I look forward to a new year. What it entails. What it surprises me with. What it disappoints me with, well I take that back I don't want any more disappointment. I have said it time and time again that I don't believe everyone is an a-hole, there's got to be a good guy out there! Well, I'm also sick of being the "nice" girl and promise myself that 2010 will be different in choices I make and people I meet or even consider giving the time of day.
I have made the mistake with my giant heart of letting people (back) into my life who don't add to it only add frustration. I'm done. I'm sick of being nice and forgiving when I know I'll never be able to forget. Ever. I don't like carrying the hurt around with me, I just want it to release into some other world. Perhaps the "dark Bradshaw" is now ready to move on and return to me with hope for a better outcome. This LA Bradshaw needs a debut and with valor. I'm still me but I miss the original.
In this past year I couldn't be happier I took a mancation as it allowed me to talk to me and find out what I need and who I am looking for and get even closer to my girlfriends, near and far. There's so much love in my life that I often question if there's room for someone new but I know there is and I can't wait. I wish for every tear I had shed spares my heart another blunder. I sit, wrapped in a blanket by the Christmas tree at my parents house, writing this and can't help but marvel of what will life give me in 2010?
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Blog Worthy
Sidebar:
1. You know Mario disappeared weeks ago.
2. I again, no longer speak to Ringo (I haven't blogged about him as of yet but maybe I'll do a flashback in honor of LOST -one of my favorite shows - perhaps a side-back?) after he blew me off w/ no explaination so I left him a vm to "not call me ...ever" and he hasn't. Deleted his number on the spot.
Curtain up
What an adventure we had followed by the strangest way to end my year in LA.
DISCLAIMER: YOU MAY WANT TO WATCH AN EPISODE OF JERSEY SHORE TO GET SOME OF MY REFERENCES.
After dropping off Judy B, me and Cedes decide to jump to the local bar to catch a nightcap. I jokingly said "I hope Ringo and Mario are not there." Upon rounding the corner and walking towards the door, Ringo is outside smoking!! I joke, "Well look who it is." (But Cedes didn't know it was him since it had been 1 1/2 years since seeing him last). We fake hug hello and Cedes sensed it was awkward so headed inside to use the loo, and I stand there awkwardly having a not-conversation with him. He's all "You good? How's things?" acting like he did nothing wrong. I'm bored with the conversation so I say, "Well I'm heading in."
I bee-line for the bathroom, and say to her, "Now if Mario is here then the universe is fucking with me." We go mid-bar to try and get a drink. I see this guy next to me out of the corner of my eye sizing us up but don't pay attention (and I know Rngoand his buddies are in a booth but out of visual range). Waiting waiting waiting and this guy is scootching his barstool closer to me and I hear, "I know this girl." I turn an it's Mario! I turn and say "Yeah I know you too." He laughs that he didn't recognize me cause I still had my glasses on but couldn't take his hands off me, I turn and Pimp Daddy (from previous post) is there and is like "Hi, I'm...oh, I didn't recognize you!" So I continue to wait for my drink and Mario is telling me the story of how they were at Happy Endings (ugh) and it the changeover happened (which I had deemed Zombies when we were still speaking) and so they came there but they stole the clicker from the bouncer and we're keeping track how many rejections they could get from girls by just being douches. He says, "You were my next target, then I realized I know you." I said, "Well I can reject you or I can walk away so you can continue your game." He's like, "No, I don't want to play anymore" and kept giving me googley eyes and had his arm around me. His third friend was a douche (I later discovered, so we'll call him that) but he and Cedes went off to play the game, leaving me and Mario alone to talk.
He says, "I'm glad I saw you before you saw me" which made no sense except he explained if I would have seen him first I would have walked by and not said anything. So we're catching up and he's asking me what I'm doing for New Year's. I find out about Thanksgiving and his birthday, tell him I'm leaving for my hometown on Monday. blah blah, then grabs me by the scarf and lays one on me fully attacking my face. I push him away. He tries to go in again and I tell him no. He respects that, everyone comes back, he goes to the bathroom and comes back and is standing in front of me (I'm sitting). Then out of the corner of my eye two ugly chicks roll in (ala Jersey shore) and Mario walks up to them. They're the zombies they met at Happy Endings I guess. Talking with Douche and turn and see Mario making out with the uglier one! I turn back and was shocked!! (he just kissed me like 10 minutes prior). He stays by them the rest of the night and Douche is like "What's the big deal, he's single? Men are dicks right?" I said, "First of all, you're jaded for whatever reason and second, I know Mario so I can't believe he just did that." He's like, "He met #1 at HE and they hit it off but they left, and then we came here and he met #2." I said, "Well I am #1 because I met him months ago, this isn't our first meeting, and she's just sloppy seconds." He's like, "Oooooh." Then moves in for the grenade even though he told me she was so boring but he did it for Mario.
