He's Just Not That Into You If...

....he's NOT asking you out! 

"Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out"- Greg Behrendt, author He's Just Not That Into You.

IT'S SO SIMPLE! When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you'd like us to be.

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNED:

* An excuse is a polite rejection.
* Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking.
* If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
* Just because you like to lead doesn't mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.
* Men don't forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.

While I don't (usually) quote a book like this for my blog, it is this simple.  If a guy likes you, HE will find a way to be with you, call you, hug you, kiss you, and so on and so on... As previously mentioned, Mac finally called but there was no follow through to set up plans.  That's no good.

Mac: a 44 year old man, owns his own home, runs a successful business.  Capable of a relationship as he mentioned being in a 5 year relationship previously (not sure when).  Although, I can't help but go with my instinct from when I first met him, a house in the hills that he only leaves to work, i.e. like a man in his log cabin in sheer seclusion.  Hmm.  Took him 5 days to call me after getting my number.

Veintiséis:  a 26 year old guy, who lives with roommates in the valley, works in Marketing, is smart (self-proclaimed geek) who is well-traveled.  Met at a bar on a Wednesday night (that I could have been out with Mac).  Gave him my number before leaving.  He texted me the next day -less than 24 hours after meeting. 


Who wins in this situation?? 

Veintiséis!  Here's why: 

Met Wednesday night at Firefly.  We parted ways around 1:30-2am.  He texted me the very next day around 7:30pm. 

LESS THAN 24 HOURS AFTER MEETING!! That's how you know if a guy is serious or going to play guy-games (i.e. wait the 2 days; then shoot a text by the next week asking how my weekend was; or never call or contact me at all). Now, though I appreciate this guy delivered on some level, I would have preferred a phone call but I'm not trying to be picky. I text him back telling him how nice it was to meet him as well and we shoot a few more texts back and forth.  

I was out with Cedes, Shadow, Miss J and some other girls.  I kept it brief but he was quick and witty.    Clearly reading a hint of an invite in there, I simply say, "Perhaps..."  His reply, "Sounds good." followed with, "Let me know which night is good for you."  Okay, not only was the hint followed up with a question, I think I was surprised by his instant response.  "Weekend or Week night?"  I ask.  He says,"Either works for me."  That was around 2pm on a Friday.  I didn't respond to the last text because basically he told me that he's available, when I'm available.   Going on about my night when my phone beeps at 6:45pm- just as I'm about to update my blog.  He says, "O, are you asking or telling me?"  (about 5 hours after his last text)  I find this amusing because text message is so clear (sarcasm).  I say, "I was asking what your social calendar was like to plan accordingly."  

Even if in modern times he asked me out via text message, he still asked and within 48 hours of having met me.  That stands for something in my book. 

Here's why I'm not sure if he "wins": He texted me around 11am to root for USA.  I asked if they won or scored?  He replies with "Fail, you're not watching are you?" Nope. Not watching.  He continues to text me throughout the whole game until it's over.  I think it's part eager, part cute...UNTIL after USA loses he texts how he's drunk.  Most people watching the World Cup are, but tells me how "he can do things" that most guys can't."  The next 2 text messages are gibberish because he's clearly wasted to me now.  

I don't respond.  He says, "I'm drunk, I'm really sorry."  I don't respond.  "Please ignore, I'm drunk. I'm sorry."  I just text with, "Ok" because I don't know what else to say cause apparently I was going to get a text message every hour saying sorry.  The next morning, literally 10:15am, exhausted as I didn't get in until 530am I finally look at my vibrating phone which woke me, "I apologize for that comment.  Hope you had a fantastic Sunday!!!!" 

Now, how do you take this?  Nice that he apologized sober?  Desperate for approval for his poor decision making - text messaging skills?  My girls told me I should give him a shot even after the comments as he apologized immediately.  I asked a guy and his opinion was, "Wow!  Obviously that behavior worked with some girl along the way so he thinks it's okay."  Hmm.  When I shared with my girls the morning apology they had varying reactions.

Miss J: "Damn! He's SPRUNG.  You will definitely see him tomorrow." 
Cedes:: "Did you write back?"
Shadow: "Well that was nice of him to say.  Will you still go for one date? I think one date is worth it with him.  Even though his maturity level shined bright..."

