Just a funny note! Remember a long time ago when I first started writing this piece? I told you about The Bloke, he who disappeared without a trace. Well, I knew full and well that our paths would cross again.
I was at my local watering hole with Miss J, Cedes and Shadow and we all observed a hefty blonde seated beside us on the couch. I didn't think anything off it (besides my catty thought of 'you're kidding yourself wearing that dress') until I watched The Bloke cross from the bar carrying two beers to sit beside Hefty. As my present company couldn't stop staring, I carried on like I always do.
I know he saw me. He must know I saw him. What would we possibly have to say to one another? Nothing. As Cedes was slapping my leg to point out that they were deep in a make out, I thought "good for him!" Then when she led him out of the bar like a baby bird just out of the nest, I thought "Good for him!" I could have felt badly that this guy had moved on with a new hussie, I mean lassie but they seemed like they had better chemistry based on body language than me thinking date 3 would tell me if I was into him. It made for a story nonetheless - in either case - at the beginning of the blog and now. Cheerio!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Coming Soon!
More potential stories on their way...
Also, know this, I am taking this Mancation in stride. They happened before and during Mancation status. I am making this up as I go and figuring things out along the way. Join me, won't you?
Also, know this, I am taking this Mancation in stride. They happened before and during Mancation status. I am making this up as I go and figuring things out along the way. Join me, won't you?
Why He Doesn’t Call Back: Because It’s Easy
Are we doing one another favors by just not calling back or ignoring the call? Women get frustrated by the fact men disappear and pull this kind of maneuver. However, I can’t help but believe guys go through their version of this. I, myself, am guilty of seeing the phone ring and turning a blind eye. I’m woman enough to admit that. I've also run into certain people calling to show they're interested, don’t eave a voicemail. Just because you called numerous times doesn't mean the tally of missed calls equals a callback. Now I'm just thinking WTF?! And if she doesn't call you back - ever- then she's doing what most of us do (or have done) to have that easy out - not that it makes it right, but somehow we're sparing people's feelings one missed call at a time.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Viewer Mail
So I’m reading your blog, which I check occasionally as a nice break, and, based on your stories, I have to wonder, are you a bad kisser and I didn’t catch it?!?
NO I THINK I’M A GREAT KISSER BUT "THEY" DON’T KNOW HOW TO FOLLOW THROUGH. YOU TOLD ME YORUSELF I WAS A GOOD KISSER UNLESS THAT WASN’T TRUE?
Every time you kiss a guy it’s like the kiss of death! (seriously, you do realize guys want to break your Mancation, just like they want to deflower a virgin lass...that’s mean of me to say, is it?)
NOT TAKEN AS MEAN, STUNG A LITTLE BIT. HAVE I SCARED YOU OFF??
I was a big fan – that’s why I followed up! That and the fact that I find you really funny –almost as funny as me!
YAY. I HAVE A FAN! AND I DO REALIZE MANCATION POSES A CHALLENGE TO SOME. IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THE ‘MANUP’ PART OF IT. WAY TO FOLLOW THROUGH.
It’s nice to be acknowledged for my efforts – my first pat on the butt from couple thousand miles.
** That being questioned, it was also a precursor to see me when he came to town the next week.
NO I THINK I’M A GREAT KISSER BUT "THEY" DON’T KNOW HOW TO FOLLOW THROUGH. YOU TOLD ME YORUSELF I WAS A GOOD KISSER UNLESS THAT WASN’T TRUE?
Every time you kiss a guy it’s like the kiss of death! (seriously, you do realize guys want to break your Mancation, just like they want to deflower a virgin lass...that’s mean of me to say, is it?)
NOT TAKEN AS MEAN, STUNG A LITTLE BIT. HAVE I SCARED YOU OFF??
I was a big fan – that’s why I followed up! That and the fact that I find you really funny –almost as funny as me!
YAY. I HAVE A FAN! AND I DO REALIZE MANCATION POSES A CHALLENGE TO SOME. IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THE ‘MANUP’ PART OF IT. WAY TO FOLLOW THROUGH.
It’s nice to be acknowledged for my efforts – my first pat on the butt from couple thousand miles.