I turn to Cedes and she doesn't know why I'm so shocked except the fact he's making out with the ugliest chick in the bar. I tell her the story in the bathroom and continue to talk to Pimp. Lights come on, tab's paid, Ringo I know saw the brief face attack cause he came up to me at one point at the bar when I was closing and was like "Everything good," and he had his mad face on, then turned to the other guys (who I haven't been talking to) and ask if they need drinks. Dick. Cedes and Pimp go outside to smoke and Ringo waves me over to his booth- at this point, I sit. He's like "Do you need a ride to the airport?" I said, "I do actually." "Would you like me to take you?" "Not really, I don't think you get that I'm pissed at you!" (It's been 2 weeks) He says, "I know, Bradsaw I'm dealing with a lot of family shit. My grandma passed away that night." I said, "Ok, well you can understand why I left the message I did right?" "Yes." and I said, "You should know that you can do me the favor of being honest and courtesy of a phone call to explain yourself, although it wouldn't do much good cause you've lied so many times before. Happy holidays." I got up and walked away.
On my way to the door, Mario stands in my path and says, "Are you leaving?" Hilarious cause I was positive that he forgot I was there for the last half hour. I said, "Yes, great to see you...well it was." He looks at me confused. I said, "It was cool to catch up, but you kissed me and then she showed up and we're on her." He says, "She attacked me" off my look, "Yeah, I wasn't fighting it off very well." Then I told him it was a dick move and imagine if he were in my shoes how he'd feel but it's cool, "have a great night." He says, "I'm jerk, I know. I'm really sorry." I say, "Ok. You will be. Happy holidays, be safe."
I couldn't believe within 5 minutes I just had those 2 conversations, but necessary. It was all like a bad reality show - I kept looking for the cameras cause it wasn't normal. I was easy breezy catching up with Mario and then bam! I wish I would have taken a picture of the piece of trash. Pimp 'couldn't believe' Mario, his friend since 5 years old, and says that it was one of the biggest dick things he's ever done and that he (and Douche before he went in for the grenade) was on her when I'm the better option. Thank you universe for showing me this behavior and allowing closure - and if anything, a really good story for Mancation!
REACTIONS UPON STORY TELLING:
Judy: W.O.W. The universe must have been giving you some closure before the year's end? Can't believe that with Mario...You're a good woman, you're strong, you're funny, you're pretty, and one day you're gonna meet the right guy who knocks these 4-year-old's out of the water. LOVE YOU! Have a happy trip home :)!!
Miss J: OMG Gossip Girl!!! I CAN NOT believe Marioi!!! You need to delete him from your phone. I have no idea what he was doing there picking up people in the first place. You & I were very, very clear that (insert bar) is our regular spot. If he's blowing you off and in turn hooking up with someone else at the bar, then he needs to do it elsewhere. A custody hearing may be in order. And then to tell you that he's seeing how many girls they pick up or whatever is just immature all around. I don't even know what he could say to make last night right. It was just so wrong!
Bummer night, but I guess it's good that you killed two birds with one stone. It must at least feel nice to get that done before you leave and before the new year. They both need to stay back in 2009.
TeTe: That was a crazy story.., sounds like the same shit, different guy. I don't know why men are so incapable of dealing with personal shit. Apparently multitasking and coping don't come with the y chromosome. ugh! Yes mancation is necessary, and so are some new guys in your circle. Not worth one more second worrying about them. 2010 is gonna be our year, it has to be!
1. You know Mario disappeared weeks ago.
2. I again, no longer speak to Ringo (I haven't blogged about him as of yet but maybe I'll do a flashback in honor of LOST -one of my favorite shows - perhaps a side-back?) after he blew me off w/ no explaination so I left him a vm to "not call me ...ever" and he hasn't. Deleted his number on the spot.
Curtain up
What an adventure we had followed by the strangest way to end my year in LA.
DISCLAIMER: YOU MAY WANT TO WATCH AN EPISODE OF JERSEY SHORE TO GET SOME OF MY REFERENCES.
After dropping off Judy B, me and Cedes decide to jump to the local bar to catch a nightcap. I jokingly said "I hope Ringo and Mario are not there." Upon rounding the corner and walking towards the door, Ringo is outside smoking!! I joke, "Well look who it is." (But Cedes didn't know it was him since it had been 1 1/2 years since seeing him last). We fake hug hello and Cedes sensed it was awkward so headed inside to use the loo, and I stand there awkwardly having a not-conversation with him. He's all "You good? How's things?" acting like he did nothing wrong. I'm bored with the conversation so I say, "Well I'm heading in."