I am on the fence.  He had redeeming qualities with follow through and delivering, and I'm not trying to be a prude or anything, but it was a turn off for me.  How can you dirty talk to me before even us having a first date?  And perhaps that's all the game you got so you decided to brag about it ahead of time?  I'll keep you posted.

24 Things...

I bolded and underlined the ones I love!!

24 Things...Women Wish We Could Tell Men  (to make dating easier for everyone)

From Single-ish - the dating blogger from Glamour magazine Erin Meanley

Do you ever wish you could have the undivided attention of every single man on this planet? So you could set the record straight about who we really are and what we want? Well, I’m going to make an attempt here…without the male attention, of course. Hopefully it doesn't sound too harsh. This list looks like it was written for guys, but I hope that when you read it, you will relate to what I’m saying, and that it will make you either laugh, learn, or love being you....

1. Every woman could use one compliment a day.

2. We'd rather you didn't say, “I’ll call you” if you really mean “goodbye.” Just don’t say anything—we won’t think you’re a jerk as we part ways for the night. And you know the saying that goes, “It’s better to under-promise and over-deliver”? How about, just don’t promise anything and don’t deliver anything.

3. Most of us are not crazy or psycho. We can be emotional and hormonal.

4. If we catch you glancing at our chest when you’re a foot away, we’ll think you’re rude and have no willpower. You can look, but from a distance.

5. Even the most confident among us can act needy and insecure at times. It happens when you start pulling away and we’re not aware that that's what you're doing, only that you’re acting funny. But oh, you should see how cool and independent most of us are when we’re not dating someone.

6. Tampon commercials are silly, but don’t complain about having to watch them. Try having to use them—tampons, I mean—for most of your life. When you complain, it makes you look insensitive. And weak. We have no sympathy.

7. Please don’t yell when you think we’re driving poorly, especially if we’re from the west coast and we’ve never seen a rotary before. Just give us advice, help, or moral support. (P.S. If you stomp your foot on the ground because you think we should brake, well, it's just funny. We will brake if/when we need to.)

8. If you text, “Hows ur week goin?” we can either reply “good” and risk sounding curt (see #16) or we can send you a 400-word document. Don’t put us in this position. Just don’t text open-ended questions.

9. Texting a girl twice a week does not count as staying in contact. It’s meaningless and a waste of everyone’s time. Let her go.

10. Booty texts: weak.

11. If you’re a mama’s boy and you’re looking for a wife, think about it: what woman wants to be #2? Consider setting boundaries and work on establishing some independence. You and your mom can have a loving relationship without being co-dependent.

12. After you do something bad, it would be so much better if you called us right away to apologize. You think it’s best to wait a few days while we cool off, but what’s cooling off is our feelings for you. Man up. The sooner the better.

13. The reason we’re up in your grill about what time you’re coming over, and the reason we’re so good at communicating our own whereabouts, is that since the beginning of time our parents were making us report back to them about where we were and when we’d be home. Most of the girls I knew, including my sister and I, didn’t have the freedom the boys in our neighborhood had. Then in college, out of habit, we always told our roommates when we would be home (especially if we went to school in a bad neighborhood), and they did the same. So that’s why we’re like that. We’ve been under tight surveillance since birth and it took a lot of work just to be allowed (FINALLY) to ride our bikes un-chaperoned to the movie theater. Now we’re trained. If you don’t like that we’re this way, take it up with our parents.

14. High heels really hurt.

15. Teasing won’t bait us. Attempting to wear us down is annoying.

16. 5-word emails seem cranky. Efficient, yes. Loving, no. Greet. Ask questions. Elaborate where possible.

17. If we say we’re babysitting for a friend, we did not say we want to have a baby now and that we want you to be the dad. “I’m babysitting” simply means, “I’m busy being a good friend.” You are paranoid and it’s embarrassing.

18. Stop talking about marrying us until you actually give one of us a ring.

19. Please be aware of how serious and in love you sound. Just say, “I like you,” not, “Let’s fly to Miami next month.” (I thought guys were supposed to be direct.) Sure, it sounds cooler (and less vulnerable) to talk a big game about Miami, but come next month, you won't remember saying anything about Miami.

20. (Shy readers, look away): Nipple skin is not as tough as elbow skin. Please be gentle.

