first meet since he's back into town "Everything happens for a reason", are we a reason? Are we a we?

New Sex

Gotcha! 


Just a new quote I love from SATC. The last episode of the series: 


"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is here."


Okay, that IS what I'm looking for. And I hope it is here.  And if it's not here, I hope it is on it's way to being here.

Behind (Biggie's) Blue Eyes

Biggie and I had exchanged texts to stay in touch since our last outing (yes, there were phone calls too) - I suggested we grab a bite because I was craving sushi the following evening. His response, "Is that an invite, hell's yes!" We'll he's still enthusiastic or he doesn't give it/me a second thought. I told him I woudl touch base with him to solidify plans but work kept me bogged down to check in. I got his VM (which was full? I still find that questionable) so I didn't leave a message (well, I couldn't). I figured I'd call him a little later. He'll see that I called and a) buzz me back or b) blow me off. (No, never once did I think he was on the other line).


Suddenly my phone beeped, I looked to see who had called and it was him. Without listening to the VM, I called him right back. "Hey! I was kidnapped by my buddy Conrad. We got to drinking maragaritas. I forgot my phone at home and I wasn't about to go anywhere until he would take me home to get my phone cause I was expecting your call. I know it's 'our night' but come meet us for a drink and then we'll grab a bite from there. I want you to meet him." Knowing my working schedule the following day, I had made plans and though they weren't exactly on my terms, I wanted to see what this night would produce. Meeting for A drink isn't what happened..


I show up to the neighborhood bar halfway between my pad and his, suddenly Biggie didn't look as tall as I remember him standing next to his two friends (yes, there was a third guy in the mix, Dudley) almost 7 feet tall to his under 6 foot frame. Once I got a glass of wine in my hand, a giant bear-like hug from Biggie, I positioned myself among the men. "So how do y'all know each other?" I should have known they would turn on me, "How do you and Biggie know each other?" A pregnant pause later, and upon reading his body language, I non-challantly said, "Well, he and I used to date many years ago" with a smile. Biggie chimes in, "We almost got married." Careful not to choke on that comment of news-to-me, I quipped, "No we didn't." He says, "Yeah, we did." Conrad says, "Ooh, the one-that-got-away."  We quickly changed topics. (You see, guys make comments like that and you wonder why we paint white picket fences and bassenettes.)  I announced that I don't have to be at work until late the next day, and amoung a round of rowdy cheers, and Conrad whispers to me, "It's nice to finally meet you, I've been hearing about you all day." Hmm, really? "I hope he told you all the good stuff.,"  I said with a flutter of the eyelashes.  One drink turned into 2-3 drinks and my daydream of eating sushi was quickly diminishing in a white-wine haze. Older friend Dudley was a downer and he finally left. Upon his exit, we started talking about food! Biggie suggested another bar/restaurant where his buddy Gordon was working. We hop in my car to drive the 2 blocks, singing and laughing and Biggie states how he can't wait for Gordon to see me. "It's going to be great."  I know realistically that Gordon's not going to care either way if I'm there; it's been 4 years. We had no tie to one another. Nice guy and all but seriously, ah Biggie, such a positive dreamer. I continue to try to calm Biggie's zesty attitude about the reunion and he says, "Of course he'll be glad to see you, we were just talking about you the other night."


[That's another reference of talking about me. Conrad admitted it, Biggie admitted it second. Interesting ]


Gordon was polite upon my greeting him. We split a meal and had some DELICIOUS drinks. We were going to go to one more bar to re-acquaint with another one of our contacts from back in the day but realistically at 1am, we both couldn't and shouldn't drink anymore. Now please bear in mind all night since our 1st-2nd cocktail, Biggie is holidng my hand under the bar, placing his arm around me, hugging on me, and even sneaking in some kisses on my cheeks. I just went with the flow. There's no rationalizing with a buzzed chick. And, I wasn't of sound-mind to analyze or rationalize what the heck was (not) going on. When we dropped Conrad at his car, he asked me to come over. I said no but that's not where the night ended...

Face Time?

I was thinking about this on my drive to the work the other day, and perhaps I already know the answer.

I know plenty of girls who are guilty of Facebook stalking their guy/crush/date's pages to find out what they're up to, who's writing on their walls, pictures they post and/or are tagged in. I'm not going to say I haven't perused myself but usually (honestly) in a way like "hmm, I wonder what so and so is up to" not a daily or hourly log on to see or find out.  So this made me wonder if guys do the same thing?  Perhaps they do in that a friend of mine said, "Guys are really simple. The want to call you, they pick up the phone and do so.  They get to doing something else and forget that they had originally called you because now the game's on."