I bee-line for the bathroom, and say to her, "Now if Mario is here then the universe is fucking with me." We go mid-bar to try and get a drink. I see this guy next to me out of the corner of my eye sizing us up but don't pay attention (and I know Rngoand his buddies are in a booth but out of visual range). Waiting waiting waiting and this guy is scootching his barstool closer to me and I hear, "I know this girl." I turn an it's Mario! I turn and say "Yeah I know you too." He laughs that he didn't recognize me cause I still had my glasses on but couldn't take his hands off me, I turn and Pimp Daddy (from previous post) is there and is like "Hi, I'm...oh, I didn't recognize you!" So I continue to wait for my drink and Mario is telling me the story of how they were at Happy Endings (ugh) and it the changeover happened (which I had deemed Zombies when we were still speaking) and so they came there but they stole the clicker from the bouncer and we're keeping track how many rejections they could get from girls by just being douches. He says, "You were my next target, then I realized I know you." I said, "Well I can reject you or I can walk away so you can continue your game." He's like, "No, I don't want to play anymore" and kept giving me googley eyes and had his arm around me. His third friend was a douche (I later discovered, so we'll call him that) but he and Cedes went off to play the game, leaving me and Mario alone to talk.
He says, "I'm glad I saw you before you saw me" which made no sense except he explained if I would have seen him first I would have walked by and not said anything. So we're catching up and he's asking me what I'm doing for New Year's. I find out about Thanksgiving and his birthday, tell him I'm leaving for my hometown on Monday. blah blah, then grabs me by the scarf and lays one on me fully attacking my face. I push him away. He tries to go in again and I tell him no. He respects that, everyone comes back, he goes to the bathroom and comes back and is standing in front of me (I'm sitting). Then out of the corner of my eye two ugly chicks roll in (ala Jersey shore) and Mario walks up to them. They're the zombies they met at Happy Endings I guess. Talking with Douche and turn and see Mario making out with the uglier one! I turn back and was shocked!! (he just kissed me like 10 minutes prior). He stays by them the rest of the night and Douche is like "What's the big deal, he's single? Men are dicks right?" I said, "First of all, you're jaded for whatever reason and second, I know Mario so I can't believe he just did that." He's like, "He met #1 at HE and they hit it off but they left, and then we came here and he met #2." I said, "Well I am #1 because I met him months ago, this isn't our first meeting, and she's just sloppy seconds." He's like, "Oooooh." Then moves in for the grenade even though he told me she was so boring but he did it for Mario.
I turn to Cedes and she doesn't know why I'm so shocked except the fact he's making out with the ugliest chick in the bar. I tell her the story in the bathroom and continue to talk to Pimp. Lights come on, tab's paid, Ringo I know saw the brief face attack cause he came up to me at one point at the bar when I was closing and was like "Everything good," and he had his mad face on, then turned to the other guys (who I haven't been talking to) and ask if they need drinks. Dick. Cedes and Pimp go outside to smoke and Ringo waves me over to his booth- at this point, I sit. He's like "Do you need a ride to the airport?" I said, "I do actually." "Would you like me to take you?" "Not really, I don't think you get that I'm pissed at you!" (It's been 2 weeks) He says, "I know, Bradsaw I'm dealing with a lot of family shit. My grandma passed away that night." I said, "Ok, well you can understand why I left the message I did right?" "Yes." and I said, "You should know that you can do me the favor of being honest and courtesy of a phone call to explain yourself, although it wouldn't do much good cause you've lied so many times before. Happy holidays." I got up and walked away.
On my way to the door, Mario stands in my path and says, "Are you leaving?" Hilarious cause I was positive that he forgot I was there for the last half hour. I said, "Yes, great to see you...well it was." He looks at me confused. I said, "It was cool to catch up, but you kissed me and then she showed up and we're on her." He says, "She attacked me" off my look, "Yeah, I wasn't fighting it off very well." Then I told him it was a dick move and imagine if he were in my shoes how he'd feel but it's cool, "have a great night." He says, "I'm jerk, I know. I'm really sorry." I say, "Ok. You will be. Happy holidays, be safe."