** That being questioned, it was also a precursor to see me when he came to town the next week.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Misconception of Mancation
There seems to be confusion on what ‘Mancation’ means. I already defined it as a break in clear terms: A time to reflect and/or frankly hold out for someone who is worthy.
In talking with a gf of mine since 7th grade today, I said to her in some mentioning of my blog, that I have to give co-credit to my partner in crime Miss J. Both of us, who have been SEVERELY duped by the male species, while once upon a time we were one another’s confidents to make sure we never “got too girly,” suddenly were those who didn’t know anything at all. Mancation can also be defined as a time when guys go AWOL, perhaps on their own Mancation with their ‘bros without hoes,’ never knowing that it’s bizarre to us women that you never call, never live up to the man you state you are, or that you call or text or email after like months of nada. No explanation. No word. Nothing. And suddenly you think its okay to just pick up the phone (text/email) or in person act like nothing happened (or that it is wrong to act any other way than that)?
Most women reading this know what the F I’m talking about. Any man reading this who thinks he is not guilty, scratches his head and says, “What’s the big deal?” or “I was working that weekend?” or any variation or such. The other woman you were seeing, the ditch you fell in, the fact that you phone battery died and you couldn’t dial me is irrelevant in comparison to the lengths and measures you went through not to call, and/or come up with that dumbass story. I could cry “He’s Just Not That into You” here but I refuse to. (While I admire Greg Behrendt, and he’s a super nice, good guy upon meeting, he wrote a book about not making excuses any more for men when in my opinion, it was just another excuse for women -in book form). Just another excuse for them to read another self-help book, or as of late, run to the theatres to see the dreamy cast (and Greg himself as the priest) in the movie version.
Sidebar: Me and Miss J saw it together opening night just cause and elbowed each other whole time –between huffs and grunts of the annoying women and gays around us pointing fingers as to which friend was which in the movie version. Thank god we had cocktails before hand, seeing that movie sober would have made me madder.
In the beginning of my Mancation launch, guys thought it was a niche or didn’t understand why a woman in her early 30’s would do such a thing to herself. There’s a purpose. I’ve been in great relationships and I’ve wasted a lot of time of guys who aren’t/weren't worth a damn. I finally snapped out of it upon learning a guy who I thought was the bee’s knees, wasn’t. He was like the rest. Mancation! And though that was now about 3-4 months since the downfall or rise of Mancation, it’s opened my blue eyes bigger. What’s looming in my heart is ready to implode and I want to unleash (sounds vampire-esque) that on someone who is worthy. However, creating Mancation, again, came from a man disappearing or becoming someone we no longer know - or see.
Guys see it as a challenge, sure. I had a man ask me just the other night. Yes, I know it’s a challenge and if he’s right, I hope he’s ready to take it. I didn’t set out to know what the outcome or rules would be but they become all the more clear as the days progress. It’s been 3 months since my declaration. I’ve never been happier and prepare to continue...
When explained to the logical man about what this "is"…and/or sets out to accomplish, I’ve discovered men become frustrated by heir own species and why they behave or say the things they do. They finally get why, perhaps, someone like me would want to take a break. It becomes a joke after a while and I don’t always want the funny, I want the kind too.
In talking with a gf of mine since 7th grade today, I said to her in some mentioning of my blog, that I have to give co-credit to my partner in crime Miss J. Both of us, who have been SEVERELY duped by the male species, while once upon a time we were one another’s confidents to make sure we never “got too girly,” suddenly were those who didn’t know anything at all. Mancation can also be defined as a time when guys go AWOL, perhaps on their own Mancation with their ‘bros without hoes,’ never knowing that it’s bizarre to us women that you never call, never live up to the man you state you are, or that you call or text or email after like months of nada. No explanation. No word. Nothing. And suddenly you think its okay to just pick up the phone (text/email) or in person act like nothing happened (or that it is wrong to act any other way than that)?
Most women reading this know what the F I’m talking about. Any man reading this who thinks he is not guilty, scratches his head and says, “What’s the big deal?” or “I was working that weekend?” or any variation or such. The other woman you were seeing, the ditch you fell in, the fact that you phone battery died and you couldn’t dial me is irrelevant in comparison to the lengths and measures you went through not to call, and/or come up with that dumbass story. I could cry “He’s Just Not That into You” here but I refuse to. (While I admire Greg Behrendt, and he’s a super nice, good guy upon meeting, he wrote a book about not making excuses any more for men when in my opinion, it was just another excuse for women -in book form). Just another excuse for them to read another self-help book, or as of late, run to the theatres to see the dreamy cast (and Greg himself as the priest) in the movie version.