I remember running into a former flame and he asked how my birthday was, "Great! from what I remember," I said to him.  "Yeah, I saw your pictures.  Looks like a fun time."  Wait a minute? Why ask about my birthday if you just scope it out online.  Now some have asked why haven't blocked him from viewing my profile/pictures, and I don't need to. I'd rather you see me living life than thinking otherwise. ;)

Today, guy who started the whole Mancation, "liked" a photo on my account.  I thought, wow, I haven't talked to him in forever, he may or may not still be with the same girlfriend, and now I know he, too, occasionally checks out my page. In this case it prompted conversation, so I shot him a quick message to see how life is treating him. Isn't it ironic that he's suddenly single?

Kismet

"Why is it we are still in each other's lives, or connected?," Biggie asked.
"I don't know, maybe it's kismet?" I suggest
"Kiss me?" he 'jokes'
"No, kismet.  If you don't know what that is, look it up."

kis·met

[kiz-mit, -met, kis-] 

–noun  fate; destiny.

Fate or Destiny in Turkish and Urdu, a predetermined course of events, from Persian qismat, from Arabic qisma, lot, from qasama, to divide, allot; see qsm in Semitic roots. A key principle in Islam.

Luck of the (not) Irish

THIS was my server from St. Patrick's day in West Hollywood!  


That is (partial) me in the picture with my hottie server, who I didn't mind touching on me. 


The full story is on it's way.  But will it lead anywhere?


I left my card in the billfold - "I'm the brunette, call me!"  Which for those who know me, know that's pretty bold and uncharacteristic of me to do but my friends said that if I didn't act on the moment, I would sorely lose. 


I'd like to talk to my Lucky Charm again.  I guess time will tell if he'll man up with his actions.  


UPDATE 3-30-10: No, I didn't hear from my lucky charm.  It was fun to flirt for a night with hottie server.  It stepped me out of my comfort zone and act ballsy in a non-Bradshaw way.  I did see him a few days after the green beer wore off, but it was just a glance across a crowded room.  I knew, if I hadn't heard from him in 2 days I wasn't going to because he flirts to get tips but probably goes home to his girlfriend, or boyfriend (it is West Hollywood).  

Sunday (cont.), Ain't It Funny?

I now know I need to name Ex-Factor, as he may or may not be back in my life, and in watching Sex and the City seasons 1 & 2 over the weekend, I decided to refer to him (Ex) as Big. This Bradshaw too has the guy who was so right and perhaps wrong for her periodically through my life here in LA. He's not quite "Big" in that fictional series. Candace Bushnell referred to him, “He was one of those New York guys with a big personality — you just notice him as soon as he walks in the room,” and “I called him Mr. Big because he was like a big man on campus.” 


Like Candace, this is my Big-gie, that's how I'll refer to him from now on. The man who acts like big-man-on-campus, who also lights up a room just by entering it.

Back to me and Biggie deciding to meet up and catch up for a drink now that he's back in town.  


I showed up at his new (old) place around 9:30p and this cool, Sunday evening.  As I knocked on the door, my stomach drops.  Play it cool. I knock again upon no answer and lean in the doorway. Yeah, that's cool, or I convince myself it is.  A woman's voice responds from the other side, "Hello?"  Shit, did he tell me the wrong unit?, I question.  No, just Biggie playing jokes again. (Hilarious)  I barely get one foot in the door as he tackles me with a bear-like hug then immediately says, with an equally gigantic smile, "You look great, I thought we were just grabbing a drink? You're dressed up."  I wasn't 'dressed up', I was somewhere in between casual and cool - I mean come on, I had to look somewhat hot!  V-neck t-shirt bearing a little cleavage, scarf so that I wasn't bearing too much cleavage, sexy bootcut jeans, boots and a blazer cause it was cold.  He was wearing the red Revolver shirt I had seen him in so many times before, jeans and boots.  

He shows me around his apartment that is eerily familiar to the one from 4 years prior - but better - despite lack of furniture.  (See the shirt in the picture above, it was hanging on the doorknob which means he wore it the night before. SIDEBAR, I picked it out when we were dating.)  On his tour, he referred to things like how I would know them.  Or "you'll help me right, you're good at this stuff." I even said to him, "Your scent isn't here yet.  You truly haven't moved in.  Your last place had your scent."  I mean we were at the same complex, different unit.  Finally I got the ball rolling and said, "Let's get to getting, I thought we were going to grab a drink." (Plus I couldn't stand in his apartment anymore reminiscing since I was making me slightly nervous).   He grabbed a hoodie and we jumped into my car and headed to a bar up the street.