I couldn't believe within 5 minutes I just had those 2 conversations, but necessary. It was all like a bad reality show - I kept looking for the cameras cause it wasn't normal. I was easy breezy catching up with Mario and then bam! I wish I would have taken a picture of the piece of trash. Pimp 'couldn't believe' Mario, his friend since 5 years old, and says that it was one of the biggest dick things he's ever done and that he (and Douche before he went in for the grenade) was on her when I'm the better option. Thank you universe for showing me this behavior and allowing closure - and if anything, a really good story for Mancation!
REACTIONS UPON STORY TELLING:
Judy: W.O.W. The universe must have been giving you some closure before the year's end? Can't believe that with Mario...You're a good woman, you're strong, you're funny, you're pretty, and one day you're gonna meet the right guy who knocks these 4-year-old's out of the water. LOVE YOU! Have a happy trip home :)!!
Miss J: OMG Gossip Girl!!! I CAN NOT believe Marioi!!! You need to delete him from your phone. I have no idea what he was doing there picking up people in the first place. You & I were very, very clear that (insert bar) is our regular spot. If he's blowing you off and in turn hooking up with someone else at the bar, then he needs to do it elsewhere. A custody hearing may be in order. And then to tell you that he's seeing how many girls they pick up or whatever is just immature all around. I don't even know what he could say to make last night right. It was just so wrong!
Bummer night, but I guess it's good that you killed two birds with one stone. It must at least feel nice to get that done before you leave and before the new year. They both need to stay back in 2009.
TeTe: That was a crazy story.., sounds like the same shit, different guy. I don't know why men are so incapable of dealing with personal shit. Apparently multitasking and coping don't come with the y chromosome. ugh! Yes mancation is necessary, and so are some new guys in your circle. Not worth one more second worrying about them. 2010 is gonna be our year, it has to be!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Jiffy -continued
We left it like this: "Thanks for taking care of it for me. You rock... I'll call you when I get back about the Bears game... Happy Thanksgiving! best, J"
I started to really look forward to the game that weekend...and he TEXT me right before the game begin to tell me he was hurting from Vegas, but next week. Part of me was like "Really, you couldn't have called or texted me before kick off?"
I threw out one more option of getting together for ball but realized I didn't and shouldn't have to initiate but scheduling didn't work out. We both left town for the holidays so I didn't give it much thought since I had just been duped (in my opinion) by not-so-super Mario that if the opportunity were to come along that I could be open to hanging out in the future, but with no expectation other than a chance to spend time getting to know someone new.
I mean, even choosy moms choose Jif...
I started to really look forward to the game that weekend...and he TEXT me right before the game begin to tell me he was hurting from Vegas, but next week. Part of me was like "Really, you couldn't have called or texted me before kick off?"
I threw out one more option of getting together for ball but realized I didn't and shouldn't have to initiate but scheduling didn't work out. We both left town for the holidays so I didn't give it much thought since I had just been duped (in my opinion) by not-so-super Mario that if the opportunity were to come along that I could be open to hanging out in the future, but with no expectation other than a chance to spend time getting to know someone new.
I mean, even choosy moms choose Jif...
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Back in a Jiffy
This blonde haired, blue eyed Midwest boy was a student at my work for what I would say was a "jiffy" (In informal speech it means any unspecified short period of time. He requested a refund and hadn't received it so I find out what the holdup was. I finally get it and leave him a VM to call me back - he does and goes on to say how nice I am and he didn't mean to be a dick. I didn't blame him. He asks where I normally watch the game (and I'm dense that I don't get where this is going)...then at the end of the conversation he says, "Well I'm heading to Vegas this weekend but I'll email you Sunday and let's go watch the game." Now it could be a buddy invite, don't know. Suddenly flustered that I didn't see this coming, we hang up. Upon the Mario frustration, I thought why shouldn't I take up invites from others, it puts it out there. So you're going to email me on Sunday at an address where I won’t be at? No no no. I email him when the refund is processed and say to him (at the end of my email) "It occurred to me that I won't be at this address after today so if you come back and are able, call me on my cell (#) and we'll drown ourselves in beer cause it'd be better to be in good company than suffer alone." I was proud of myself.
July
I send him an email to set up a time to interview. "I'm available anytime Monday-Wednesday to come in for an interview. Let me know what works for you :)" Great! I look forward to meeting you Monday. Same :)
August
I send his acceptance letter. "Got your letter today. Thanks very much... look forward to seeing you soon. :)
September
Classes began mid-month.
He comes to school one day wearing a (my NFL team's) hat. (You know me) Besides how sweet he was the 3 weeks he was there and would stop in the office and say hi, I said "Um you're a fan? Did you not know I was from there?!" Being a fan of my team can only score you points in my book. It's harmless banter?!