Sidebar: Me and Miss J saw it together opening night just cause and elbowed each other whole time –between huffs and grunts of the annoying women and gays around us pointing fingers as to which friend was which in the movie version. Thank god we had cocktails before hand, seeing that movie sober would have made me madder.
In the beginning of my Mancation launch, guys thought it was a niche or didn’t understand why a woman in her early 30’s would do such a thing to herself. There’s a purpose. I’ve been in great relationships and I’ve wasted a lot of time of guys who aren’t/weren't worth a damn. I finally snapped out of it upon learning a guy who I thought was the bee’s knees, wasn’t. He was like the rest. Mancation! And though that was now about 3-4 months since the downfall or rise of Mancation, it’s opened my blue eyes bigger. What’s looming in my heart is ready to implode and I want to unleash (sounds vampire-esque) that on someone who is worthy. However, creating Mancation, again, came from a man disappearing or becoming someone we no longer know - or see.
Guys see it as a challenge, sure. I had a man ask me just the other night. Yes, I know it’s a challenge and if he’s right, I hope he’s ready to take it. I didn’t set out to know what the outcome or rules would be but they become all the more clear as the days progress. It’s been 3 months since my declaration. I’ve never been happier and prepare to continue...
When explained to the logical man about what this "is"…and/or sets out to accomplish, I’ve discovered men become frustrated by heir own species and why they behave or say the things they do. They finally get why, perhaps, someone like me would want to take a break. It becomes a joke after a while and I don’t always want the funny, I want the kind too.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Not a Bad Idea to Google Your Date?
I went to an engagement party a few weeks ago and was sitting around chatting with Miss J's co-workers. She was explaining the idea behind Mancation and you know girls react with their horror stories of dating...in whichever state you may live.
This woman was telling me a story about a doctor she met. They went out a couple of times but she became suspicious of stories he told and what exactly was going on at work. She regularly checks out a gossip website and much to her surprise on this given day, she was found herself reading a story about...the doctor!
To protect Dr. Guilty, and those involved, I have done some creative editing of the story for your own shock and awe!
This woman was telling me a story about a doctor she met. They went out a couple of times but she became suspicious of stories he told and what exactly was going on at work. She regularly checks out a gossip website and much to her surprise on this given day, she was found herself reading a story about...the doctor!
To protect Dr. Guilty, and those involved, I have done some creative editing of the story for your own shock and awe!
A man was rushed to the hospital for heart problems. An ER doc, Dr. Guilty, allegedly allowed the man to die from a heart attack after he noticed his pretty Rolex on his wrist. Two nurses reportedly noticed the watch was missing from the body, and that a bulge appeared in the doctor’s pocket, and reported the missing watch to security. The lawsuit claims Dr. Guilty somehow slipped outside the hospital and was caught on the hospital’s security cameras. A nurse allegedly witnessed him throw something from his pocket into a grassy area of the parking lot. Dr. Guilty was apparently confronted with the hospital’s security footage and was fired on the spot.
The civil lawsuit charges Dr. Guilty for wrongful death, conspiracy...to name a couple, and also claims the hospital tried to cover up the ER doc’s crime after he was fired. Dr. Guilty was also reportedly indicted by a grand jury...
The civil lawsuit charges Dr. Guilty for wrongful death, conspiracy...to name a couple, and also claims the hospital tried to cover up the ER doc’s crime after he was fired. Dr. Guilty was also reportedly indicted by a grand jury...
The craziest thing I remember from her re-telling me this that Friday evening, was that Dr. Guilty even called her the day of his court hearing! It goes to show you never know what a guy is capable of or what they are hiding. A woman's intuition perhaps is never wrong...