21. If a girl has pretty eyes, she has probably heard men tell her that five thousand times. It’s fine to repeat the compliment, but you’ll make a much bigger impression if you find something else to compliment.

22. As far as having children goes, you have the luxury of time. Appreciate it.

23. Taking us for granted is probably the worst thing you could do after cheating and lying. Since women are very good at appreciating each other, your behavior looks kinda selfish to us.

24. The word is “cherish.” Do you cherish her? 

Ebony and Ivory and a side of Mac

Just as I was literally sititng down to write about the tale of Mac and how he wasn't "that into me," I heard my phone ring in the other room.  I let whomever was calling go to voicemail, but I knew full well that it was the previously mentioned Mac.  The reason I know this is because just when a girl writes off a guy as "oh well, could have been fun" that's when they make a reappearance.  I listen to the VM and it's sounds a little ammature.  "Hey, it's Mac, you know Ebony and Ray's friend. Uh, still recovering from that hangover. You and Shadow are great, seeing what you're up to and wanted to say hi.  Give me a call."


Hmm. Really?  You're still recovering from you hang over from 5 DAYS ago?!?!  That's what you segway was? And I know who you are when you call, you don't need to identify yourself by mutual friends.  Then again, it was kind of cute cause he sounded nervous and didn't know what to say.  We've all had those moments right??  I did NOT call him back that night.  It took you 5 days to dial me up, now you can sweat it out a little.  Not trying to play games but perhaps it'd be different if there was an invite out in his VM, he would have gotten an automatic call back.


Next day, working away and Shadow texts me that she's going out with Ebony and Ivory after work and wants me to go with, Ray will be there too.  I had a long, crazy day so I already knew I needed a post-work drink.  She thought maybe Mac would be there but wasn't sure.  On my break, I give him a call back, got his VM.  (I left something cute)  On my drive home straight over the hill to Shadow's, my phone rang just as I was pulling up...it...was...Mac.  "Hey! How are you? What are you doing?"  "I'm good, about to pull up to Shadow's actually."  "Oh, yeah, Ray called saying they were going out for drinks.  Where they headed?"  "The usual haunt." "Oh.  Well I won't be able to make it tonight."  "Oh, that's too bad."  "Yeah, DEFINITELY next time, like if you guys are out this weekend or something."  "Okay, that sounds good."  "Well, have fun tonight and tell everyone I said hi."  FOR THE RECORD: THAT PHONE CALL TOOK ALL OF 2 MINS, 18 SECS.  Now I realize this isn't a stimulating conversation but I admit my voice went into girly-octive without being able to control that factor when a guy is on the line.  ha ha ha  He was asking what I was doing already knowing, and I was trying to be easy breezy which came out a bit awkward.  I don't know what to make of it. We'll see if he calls ME.


BACKSTORY: Shadow met Ebony first, they became friends.  Ebony introduces her to Ivory cause they're BFF.  Shadow takes a liking to Ivory and sets her sights to get him.  Eventually he gives in and they hook up a couple of times.  Ivory is now a daddy and Shadow says she wants 'none of that' anymore.  At Superbowl, we met Ray and Mac.  Ray took a liking to Shadow, and wouldn't let up.  At the end of our evening, Ray says to Shadow, "So you coming to my place or are you coming to mine?"  Shadow tells him that ain't happening.  He says, "Your place then."  From that February day, Ray hasn't let up his thing for Shadow even though he's in a 'relationship'.  Shady.  Ray even agrees that they can be friends (platonically), even though we all know that he doesn't want to just be your buddy.  


Me and Shadow head to the neighborhood haunt and there are Ray, Ebony and Ivory waiting for us.  We have a couple of drinks there and everyone's question to me is, "So what's going on with you and our boy Mac?"  I was surprised these guys were asking so outfront.  I said, "I don't know. I guess we'll see."  Now Ray at one point is in my ear and says, "So you and Mac going to go out?"  "Perhaps, if he asks me.  We'll see. You're his friend, do you think I should?" Ray, "Well yeah, I wouldn't say anything bad about him."  I should hope not!  "But it depends what you're looking for."  "Oh?"  He says, "If you're looking for a boyfriend, perhaps Mac's not your guy.  If you want to go out and have a good time, then yes."  "Good to know. I guess we'll see."  Perhaps off my aloofness Ray continues, "I mean if something develops out of that great, right?"  I took what Ray said with a grain of salt, no lime, as he's a bit sour.