October
He had to drop classes allegedly due to other work commitments. I send him an email to tell him that I dropped him from his classes and thank him for being honest with me and wish him the best and to keep in touch.
He sends me an email: Hi... do you work out at the LA fitness in Hollywood? I could have sworn I saw you in passing, but it was from a distance as I was rushing out the door.
Tough loss yesterday...hope all is well :) ...no, I don’t work out at LA fitness. It must have been someone who looks like me. Glad the other version of me was able to capture you’re attention. :) No joke, I do have a twin, but she lives doesn’t live here. Ha ha. You're too funny. And I'm not kidding, you may have a twin ;) your presence will always capture my attention :) talk to you later. Very sweet of you to say.
November
Random email.. How are you? Game tonight - They need a win. Quick question... what is the status on and amount of ma refund? Haven't seen or heard anything on it...best, J I’ll check on your refund and get a status...Yes, ugh, the game! I love to hate 'em and hate to love ‘em. I’m trying to get out of work early to watch the game, assuming they don’t break my heart AGAIN. Thanks for checking on the refund... talk to you soon.
…In any case, you know I think you rock, and I'm sorry that I have to bother you about these things. Hopefully the Bears can change my mood with a big win :) I'll be in touch this week. Hope all is well :)
I look into what the hold up was with the refund and re-read his request, and NEVER saw at the end of it, it says, "Let's catch a game at the bar some Sunday if you want :)"
Had I missed an opportunity I didn't even know was there to begin with because I didn't read until the end? Well, as you read above at the beginning of this post, this guy didn't let up on asking or did he fumble?
BACKSTORY
July
I send him an email to set up a time to interview. "I'm available anytime Monday-Wednesday to come in for an interview. Let me know what works for you :)" Great! I look forward to meeting you Monday. Same :)
August
I send his acceptance letter. "Got your letter today. Thanks very much... look forward to seeing you soon. :)
September
Classes began mid-month.
He comes to school one day wearing a (my NFL team's) hat. (You know me) Besides how sweet he was the 3 weeks he was there and would stop in the office and say hi, I said "Um you're a fan? Did you not know I was from there?!" Being a fan of my team can only score you points in my book. It's harmless banter?!
October
He had to drop classes allegedly due to other work commitments. I send him an email to tell him that I dropped him from his classes and thank him for being honest with me and wish him the best and to keep in touch.
He sends me an email: Hi... do you work out at the LA fitness in Hollywood? I could have sworn I saw you in passing, but it was from a distance as I was rushing out the door.
Tough loss yesterday...hope all is well :) ...no, I don’t work out at LA fitness. It must have been someone who looks like me. Glad the other version of me was able to capture you’re attention. :) No joke, I do have a twin, but she lives doesn’t live here. Ha ha. You're too funny. And I'm not kidding, you may have a twin ;) your presence will always capture my attention :) talk to you later. Very sweet of you to say.
November
Random email.. How are you? Game tonight - They need a win. Quick question... what is the status on and amount of ma refund? Haven't seen or heard anything on it...best, J I’ll check on your refund and get a status...Yes, ugh, the game! I love to hate 'em and hate to love ‘em. I’m trying to get out of work early to watch the game, assuming they don’t break my heart AGAIN. Thanks for checking on the refund... talk to you soon.
…In any case, you know I think you rock, and I'm sorry that I have to bother you about these things. Hopefully the Bears can change my mood with a big win :) I'll be in touch this week. Hope all is well :)
I look into what the hold up was with the refund and re-read his request, and NEVER saw at the end of it, it says, "Let's catch a game at the bar some Sunday if you want :)"
Had I missed an opportunity I didn't even know was there to begin with because I didn't read until the end? Well, as you read above at the beginning of this post, this guy didn't let up on asking or did he fumble?
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Why Men Go M.I.A
Which is a main part of why I started this blog... Sometimes you get to find out, other times you just chalk it up to a boy on the side milk carton, witness protection, jail or any variation of such. Realistically we've all been there, things are moving along, going great and then, poof! (That's different than the pop! previously mentioned)
Where did he go? Did I do or say something wrong? Will he come back? Whatever the case may be, I have always said (even if it's just to make me or others feel better), people come into your life for a reason - the duration is not always determined. Sometimes it's a distraction, sometimes it's necessary for you to meet the real deal, and other times it just a waste of time. I believe I am an intelligent, strong, and real woman who cannot wait to meet someone.
Miss J sent me this article from Glamour, as my go-to gal, we are constantly challenged as we think we're beginning to understand:
WHY MEN GO M.I.A.