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Unagi...in Person
Thursday I was heading into the valley for a friend's birthday drinks. Ex Factor texts me “At Peal Jam”. I say, "Cool, have fun, safe travels back." I wrap up my drinks w/ my friends and head home. I start working and my phone beeps. It's him, "Firefly..." Now the weekend before he had texted me that and I didn't know that he was inviting me there." I say, "Is that an invitation this time?" He says, "We're heading there now, let's go!" I decide to change back into my going out clothes and drive back to the valley. Keep in mind the whole time I’m driving there I’m repeating to myself “Why am I going?” Upon exiting my car and knowing I look as good as I can and will stick to my boundaries, I walk in the door and he's the first person you see. He flips around and leaps up to practically tackle me. Then says that's not the entrance he wanted and could I re-enter. As an actor, I obliged. I agreed to only have 1 drink and get the F out of there. He's hugging on me and telling me how great I look. Loves my dark hair but he's "always been partial to brunettes." Really? I was blonde when he met me and his current GF that he's moving in with is blonde. He's still the jolly man I knew. But he was the same guy in that he doesn't really take care of himself. He had a full beard, shaggy long hair, wearing some trucker hat and a flannel. Hasn't evolved much. His friends leave and then he looks at me. I say, "I'll drop you off, it's on my way home." We get in my car and he's like "Am I really here with you? In your car? This is great!" We stop by 7-11 to pick up some water for him while he packs cause he hasn’t' packed everything...again leaving things until the 11th hour (like in meeting me the night before he leaves). He asks me to come take a look to assess the situation and see if need anything.
Parking the car and walking up to his apartment was like not one day had passed. He opened the gate and walked the path of the pool like we had 4 years prior without a flinch, without a thought. Sense memory or repetition had taken over. Just walking the path to his apartment was tripping me out. It smelled the same from what I remember. He had the curtains and shower curtain I hung with him still up. I agree to help him for an hour, but all I did was pull out his posters from their frames and roll them up into canisters. I did them all in an hour and he was like 'Why does time fly with you and with everyone else it just ticks by?" I was very strong and kept my boundaries despite him making comments here and there and when I'd ask him about his GF, he would clam up. At one point he tackles me to the ground, and spooned up on me says, "I love you. It's been great seeing you." He kicks into high gear of packing mode, and I just want to get out. He walks me to my car like he used to and we kiss each other on the cheeks. He says, "Please keep me posted on everything going on with you." Then comes face to face with me without touching and air kisses me - technically that is not a kiss and you won't get in trouble with your GF.
I can't help but feel sorry for her, you know her. I don’t know what kind of number this guy is going to do on her or if it was just his last ditch effort to say good bye to his life here while he goes to settle down with her. She had the life I thought I wanted but he hasn't changed, which is good and bad. I didn't get hurt by it cause I was in a good (and a little bad) place but it did show me how far I've come. I had to say good bye despite whatever reason. Even the drive there to meet him I was saying out loud "Why am I going? … Because I have to."
Man Date: BEACH
Glad I went. I knew I was over him but it made me anxious to meet the better next option. I’m never cynical, always the optimist.
Parking the car and walking up to his apartment was like not one day had passed. He opened the gate and walked the path of the pool like we had 4 years prior without a flinch, without a thought. Sense memory or repetition had taken over. Just walking the path to his apartment was tripping me out. It smelled the same from what I remember. He had the curtains and shower curtain I hung with him still up. I agree to help him for an hour, but all I did was pull out his posters from their frames and roll them up into canisters. I did them all in an hour and he was like 'Why does time fly with you and with everyone else it just ticks by?" I was very strong and kept my boundaries despite him making comments here and there and when I'd ask him about his GF, he would clam up. At one point he tackles me to the ground, and spooned up on me says, "I love you. It's been great seeing you." He kicks into high gear of packing mode, and I just want to get out. He walks me to my car like he used to and we kiss each other on the cheeks. He says, "Please keep me posted on everything going on with you." Then comes face to face with me without touching and air kisses me - technically that is not a kiss and you won't get in trouble with your GF.
I can't help but feel sorry for her, you know her. I don’t know what kind of number this guy is going to do on her or if it was just his last ditch effort to say good bye to his life here while he goes to settle down with her. She had the life I thought I wanted but he hasn't changed, which is good and bad. I didn't get hurt by it cause I was in a good (and a little bad) place but it did show me how far I've come. I had to say good bye despite whatever reason. Even the drive there to meet him I was saying out loud "Why am I going? … Because I have to."
