Schlep not Worth it - My story

Pertaining to the last entry I posted based on Miss J's link, is love ever worth the schlep even for a dope?  Here’s my story:

I had begun dating Van Gogh after meeting him on an online dating site.  (Mind you, I think it's fair to say I'll never online again)  We seemed to have a lot in common, both creative types and had some great dates. But this was a freelance artist who spent most of his day sleeping while I was working on bringing home the bacon.  I tried to look beyond it since we were still in the "dating with no label" faze but I couldn't help but wonder if I were living some kind of déjà vu from a previous relationship (i.e. the-out -of -work “actor”).  I tried to be open-minded and go with the flow.  

I even felt guilty (though he claimed to always wanting to pay for dates "as the man") and planned a date one night.  From the time he arrived until the last detail, I had it all planned. As we drove in my car he thanked me for the treat as he "spent all his money on me" so it was a nice change. At a stop light, I looked him like you've must be joking?  He wasn't BTW.  And off my look says, "Well, how else was I going to get you?"  Wow.  Um, well it's not like you took me to 4-star restaurants dude, so I'm not sure where I broke the bank when you insisted you were repped by a gallery showing your "art".  I was so mad.  I tried to blow it off and go on our awesome date I planned.  Ice skating was something I loved that I wanted to introduce to him. He pouted cause he wasn't good and just wanted "to watch me".  Annoyed and over it, I told him we would move on to plan B.  I knew of a great band playing at a local bar so we could order drinks and food and perhaps boogie. Well, we did 2 more of the 3 things I love, drink and eat, but I wanted to boogie.  What a bore.  We had been dating like 2 months and I was already bored…

Some conversations of how it killed itself:

…I just don't get him. We had plans 2 weeks ago and he just didn't call...for 4 days and when he did he acted like he didn't do anything wrong. I finally said, "I thought we had plans." His response: "Yeah, I know...but I'm in a funk and I don't have any money." I told him that I understand where he's coming from but he should call and tell me this than just not calling. It's NOT okay. I was pissed and let him know it. I mean we've been "dating" for a couple of months now. I'm bored. He called yesterday and I was just bored with the "I don't have a job" talk and "I did nothing" all day spiel. He asked what I was doing this weekend, and even though it was Tuesday, I already have a jam packed weekend...he says, "Well I'd like to see you if I can get the gas money together." Sexy. I just don't think he's being honest with me enough and I'm over it. Part of me does want to see him so I can end it face to face but if he can't muster up the gas to drive to Hollywood, I may not get my chance.

I thought here was a nice guy for once and he's just as flakey (and admits it) as the others. I always think people are capable of change if they're ready.

I had a message from Van Gogh at like 9:30…wondering what I was doing for the weekend, well I already told you and you're calling me at 9:30 on a Friday night?

Finally, I took the chicken way out and I wrote to him: "I know this may seem late-coming but I feel the need to say hi. For what it's worth, I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for timing. Timing of this email, timing for a phone call, and just timing in general. I think you're great and I like you a lot but judging by the past couple of weeks we don't seem to be on the same time schedule or something. I value the time we spent together. I wish you nothing but the best today, and always!" SENT at 10pm

(I really wasn’t sorry for any of it.  I didn’t do anything wrong.  But I was trying to take the “nice” way out). 

He responded: the following day by 8pm
"I'm very glad you wrote. I thought the times we've had together were great, but unfortunately yes timing has been a factor. Maybe a little later down the road we can grab some drinks and see what happens? …Any ways, I wish you the best and I'll write as things move along. I hope you'll do the same. Lots of kisses, Van Gogh."

He never wrote.  Now that myspace is out and Facebook is in, we found one another there.  We exchanged a couple of friendly notes to one another but I discovered that he had a woman in his life and told me one night on IM, that they were moving out of state together to “start their life.”  I was really happy for him because as much of a “match” online dating claimed we were, this woman had something I never did. 

Regardless of Mancation past or previous, I’m not jaded. I still truly believe there are good eggs out there.  Not every guy is a liar or a starving artist of some sort.  When you’re looking for something to distract you from what you’ve been dealing with you can convince yourself that something is right, when in fact it’s wrong.  My dad said to me upon my first heartbreak:  Dating shouldn’t be hard but love can be.  Oh, that and “don’t waste your time on someone who won’t waste their time on you.”  10 years later, it still rings true.  Van Gogh is a good guy, just not the guy for me. And he was a cat guy, and I’m a dog person.  It would have never worked. ;)

**Keep in mind also, now thinking about it, this was a guy who wanted to "have the talk" of "Where the relationship was going" after 2 or 3 dates.  He then confided in me that it wasn't fair to  try to convince me to go from date to boyfriend in 3.5 seconds.  It could have been he was so desperate for a plus one that he forgot he wasn't ready.  Sidebar: He had broken off a 3 year engagement about 6 months prior to meeting me.  Hmm.