SINGLE-ISH - Daily Dating Blog for Glamour magazine
Originally posted Friday, 11/ 6/2009
Recently, I’ve been getting messages from readers wanting to know why men stop calling without an explanation. This is a huge component of a single girl’s dating life, so let’s address it!
In my experience, I find that if a man disappears for good, it’s because of one of two reasons:
Where did he go? Did I do or say something wrong? Will he come back? Whatever the case may be, I have always said (even if it's just to make me or others feel better), people come into your life for a reason - the duration is not always determined. Sometimes it's a distraction, sometimes it's necessary for you to meet the real deal, and other times it just a waste of time. I believe I am an intelligent, strong, and real woman who cannot wait to meet someone.
Miss J sent me this article from Glamour, as my go-to gal, we are constantly challenged as we think we're beginning to understand:
WHY MEN GO M.I.A.
SINGLE-ISH - Daily Dating Blog for Glamour magazine
Originally posted Friday, 11/ 6/2009
Recently, I’ve been getting messages from readers wanting to know why men stop calling without an explanation. This is a huge component of a single girl’s dating life, so let’s address it!
In my experience, I find that if a man disappears for good, it’s because of one of two reasons:
1. He did something wrong or hurtful…
I’ve never met a man who liked facing me and admitting wrongdoing. Neither have my friends. I once explained it to a girl like this: A lot of men are all about pride and dignity. Women are too, but we know we can’t survive that way. We might need to approach a stranger and ask her for a tampon. Men can’t or won’t do that. They would run across the street and buy the tampon themselves. But women are willing to show a little vulnerability, admit we’re empty-handed, apologize, and ask for help.
There’s a book that really drives home this point about pride/shame/ego/dignity and dudes, and it helped me to really see what can go on inside a boy's pinhead. It’s Larry McMurtry's wonderful and short novel, The Last Picture Show. I read it a long time ago, so chime in if I’ve forgotten something. Anyway (spoiler alert), there’s a boy character who wrongs a woman he has been seeing. She is waiting for him to stop by and explain himself, and she is totally ready to forgive him. They love each other. But he never comes back. He is so ashamed. His pride and his embarrassment of his behavior keeps him away. To a woman, that makes no sense. What a waste of a good relationship! Just say “oops, my bad” and we’ll hug you and forgive you. We’re pretty easy that way. But men just can’t face you for some reason. Next time this happens, just imagine him asking another dude for a tampon. That’s not gonna happen, either.
2. He suddenly realizes he’s headed toward a relationship…
Girls plan ahead. What will I wear on this date? Will I go to second base? What should I say if he tries something? Should I shave my legs just in case? Will he ask me for a second date and should I say yes? Will I end up marrying him? Guys don’t think ahead. He might have said something about the future (“Let’s go to Santa Barbara one weekend”), but it really says how he was feeling in that moment—happy, road-trippy—and not about wanting you in his life for a future weekender. (I know, false advertising! And such a strange way to express your feelings!)
At some point, maybe even six months into dating you, he realizes he’s committing himself, and he takes the easy way out—he disappears. He knows this is a bad thing. You should know he knows—and that will have to be enough, because you probably won’t convince him to come back. He's not ready for the responsibility of a relationship. What he knows (rather conveniently and optimistically) is that you’ll be fine because a worthier man will snatch you up soon enough. Possibly a man who could ask for a tampon—on your behalf, if you were stranded, and in a complete bind.
Of course, I’m only speaking from my own experience, and the patterns of behavior I’ve observed. And this is the only way I can explain it to other women. I’m sure my male readers will have something to say, so please explain it to us—we want to know! Also, I’d like to see a show of hands—by way of a comment—if a man has ever disappeared on you. I think it will help other women to stop feeling like it’s just them.
I’ve never met a man who liked facing me and admitting wrongdoing. Neither have my friends. I once explained it to a girl like this: A lot of men are all about pride and dignity. Women are too, but we know we can’t survive that way. We might need to approach a stranger and ask her for a tampon. Men can’t or won’t do that. They would run across the street and buy the tampon themselves. But women are willing to show a little vulnerability, admit we’re empty-handed, apologize, and ask for help.
There’s a book that really drives home this point about pride/shame/ego/dignity and dudes, and it helped me to really see what can go on inside a boy's pinhead. It’s Larry McMurtry's wonderful and short novel, The Last Picture Show. I read it a long time ago, so chime in if I’ve forgotten something. Anyway (spoiler alert), there’s a boy character who wrongs a woman he has been seeing. She is waiting for him to stop by and explain himself, and she is totally ready to forgive him. They love each other. But he never comes back. He is so ashamed. His pride and his embarrassment of his behavior keeps him away. To a woman, that makes no sense. What a waste of a good relationship! Just say “oops, my bad” and we’ll hug you and forgive you. We’re pretty easy that way. But men just can’t face you for some reason. Next time this happens, just imagine him asking another dude for a tampon. That’s not gonna happen, either.