Man Date: BEACH
Glad I went. I knew I was over him but it made me anxious to meet the better next option. I’m never cynical, always the optimist.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Unagi
Ex Factor = Unagi!
When my ex of more than 4 years ago phoned me out of the clear blue sky, I thought it was odd. When I told my girlfriends, well you saw judging by my earlier post – danger! That was a Tuesday and no word from him since that phone call. I had texted him earlier in the day to ask how long he was in LA for, which I knew was asking for trouble – presumably. He texted back around midnight “At Firefly.” I say, “Cool, have a great night.”
I talked to him tonight. He says, “Sounded like you were in for the night last night.” I said, “Yeah I was, why that text was an invitation?” He says, “Well, I had a couple of drinks so I guess it was.” Hmm. Thank god I didn’t go cause it would have been DANGER judging on the phone call.
We catch up about how fabulous my life is and how happy I am. He’s laughing cause he’s packing up his life here to ‘move forward’ with his lady is SC. Great. Awesome. I mention that I need to move and he says “you could move into my place.” “Oh yeah, what’s the rent.” He tells me and I say, “Not bad but weird.” He laughs. He’s lying on the floor after having sold or given away most of his furniture and I joke, “So you don’t have a bed, what are you sleep bagging it?” He laughs and says, “more or less unless you’re offering up your bed.” I clear my throat and say, “No.” He says, “Ha, you cleared your throat, I guess it’s that weird think you mentioned before.” I said sternly, “Yes, I don’t think your GF would like that.” He mumbles and giggles and I ask what that’s about. He says, “Just daydreaming a bit. I remember your apartment” then goes into this tale from many moons ago about my crazy neighbor who used to have LOUD-ass sex against my head alluding that we used to try to compete (which wasn’t factual). Another clearing of the throat and he says, “I’m ready to take a cab over to Hollywood
So first the alleged invite to meet him out to a bar and now inviting himself to my bed with us both knowing the real situation – you have a GF with whom you’re moving forward with but yet your fantasizing about me, the ghost from your past. I always believed this sort of thing happened before men take the plunge but never experienced it first hand if that is, in fact, what is going on in his man-child mind. After the 30 minute check-up, I hung up the phone and couldn’t believe it. Like out of a movie or TV show (like Sex and the City), I am fortunate that my city gals have my back and shake me to reality. If he were single would the situation be any different or would I still be in danger?
Wacky Weekend ...
Freaky Friday
If it wasn’t enough to see an ex during the day, I had a work event later that evening, which was great fun! After the event, I had told my friend, Ms. M that I would go to Santa Monica with her to hear her man’s band play. She assured me that it’s a fun crowd “with lots of cute boys.” (She’s against my Mancation). While the band was good, the crowd was not, at least not to me (which may bear my freak flag).
I asked Ms. M not to leave me alone but the social butterfly she is deserves to fly around the room saying hi to the whole crowd there. Not that I can’t handle myself solo, I suddenly found myself in the middle (literally and metaphorically). Though I saw some familiar faces among the crowd, it was a sea of couples talking about the boat they just bought, a newly engaged woman, the front man kissing on his lady, a hyperactive chick thinking she’s new wave screaming and pretending she can dance, and some guy’s ass on my arm (apparently he couldn’t feel it). I excused myself from this hodgepodge to use the Ladies Room only to come to a fork in the back of the bar- of what apparently is standing-room-only- of 20-something guys and looking. It was like a lamb going to slaughter so I quickly shimmied my way through unharmed. Whew.
From the powder room, I tried to get a drink, which I might as well have been invisible ‘cause this part of the bar was equally packed to the gills! 20 minutes later I found my way back to Ms. M and the crowd. The couples grew tired for a Friday night and retreated back to their respective habitats. Now I was faced with the drunk, Asian chick who couldn’t stand straight but bumped off every bar patron like a pinball wizard, and her friend who wants to flirt up with the guy who’s been macking on her all night, throws her friend under the bus calling her “crazy” vs. giving the girl some water, making her sit for a while to sober up, or I don’t know, perhaps you should have made her call it night rather than being a selfish bitch cause the guy’s cute. Now my acquaintance is apologizing about his garlic breath from dinner, and I’m fanning it back towards him every time he thinks he’s not burping in my direction. His cousin is hanging on the new-wavy girl I mentioned previously, and despite my feelings of her, she compliments me on my dress (whether it was genuine or not). Cousin quizzes me as to why I’m single. He just moved here and was “almost engaged” once, which sounds like a more interesting story than why am I single, yes? He was going to propose and “knows everything about diamonds that he should sell them.” His cousin, my acquaintance, starts asking me “when we’re going to have babies?”