Ebony and Ivory say that they talked about the situation too, however I couldn't decify if it was among the guys or with guy in question.  Ivory says, "I told him, if he's hoping just to sleep with you, it ain't going to happen. She's not that kind of girl."  Ebony validates this statement.  I tell them both, "If that was what I was looking for, I could have it but that's not what I want."  That was all we talked of him for the rest of the night.


Bar 2: new opening in Sherman Oaks.  Sausage fest.  Ivory was so drunk but hilarious.  We stayed for drink before heading back to Studio City to another one of their haunts.  I'm hoping not to run into Biggie (though I was looking good).  Funny enough, when we pulled up to the valley, his best friend was waiting for his car.  I exited and didn't say anything to him.  Inside, Ivory is hitting on Shadow, and making comments to me on the side.  Ebony is making me laugh but then upon a guy at the bar chatting me up, I turned around and Ebony left with his buddy L, and Ivory ran off in a huff somewhere.  I kept chatting to the cute 26 year old, and his two friends.  Starving, we all took a trip to In-N-Out.  I haven't had In-N- Out in 5 years (since Biggie).  Veintiséis was funny, smart with a side of self-declared nerdy. Ivory was blowing up Shadow's phone for some after-hour activity and Veintiséis was helping but alas, Ivory was pretty drunk and not getting it. 47 going on 12. Veintiséis made some comments/jokes that I laughed out loud at and he says, "I do have your number right? Cause I like you." Yes, I gave him my number, a rarity.


We all hug and say good night.  Veintiséis picks me up and swings me around.  Wow. Okay.  Will I heard from nerdy Veintiséis?  And when will I heard from Mac again, if ever?

Mancation Status:  Still on the beach, but I'm getting antsy maybe cause it's summertime.


Funniest part of the night that wasn't brought to my attention until Shadow woke up hungover the next am...she got a text from Ray."Ok. You talked me into it. You can still come over if you want to. I'm home. I mean that I want too."

Big Mac with a side of...

I have never before written about this man, we'll call him "Mac".  I originally met him back in February at Superbowl which he hosted at his beautiful house in the hills.

Mac was quiet and seemed to keep to himself among the noise of the game, etc.  When the party dialed down, the Saints won, and most people left, me and my girls found ourselves still there celebrating with Mac and his friends.  Shadow suggested the hot tub on this coooooooooooold February Sunday evening, and it had to 'warm up' before it was people ready. He asks, "What about you water, you in?" (I was DD so I was drinking water).

In the time being, Mac gave us a tour.  I joked with him how I could see myself living there as we picked out t-shirts and shorts to wear in the tub among my dream closet, dream bathroom, dream bedroom...he gave me his "very special shirt" to wear.  I didn't think much of it as I assumed he was getting his flirt on, (mostly because I was confused by the text back from Biggie) until he, Shadow, me and his friend got in the tub.  We toasted champagne and laughed a lot.  I thought Mac and Shadow were feeling each other until I felt Mac's feet on mine.  Apparently he was playing a wee bit of footsie.

Upon drying off and changing back into the clothes we came in, we all said out goodbyes....but Mac didn't ask for a number or anything so I chalked it up to a bit of flirty after a long day/night.  I do remember him saying, "See you soon" and I couldn't help but ponder, is he chalking that up to chance that we'll see one another again, I mean otherwise he would have asked for digits?


CUT TO: A THURSDAY NIGHT, LAKERS GAME 7 OF THE NBA PLAYOFFS


SCENE
Neighborhood bar in the valley


Shadow and me met a couple of our friends, one from Superbowl.  We ordered drinks and caught up among the screams and hollers for Kobe and his teammates, Shadow stepped out with Ray to have a cigarette.  When she returned she had that look on her face and I needed to know what that was about, she whispers, "Mac's on his way here, for you."  I didn't believe any of that, nor should I, until I turned to see him there.  She claims he was coming for me...he later told me it was for Ray.  Who to believe?  Anyway, I wave and smile hello and Shadow walks over to say hello and demand he come over to say hi to me directly.  And he does.  I extend my hand and he pulls me in for a kiss on the cheek.  Hmm.  As an angry lesbian is cursing behind us, he says, "Please move over, I need to stand out of the way of that woman."  Sandwiched between another girl and he, we joked about how we couldn't care less about the Lakers.  I was sitting eating my taco minding my business, and suddenly felt Mac's hand on my back.  Then playing with hair.  And even menioned cutting out before the game was over and the rest of the party would join us.

