Maybe He IS Just That Into You

Miss J sent me this article from Glamour's blogger Single-ish, which is a go-to of what is really going on with women, and some men too.  Allow me to share:


“I just don’t understand what happened,” cried my friend after meeting the guy of her dreams. “...now he's just…vanished.” I told her to just forget it and move on, but what she did instead might surprise you…(Friend met the guy while visiting family in Phoenix, and despite the distance, she felt sure that they’d keep in touch. But after a few sporadic phone calls, he stopped reaching out, and she was heartbroken.)
“I hate to say it,” I said, “but maybe he’s just not that into—” “No no!” she protested. “I know where you’re going with this and, HONESTLY, he was. He really was! I think I’m going to email him.”
Normally, I don’t think it’s a great idea to pour your guts out to a guy who isn’t calling. Boys know how phones work. If they want to reach you, they will. But she needed closure, so I gave her the green light. He already wasn’t talking to her, how much worse could it get? She sent him a simple, straight-forward email about how she was bummed... because she thought he was really interesting and special.

And you know what? He wrote back gushing about how much he agreed and hadn’t called because he worried she viewed him as just a vacation fling. He also said that he didn’t want to embarrass himself by putting his feelings out there, and was so happy that she had taken the first step.

Her theory is that the whole He’s Just Not That Into You movement prompted women to throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble, when, really, guys get nervous too and it’s OK to give them some encouragement.


And after I read this entry that Miss J had sent me and we discussed over cocktails, I realized it sounded a lot like me and Miles.

Mancation Status:  Stepping into the sunshine. Hopeful and optimistic.  

Up in the Air

September 2009, I was anxious to get to back to LA after an emotionally draining weekend home to attend my grandfather's funeral.  Having had booked my last minute flight with my miles, I was stoked when I discovered I had "priority access" which meant I could board the plane before most which eased my loathing of air travel!!


Barreling down the aisle with my suitcase banging into every other seats' edge, I eyeball my seat/row to see a gentleman already seated in my row - on the aisle no less, which is my seat of choice.  I throw my bag and purse past him into the middle seat and say, "Hi, I'm here."  Then I whip around to score an overhead space.  He stands and asks, "Can I help you with you bag?"  Too stubborn for my own good, I say nicely, "No, thank you, I got it."  And with all my super human woman strength, I pick up my leopard luggage and throw it above my head laterally; however not being an inconsiderate person, I flipped it long so it could fit more suitcases.  I then sat down in my seat and set up my station for the next 3 1/2 hours - iPod, laptop, bottle of water.


Once airborn, I took out my laptop to write this blog - ironically it was still very new in its phases and I was still working out the "kinks".  The gentleman next to me kept quiet but I could sense he was watching me.  Finally he asked, "What are you writing?" "A blog," I said kindly. "Really? What's it about?" he quickly said.  Nervous about anyone knowing about my new blog, let alone admitting what it was about, I said coyly, "Uh, it's about dating actually."  He asked a whole bunch of questions before I revealed the name of it: Mancation.  That peaked his interest moreso and even matter-of-factly said, "I ask a lot of questions because I'm nosey like that because I just want to know."


Plane Guy with an E not an I - also known on my blog as Miles - broke this crabby traveler of solitude and silence by keeping my attention and the conversation flowing for the FULL flight.  And even at the exchange of our dating horror stories, and some of my funny tales, this guy (knowing I wasn't dating) asked me to dinner in hopes he could learn more.  I couldn't say no to an offer like that, even if it was against my 'mancation rules'.  And if you have read or followed my blog from the beginnig, then you already know of the tale of Miles.   Two dates - one in September (2 days after we met on our outbound flight) and one in October.  Both were great dates.  A lot of promise.  A lot of great conversation, laughs, and kisses.  But the reality of the situation always was that we live in two different cities, in two different states.  There was a falling off point somewhere that was never and may never really be defined - and that's okay.  But as a reader/follower, you then know that I hadn't forgotten about my travel companion and reached out to him back in June of this year in an email.


I quickly and carefully composed this email and then shut down my computer and went to bed.  Upon waking I asked myself, "Was that a dream or did I send that?"  Booting up my computer I saw that Miles had responded.  I gasped without opening it.  I went through every rational and irrational thought.  "He's going to tell me to F off!"  "He's going to not get why I emailed him at all." "Maybe he'll write a sentence as simple as thanks."  "I can't read it!  Go make some coffee."  Came back to my computer with a cup of Joe in my hand and still stare at my inbox.  Instead decide to jump in the shower.  Hop out, again with my coffee and decide to rip it off like a band aid.  "This is the only way you can know, Bradshaw, open it."  If you've read "Remember the Miles..." post, then you know what he said.


What's the moral of the tale here?  In life and dating you have to be brave.  Brave to tell him what you want.  Brave to put yourself out there.  Brave to fall on your face.  Brave to know what you want and aren't afraid to go after it.  And if something feels or felt right that you feel wasn't resolved, be brave to put it into the universe that you want to see where the cards fall.  Worse case scenario?  Silence.  Best case scenario?  Well, the possibilities are endless...

3-Date Fall Challenge

Oh, you're intrigued already?  There's more to this "idea" or "theory".

If you've never read Cindy Chupack's "The Between Boyfriends Book" (she was also a writer on Sex and the City) then you need to read up on "Halloweenies" before I post.

The 3-Date Fall Challenge is on!

Here's how we break it down, us single girls that is.  Los Angeles is full of singles, however not all of them are "available" in that we all are looking to be with someone we have a great time with, laugh with, have good chemistry with, but what gives? Why aren't we coupled up if we have so many options?  I refuse to admit that LA has it the worse when it comes to dating.  Now that me and my girlfriends are in our thirties, do we suddenly have to appoach dating different in hopes for different results?  The Trifecta discussed and we need to come up with a new objective: The 3-Date Challenge.

Here's the deal, three dates before Halloween.  Why? Because if you don't lock it in before Halloween, then Thanksgiving is apporaching and that's when you face the fall-off (guys decide not to commit because they can't commit to the holiday round up - meals with family or friends for Thanksgiving, Xmas with family or friends and then it's New Years.  Oh the pressure!  All the family and quality time with loved ones, apparently is too much for most guys - not all let me add.   Oh you think 3 dates before Halloween is a breeze???????  Well my friend, fellow reader, let me add to the pot, must be 3 dates with the SAME guy before Halloween.  Do you fold?  Or do you throw in another chip??

Ah, so you up for the challenge?  Awesome.  So far Miss J was the only one with the luck.  KGB went out once with Hottie Bartender, and even after our Trifecta affect, well she never heard from him again.  And me, well Mac already had shown me his cards -but talked like he was ready to enter back into the dating world - but alas, just a middle-aged man who is content with where life has led him.  Good for him and all, I mean when I ran into him a couple of weeks ago, all I could do was hug him hello, tell him that it was nice to see him (though it wasn't cause at that moment it had been 10 days without a call back, let alone a first date).  I am happy I stood my ground to not go there cause I am looking for a guy who can give me what I am looking for.  So back to Miss J - and Lumberjack.  First date went well that it lasted about 12 hours!  Second date, when that finaly happened was anotehr extend-a-date and seemed like she was going to lock in date #3 until she was left wondering when the hell that would happen.  Still waiting...

And here's what we (us women) know about date #3 - it's the gateway of what's to come so why do guys fear it?  Again, let me add not all guys are afraid, just most.  But you do know us women sit around and dicuss this kind of stuff when it comes to dating and can't help but wonder what's all the drama?  If you like us, just land the 3rd date.  We can figure out the rest as it comes!!