At some point, one more person bumped into me or drunk, Asian girl bounced off me, and I looked at my friend and said, “I gotta get out of here.” She walks me to my car and I apologize for being a buzz kill but all night was a version of my “hell” and I couldn’t take the anxiety I was feeling. I tucked myself into bed by 2:30am relieved I had made it out alive.
Saturday Night not-Live
I worked all day and got in a zone that I had lost track of all time. My girls were going to an alcohol-sponsored event but I said I wouldn’t be ready in time but that if it were lame, to call me and I’d meet up with them somewhere. Well, the line was ridiculous and they soon left so we all met up at our local hang. I walked into a usually dark bar to a sea of men. I found my lady friends in the back of the bar that clearly had no A/C. I grab a drink and we move towards the front of the bar where there’s a little more room. Seriously I think there was a bachelor party going on, or an after-work function, perhaps a “mancation” – as dudes were high-fiving and yelping the whole night. In Swingers fashion, we proclaimed the “place was dead” and decided to leave quickly. It was midnight and we called it a night so we could at least catch a bit of SNL, f-bomb and all.
Sports Sunday
I awoke anxious to start my ball-watching but my home team wasn’t airing on normal network television so the girls quickly made plans to go watch it somewhere in our hood. Now most of my girls don’t quite care to watch the game – they accompany me for the drinks and food and perhaps the men watching. Stop #1 - $10 pizzas and half off all beer. Sold! As we finished watching the Minnesota game, I requested my team on the TV closest to us. Waitress says, “Oh, we don’t have the NFL package.” Um, seriously? So you advertise to come watch NFL Sundays with these perks yet you don’t have the NFL package? As they start the Miami-SD game, I ask if they could at least turn my TV to a different game. The three broads working couldn’t figure out how to work the remote and my friend and I thought, “Could you please call a man to ask?” which the waitress did. I hear her say, “The girls behind me want to watch a different game, is there a way to do that?” Then turns around to me and says, “Like I said, we don’t have the NFL package and this is the only game being broadcast right now.” The sucky waitress had the balls to say, ”You could go across or down the street, they have the NFL package and you could catch the rest of your game.” WTF? Despite the fact that you’ve managed to piss me off twice, you’re turning my business to your competition. Bright!
I can’t bear missing my boys playing so I run down the street to see the score only to come face to face with a dude already talking trash to me upon seeing my shirt. “Cool,” I chime as I run back to the restaurant to finish our eats and drinks and get the F out of there (vowing never to return) and catch “the rest of my game.” Spot #2 - We were joined by another friend. I had front row to slightly off plasma bearing my game. I was ready to throw beer at this broad for saying “I can’t believe (my team) is winning, they never win.” I heard this and turn, “We won last weekend, thanks.” My friends make sure I don’t start it with the girl who’s wearing a shirt that she thinks cinching with a belt makes it a dress; it doesn’t. After catching up in between my cheers and screams, we moved to the patio for happy hour by the 2 minute warning. Victory! Wooooooooooo! So the stupid broads I encountered all day weren’t able to ruin my entire Football Sunday. Our friend knew of another happy hour (yep that makes that’s #3 for the day) up the street so we decide to keep the momentum going. Upon arriving at this tiny little bar tucked away on the Sunset Strip (just opened a couple of weeks ago), drinks and eats were half off from 3-7. It was only like 4! My partner in crime and I soon discovered that we were on the patio with nothing but lesbians, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it was interesting to say the least being among these beautiful woman playing flippy cup.