WE waited for the game to end and me, Shadow, Ray and a friend made our way up to Bradshaw's dream house.  A familiar scene just on a very different night....or was it?  A hot day was met by a very chilly night.  We talked as we waited for the tub to heat up.  Mac gave me looks while I played with the dogs.  And wouldn't it be ironic as Mac provided T-shirts to wear that we, well white.  I mean, come on.  We sat in that hot tub for 2-3 hours, till my toes were pruning.  As Shadow and Mac talked "dating", I served as impartial "moderator" which from my POV peaked Mac's interest more.  I was attracted to him the first time 5 MONTHS AGO and I was finding him more appealing now, in sheer seclusion.  He and I both seemed to be on the same page dating wise, intellect wise, and all the rest.  Among the seriousness of conversation, I had quite a time laughing. I love to laugh.  Every time he wanted to make a point to Shadow, he used me as an example, which I knew full well was an excuse to touch or be near me.  Still I was asked to be impartial and neutral and perhaps Mac didn't like how impartial or neutral I was being.

This man would pick me up to pull me closer to hin, graze hair, or stroke my neck, all signs would tell most "Hey! Hello! This guy is into you" but the main reason I was being this way was to be respectful of my homegirl who was pouring out her heart for advice and I didn't want her to feel 'third wheel'.  Long story longer, all the flirting and flirting and flirting, he asks, "So can I get your number," and we walked to the kitchen as I wrote on a yellow, small legal pad.  He walked me to the door and we parted with a simple kiss on the lips.

THAT was Thursday/Friday 2am...it's now Sunday/Monday 12am.  I haven't heard from him and I had hoped I would.  I've dated older men before and they don't wait, they act.  However, as I write this off as a stereotypcial 2-day man rule, and should he call,  I didn't think he'd act like that.  I was confident I'd hear from him and I'm relatively confident that I still will.  There's energy there with Mac and I want to see if it continues and hope that I don't have to wait another 5 months to test that theory.  You miss out Mac, opportunity passes you by.

"Women go from zero to church over a drink. We can't help that, that's how we're wired," CREDIT, that's my new saying. 

Remember the Miles...

Okay, so I was up real late the other night 'cause I was working on my drawings and couldn't sleep.  I started reviewing my blog and such and came across the story of Miles, the plane guy with an e not an i (from late last year). And it was a really cool story that kind of fell flat somewhere.  Being that I'm trying to purge the bad and appreciate the good, I decided to email him to tell him that.


"I'm glad you were seated next to me on the American flight to LA. I'm glad I got the opportunity to get to know you a little better and spend time with you, even though we lived in different states... just know that it was nice to talk to someone who made me laugh, made me think, and made me smile. You did that.... Perhaps there will come a time when we'll run into one another or be on the same plane at the same time, just know that, again, I believe everything happens for a reason and you don't forget the people you meet along the way."



I wrote that a little before 2am. When I woke this morning I saw that he had written back. He had responded about 2 hours after I sent it (he is 2 hours ahead of me).


"What a great note -thanks! Now in a complete believe-it-or-not twist, I was thinking about you about 10 hours ago. Here's why...(the following takes place in my brain while golfing yesterday afternoon, around the 10th hole)  Man, my shoulder is killing me - what the F? gotta get it checked out - mental note, call dr. Remember to check if the xray person is Bradshaw's sister! I hate x-rays. Why did Bradshaw and I ever stop talking? I don't know, that was dumb. Funny, cute, good kisser. Check in with her, see how she is. You'll be in LA soon, I'm sure. And put this shot on the green. Where's the beer cart? 
Funny how the brain works....talk soon. Back to bed for a little bit. Come get a real glimpse of the skyline view soon!"


Isn't that like a surreal kind of thing? I mean that's not coincidence. That's like the 3rd time this week that someone has told me they were thinking of me at the same moment I was thinking of them. Maybe it's just my dreamy, Pisces state but I thought it was pretty cool.