2. He suddenly realizes he’s headed toward a relationship…
Girls plan ahead. What will I wear on this date? Will I go to second base? What should I say if he tries something? Should I shave my legs just in case? Will he ask me for a second date and should I say yes? Will I end up marrying him? Guys don’t think ahead. He might have said something about the future (“Let’s go to Santa Barbara one weekend”), but it really says how he was feeling in that moment—happy, road-trippy—and not about wanting you in his life for a future weekender. (I know, false advertising! And such a strange way to express your feelings!)
At some point, maybe even six months into dating you, he realizes he’s committing himself, and he takes the easy way out—he disappears. He knows this is a bad thing. You should know he knows—and that will have to be enough, because you probably won’t convince him to come back. He's not ready for the responsibility of a relationship. What he knows (rather conveniently and optimistically) is that you’ll be fine because a worthier man will snatch you up soon enough. Possibly a man who could ask for a tampon—on your behalf, if you were stranded, and in a complete bind.
Of course, I’m only speaking from my own experience, and the patterns of behavior I’ve observed. And this is the only way I can explain it to other women. I’m sure my male readers will have something to say, so please explain it to us—we want to know! Also, I’d like to see a show of hands—by way of a comment—if a man has ever disappeared on you. I think it will help other women to stop feeling like it’s just them.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Ebony and Ivory
November 2009
While Mario got lost in the clouds, I wasn't about to sit home feeling sorry about it (I have to maintain my socializing) so of course I accepted an invitation from Shadow to meet up with she and her two friends to watch Monday Night Football. I mean 3 of my favorite things - beer, boys, and football!
These two guys didn't know they were meeting the yin to the yang of friends. We were having a great time with no pretenses. Talking work, relationships, careers, and when we realized we hadn't paid attention to any of the game, we decided to switch venues.
While thought we had a good thing going, two of their other (girl) friends showed and they invited them to join us. Sure, it was weird but I can go with the flow, Shadow on the other hand was less than pleased these girls crashed our night (since she was interested in Ivory). I was getting bored at their lack of contributing to the conversation but perhaps it was due to their ages. I think Shadow burned them with her evil stares that they got the drift and split.
Now we were back to the starting foursome - Ebony, Ivory, and (us) salt and pepper. ha ha If Ivory wasn't putting his arm around my back, he was steal glances from Shadow while she was flirting with Ebony. Then while I talked to Ebony, he was asking if I were interested in Ivory as he and Shadow are kissing at the table. It was bizarre. We finally parted ways with them though they wanted us to go to another bar and we had to leave while we were semi-coherent, and their advances didn't get any stronger.
It was a fun-loving, laughter-induced, beer-filled evening that I needed to take my mind of "what's his name" and realize what I always know when guys do pull this shit - if you don't know what you want and need to chicken out by disappearing in order to save face, than you're just as big a coward as others that have crossed my path. When you miss your connection, you can always fly stand-by or just wait for the next available flight.
Speaking of...the VERY next day I just had a (short-lived) former student ask me to watch the game with him on Sunday. Totally caught off guard. There you go Mario!
While Mario got lost in the clouds, I wasn't about to sit home feeling sorry about it (I have to maintain my socializing) so of course I accepted an invitation from Shadow to meet up with she and her two friends to watch Monday Night Football. I mean 3 of my favorite things - beer, boys, and football!
While thought we had a good thing going, two of their other (girl) friends showed and they invited them to join us. Sure, it was weird but I can go with the flow, Shadow on the other hand was less than pleased these girls crashed our night (since she was interested in Ivory). I was getting bored at their lack of contributing to the conversation but perhaps it was due to their ages. I think Shadow burned them with her evil stares that they got the drift and split.
Now we were back to the starting foursome - Ebony, Ivory, and (us) salt and pepper. ha ha If Ivory wasn't putting his arm around my back, he was steal glances from Shadow while she was flirting with Ebony. Then while I talked to Ebony, he was asking if I were interested in Ivory as he and Shadow are kissing at the table. It was bizarre. We finally parted ways with them though they wanted us to go to another bar and we had to leave while we were semi-coherent, and their advances didn't get any stronger.