Our waitress ignored me and my friend most of the time, but after F’ing up the bill, we just wanted to pay and get out of there. Upon settling, we go to exit when this guy screams out, “Are you guys leaving?” – wait, are there heterosexual males in this place? - “Yes we are this has been our third stop for the day, its time to call it.” The Outspoken One bragged how his friend was a soap star on Days of Our Lives but the friend was mute…or modest. Maybe Outspoken wants to ride his coattails to get some attention? Soap Stud claimed he was ‘drunk’ and his friend calls him a ‘lightweight’ then says we should meet up with them later at another bar. Hmm? After about 5 minutes of witty banter, cause that’s all I could offer up, Outspoken asks if we’re going to meet up with them at the bar he suggested, I say, “Maybe?” Outspoken’s eyes light up like he’s used to be rejected “Really?!” but he doesn’t know that was my polite way of saying ‘highly unlikely.’ I say how nice it was to meet them and Outspoken says, “That’s it?” “Yes, that’s it,” I say. He quickly tries to recover the ball, “Let me give you my card, oh it’s my last one.” I said, “Then it’s extra special.” “Call me if you want to meet up, or come to my pool party next weekend.” I catch up with my girlfriends who are waiting outside and laugh, “Somehow I got digits out of that.”
I couldn’t wait to be home after a dissatisfying and yet adventurous day with my girls. In the lapse of 3 days, I realized a couple of things, thank god for having a sense of humor, and that I have great friends with whome I adore. Even the most off-night, bad service or lack of anything substantial, they make it worthwhile.
Then the night took a weird turn when Ex Factor and I spoke…
If it wasn’t enough to see an ex during the day, I had a work event later that evening, which was great fun! After the event, I had told my friend, Ms. M that I would go to Santa Monica with her to hear her man’s band play. She assured me that it’s a fun crowd “with lots of cute boys.” (She’s against my Mancation). While the band was good, the crowd was not, at least not to me (which may bear my freak flag).
I asked Ms. M not to leave me alone but the social butterfly she is deserves to fly around the room saying hi to the whole crowd there. Not that I can’t handle myself solo, I suddenly found myself in the middle (literally and metaphorically). Though I saw some familiar faces among the crowd, it was a sea of couples talking about the boat they just bought, a newly engaged woman, the front man kissing on his lady, a hyperactive chick thinking she’s new wave screaming and pretending she can dance, and some guy’s ass on my arm (apparently he couldn’t feel it). I excused myself from this hodgepodge to use the Ladies Room only to come to a fork in the back of the bar- of what apparently is standing-room-only- of 20-something guys and looking. It was like a lamb going to slaughter so I quickly shimmied my way through unharmed. Whew.
From the powder room, I tried to get a drink, which I might as well have been invisible ‘cause this part of the bar was equally packed to the gills! 20 minutes later I found my way back to Ms. M and the crowd. The couples grew tired for a Friday night and retreated back to their respective habitats. Now I was faced with the drunk, Asian chick who couldn’t stand straight but bumped off every bar patron like a pinball wizard, and her friend who wants to flirt up with the guy who’s been macking on her all night, throws her friend under the bus calling her “crazy” vs. giving the girl some water, making her sit for a while to sober up, or I don’t know, perhaps you should have made her call it night rather than being a selfish bitch cause the guy’s cute. Now my acquaintance is apologizing about his garlic breath from dinner, and I’m fanning it back towards him every time he thinks he’s not burping in my direction. His cousin is hanging on the new-wavy girl I mentioned previously, and despite my feelings of her, she compliments me on my dress (whether it was genuine or not). Cousin quizzes me as to why I’m single. He just moved here and was “almost engaged” once, which sounds like a more interesting story than why am I single, yes? He was going to propose and “knows everything about diamonds that he should sell them.” His cousin, my acquaintance, starts asking me “when we’re going to have babies?”
At some point, one more person bumped into me or drunk, Asian girl bounced off me, and I looked at my friend and said, “I gotta get out of here.” She walks me to my car and I apologize for being a buzz kill but all night was a version of my “hell” and I couldn’t take the anxiety I was feeling. I tucked myself into bed by 2:30am relieved I had made it out alive.
Saturday Night not-Live
I worked all day and got in a zone that I had lost track of all time. My girls were going to an alcohol-sponsored event but I said I wouldn’t be ready in time but that if it were lame, to call me and I’d meet up with them somewhere. Well, the line was ridiculous and they soon left so we all met up at our local hang. I walked into a usually dark bar to a sea of men. I found my lady friends in the back of the bar that clearly had no A/C. I grab a drink and we move towards the front of the bar where there’s a little more room. Seriously I think there was a bachelor party going on, or an after-work function, perhaps a “mancation” – as dudes were high-fiving and yelping the whole night. In Swingers fashion, we proclaimed the “place was dead” and decided to leave quickly. It was midnight and we called it a night so we could at least catch a bit of SNL, f-bomb and all.