No one was there.  I joked "Um, where should we sit?" and he made some joke that reminded me what I liked about him.  He says, "I want to hear all about you" though I protested since he just had moved back but he insisted it was about me first. Then we talked about him.  Interchanging jokes, hugs, laughter, I finally say non-challantly, "So what brings you back to LA?"  (Knowing it's cause his relationship didn't work out mainly), but preface with "Please, I'm not asking you to tell me anything that's none of my business." He says, "It just didn't work out.  It wasn't right for me to be there.  It feels good to be home."  We chatted a bit more about it but I didn't want to pry too much...in essence she wasn't "it."  


Laughter flowed and I was having a blast with him.  We weren't in the past bubble, we were very much in the present day bubble.  In between laughter there would be comments about how we're still the same mixed with moments of blushing and difficulty forming sentences as our minds wandered outside the "friend zone."  "Is it hot in here?"  Being that it was a Sunday night and I had to work the following day, we paid the tab and left.  Biggie didn't want the night to end, he asked that I come in for a bit.  Knowing it could go one way or another, I decided to take a chance. 

We sat there on the floor talking (he doesn't have a couch yet) and he says it was like the last time we saw one another (before moved across the US).  It was true, we had sat on the floor talking and packing up his life.  He says to me, "I wanted to kiss you so badly that night.  You have no idea how badly I wanted to kiss you."  I was a bit shocked (but not really) being that he was leaving LA for her, but yet he was thinking about kissing me.  I said, "I had a feeling but that wouldn't have been right." He says, "We were good."  I said, "No I was good, you had a hidden agenda you couldn't act on."  While we sat there in a momentary pause, and he's holding my hand looking at me and says, "I feel like I'm in 8th grade all over again."  I ask him if he's nervous but asks if I am, "No."  

   ...and then he kissed me...    

New space, new face

So...while out for drinks Sunday night, my "ex" (the ex Factor) told me how radiant and glowing I was.  He had never seen me so happy.  Wow.  Well, I'm in a good place, and so it's projecting the right face.

Then Monday I was skipping around in the aftermath of what took place the night before and my students kept commenting on it.  Then yesterday (Tuesday), again my students asked me if I was "in love?"  How I wish I could have told them that was the reason I was feeling good, it's wasn't the fact.  The fact is I am happy and excited about where this year is heading...so far.  My student April said to me, "That's better than being in love, because you're creating this glow and energy yourself.  It's all about you."  And later added if I could bottle it up, everyone would buy it and secondly, if I were an actor auditioning, I should be landing every job right now.  Very sweet.

I mean even grocery shopping, a very nice man stopped me and complimented me on my shoes!!  (They were new and fun) and said, "those are some heels!"  I turned down the next aisle standing up a bit taller.

Of course where you are and what's going on influences and changes your life. I"m glad so far it's having positive affects cause I don't like being any other way.  Now if it could manifest me a date, I'd be sitting pretty!

SATC moment

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous. 


I have to make a date to watch the complete series (DVD collection - I have them all) and remember what a great show SATC was.  You can always reference the show, and though it has been off the air for years now, it's still relevant today.  

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

After spending the day with CoCo taking pictures in Griffith Park and getting a slight sunburn (yes even in March in LA, I can get a sunburn), I found myself home and in anticipation of seeing Ex-Factor


(Okay, at this point we need to rename him if he's being somehow reintroduced.  I haven't come up with something yet but I will.) 


He and I have exchanged text messages in the 3ish weeks he's been back, when will he deliver in the exclamation of  "I need to see you."  Well, upon our conversation Thursday, we had made tentative plans for Sunday night.  I touch base with him before leaving for Hollywood and he is all "Hell yeah" I'm in for seeing you tonight, and periodic updates throughout the day.  I call him when I get home and we make up some plans.  I'm meeting him at his apartment and then hitting up a bar to catch up over some drinks.


I'm not nervous...yet, perhaps I won't be cause I mean we're friends who just so happened to have dated about 5 years ago.  I couldn't help but ponder, how will this go?

Hello, Kramer

You all know at this point in my blog entries, that I have in fact, moved!! hooray!

I used to celebrate the fact that I now was no longer in a block radius of an ex, someone I dated, etc.  However,  since re-introducing ex-factor and settling into my new place, upon our text one night out a couple of days ago, "I'm in your hood..."   I reply with, "I don't live there anymore, I moved to the valley last weekend."  His reply, "Whhhhaaaatttt??!!?"  "True story," I say, and ask, "Where you residing these days, same place?" ....

24 hours later, literally, he says, "Same complex, different unit."

Well, I didn't respond.  (It took you a day to respond)  However, that does mean we are practically neighbors.  By over-usage of exclamation points at this stage, I couldn't tell if he was genuinely interested in knowing where I know reside or tripping a bit.