It was a fun-loving, laughter-induced, beer-filled evening that I needed to take my mind of "what's his name" and realize what I always know when guys do pull this shit - if you don't know what you want and need to chicken out by disappearing in order to save face, than you're just as big a coward as others that have crossed my path. When you miss your connection, you can always fly stand-by or just wait for the next available flight.
Speaking of...the VERY next day I just had a (short-lived) former student ask me to watch the game with him on Sunday. Totally caught off guard. There you go Mario!
I Just Haven't Met You Yet!
This is my latest jam! Find me a Buble!
(Congratulations to him though, he just got engaged recently)
(Congratulations to him though, he just got engaged recently)
I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
Have Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stopped Keepin Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
Then I Let Myself Down.
I Tried So Very Hard Not To Lose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility
And I Now Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Time
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life
And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility
And Somehow I Know That Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It By It
To Be United
And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility
And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get
Oh You Know It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get
...I Just Haven't Met You Yet
There's a Fine, Fine Line
Okay, it's a song from Broadway's Avenue Q, but I heard it the other day and liked it!
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend.
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.
There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie.
And there's a fine, fine lie between "you're wonderful" and "goodbye".
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.
And I don't have time to waste on you anymore
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...Oh
There's a fine, fine line between together and not.
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the thing you want while still in your prime...
There's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time.
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.
There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie.
And there's a fine, fine lie between "you're wonderful" and "goodbye".
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.
And I don't have time to waste on you anymore
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...Oh
There's a fine, fine line between together and not.
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the thing you want while still in your prime...
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Gooble gooble goo, and gobble gobble gickel
Thanksgiving is associated with giving thanks for the harvest and expressing gratitude. As expressed in previous posts, guys (whether they realize it or not) can tend to flee before the holiday season - Thanksgiving until New Years Eve - in hopes of not having to commit to the holiday blunder, buy presents, spend time or meeting friends and family. If you flee before the end of November, you're scott-free.
The ever optimist knows there are some out there who don't do this and one day there will be someone who will slice the turkey, say grace, and play taboo with my extended California family. Upon my last date with Mario, I knew it was done instinctively. He leaves town to spend it with his family followed by a birthday then Christmas and New Years.
The game (Super Mario Bros.) has eight levels, and Mario must pass them all in order to rescue the princess. After the eighth level is beaten, Mario receives a kiss from the princess. We got to 6 dates but not enough levels to rescue the princess let alone earn the victorious kiss. Instead Mario lost life, got a little smaller, and fell off the screen (insert Mario sound effect here).
So entering into Tryptophan-ness, a lot had happened in the matter of a week. Mario disappeared, former student asks me to watch football only with no intention of actually following through, I catch up with a former flame (haven't written about him yet), spend time with my family, see my ex for sushi and sake only to question "Can we be friends or should we even be friends?" And lastly, the guy who started me on my blog adventure posts that he's 'in a relationship'. The last one stung the most! He, the guy who told me every guy was a jerk, a liar, and not worthy of me and that I'm perfect in his eyes and always wished I would give him the opportunity to treat me the way I deserve, desire and should demand. He, did what they all had and then some, he too, disappeared and left me heartbroken (that was my claim).
What a busy week indeed but rather than turning off the phone and locking the door, I continued on my quest. December must produce some different results and with that, Mancation Resumed!!!
BUT NOT TO WORRY, IT GOT A LITTLE QUIET FOR A WHILE IN DECEMBER ONLY TO END WITH AN "INCIDENT!"
The ever optimist knows there are some out there who don't do this and one day there will be someone who will slice the turkey, say grace, and play taboo with my extended California family. Upon my last date with Mario, I knew it was done instinctively. He leaves town to spend it with his family followed by a birthday then Christmas and New Years.
So entering into Tryptophan-ness, a lot had happened in the matter of a week. Mario disappeared, former student asks me to watch football only with no intention of actually following through, I catch up with a former flame (haven't written about him yet), spend time with my family, see my ex for sushi and sake only to question "Can we be friends or should we even be friends?" And lastly, the guy who started me on my blog adventure posts that he's 'in a relationship'. The last one stung the most! He, the guy who told me every guy was a jerk, a liar, and not worthy of me and that I'm perfect in his eyes and always wished I would give him the opportunity to treat me the way I deserve, desire and should demand. He, did what they all had and then some, he too, disappeared and left me heartbroken (that was my claim).
What a busy week indeed but rather than turning off the phone and locking the door, I continued on my quest. December must produce some different results and with that, Mancation Resumed!!!
BUT NOT TO WORRY, IT GOT A LITTLE QUIET FOR A WHILE IN DECEMBER ONLY TO END WITH AN "INCIDENT!"
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