Sports Sunday
I awoke anxious to start my ball-watching but my home team wasn’t airing on normal network television so the girls quickly made plans to go watch it somewhere in our hood. Now most of my girls don’t quite care to watch the game – they accompany me for the drinks and food and perhaps the men watching. Stop #1 - $10 pizzas and half off all beer. Sold! As we finished watching the Minnesota game, I requested my team on the TV closest to us. Waitress says, “Oh, we don’t have the NFL package.” Um, seriously? So you advertise to come watch NFL Sundays with these perks yet you don’t have the NFL package? As they start the Miami-SD game, I ask if they could at least turn my TV to a different game. The three broads working couldn’t figure out how to work the remote and my friend and I thought, “Could you please call a man to ask?” which the waitress did. I hear her say, “The girls behind me want to watch a different game, is there a way to do that?” Then turns around to me and says, “Like I said, we don’t have the NFL package and this is the only game being broadcast right now.” The sucky waitress had the balls to say, ”You could go across or down the street, they have the NFL package and you could catch the rest of your game.” WTF? Despite the fact that you’ve managed to piss me off twice, you’re turning my business to your competition. Bright!
I can’t bear missing my boys playing so I run down the street to see the score only to come face to face with a dude already talking trash to me upon seeing my shirt. “Cool,” I chime as I run back to the restaurant to finish our eats and drinks and get the F out of there (vowing never to return) and catch “the rest of my game.” Spot #2 - We were joined by another friend. I had front row to slightly off plasma bearing my game. I was ready to throw beer at this broad for saying “I can’t believe (my team) is winning, they never win.” I heard this and turn, “We won last weekend, thanks.” My friends make sure I don’t start it with the girl who’s wearing a shirt that she thinks cinching with a belt makes it a dress; it doesn’t. After catching up in between my cheers and screams, we moved to the patio for happy hour by the 2 minute warning. Victory! Wooooooooooo! So the stupid broads I encountered all day weren’t able to ruin my entire Football Sunday. Our friend knew of another happy hour (yep that makes that’s #3 for the day) up the street so we decide to keep the momentum going. Upon arriving at this tiny little bar tucked away on the Sunset Strip (just opened a couple of weeks ago), drinks and eats were half off from 3-7. It was only like 4! My partner in crime and I soon discovered that we were on the patio with nothing but lesbians, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it was interesting to say the least being among these beautiful woman playing flippy cup.
Our waitress ignored me and my friend most of the time, but after F’ing up the bill, we just wanted to pay and get out of there. Upon settling, we go to exit when this guy screams out, “Are you guys leaving?” – wait, are there heterosexual males in this place? - “Yes we are this has been our third stop for the day, its time to call it.” The Outspoken One bragged how his friend was a soap star on Days of Our Lives but the friend was mute…or modest. Maybe Outspoken wants to ride his coattails to get some attention? Soap Stud claimed he was ‘drunk’ and his friend calls him a ‘lightweight’ then says we should meet up with them later at another bar. Hmm? After about 5 minutes of witty banter, cause that’s all I could offer up, Outspoken asks if we’re going to meet up with them at the bar he suggested, I say, “Maybe?” Outspoken’s eyes light up like he’s used to be rejected “Really?!” but he doesn’t know that was my polite way of saying ‘highly unlikely.’ I say how nice it was to meet them and Outspoken says, “That’s it?” “Yes, that’s it,” I say. He quickly tries to recover the ball, “Let me give you my card, oh it’s my last one.” I said, “Then it’s extra special.” “Call me if you want to meet up, or come to my pool party next weekend.” I catch up with my girlfriends who are waiting outside and laugh, “Somehow I got digits out of that.”
I couldn’t wait to be home after a dissatisfying and yet adventurous day with my girls. In the lapse of 3 days, I realized a couple of things, thank god for having a sense of humor, and that I have great friends with whome I adore. Even the most off-night, bad service or lack of anything substantial, they make it worthwhile.
Then the night took a weird turn when Ex Factor and I spoke…
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