One year ago, this Memorial Day weekend, I spent it with Orson, the guy who I thought had it all only to disappear and hence the MAIN reason I started this blog. I declared Mancation after this alleged nice guy pull the wool over my eyes. It still hurts a year later. We touch base seldomly via email or text but it will never be the same. Should the opportunity come that we are face to face, I can't say I would or wouldn't say anything to the man who hurt me.
This Memorial Day weekend is spent busy with school stuff and projects but doesn't always keep the mind off what is deep inside. I put "he who doesn't have a name yet" on probation of my friendship as he has delusions of what it is 'we' are, or what I want from him. I want nothing remember, asshole, I told you to your face a month ago. Oh, and about 8 months before that. I stand by it. I especially question even wanting your "friendship" as you are a crap friend. You go keep on saying whatever it is you need to say to make yourself feel important or desired. I don't want you. I may have once thought I did but finally woke the fuck up to know that I didn't. Don't. Ever. I also think you're a hypocrite. You tell others these tales when if I really called you out, I would notify them of everything you ever said to me especially - in the last month. So if it's awkward for you, it's only due to your on projection on the situation. You want things to work with your girflriend. I want someone who isn't you. I want a man who isn't going to play games in his late 30's. You're on probation, and frankly sweetheart, I'm not sure there's a 'get out of jail' card.
Secondly, Guy I Used To Date called me today. Didn't leave a message. Since my last (mistaken) phone call with him, I regretted letting that energy back into my life. He has shown his true colors time and time again so I don't know why I would think I'm looking at different rainbow. I ran into him the other day and went about my business but he made a point to come up and wish me "a great weekend." Is that why you're calling?
Biggie = I'm bored.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Ah, more power of the information superhighway ....it strikes again!
This seems to be a topic that boggles my mind a lot lately. Again, I have to credit Miss J as we (often) discuss similar topics, and observe goings ons at the same time. My previous post was asking where all the good dates are, in that we don't want to have to rewind because we already know each other or revert to a less than better option.
This post is directed toward the subject of social networking sites, i.e. FB.
UPDATE: I wrote this and hadn't posted it yet, so here's what's going on.
The friend I mentioned who's new gal didn't like pictures of the ex (my friend) on his fb, well he proposed marriage!! Yes, after 3 short months of dating, they will be getting married this August. Guess more pictures and friends will be deleted from his account real soon as he currently listed as "engaged."
Shadow, after a short lapse away from the Dude Who Replied All, is back hanging with him. Yes, you didn't misread. I may not necessarily agree, but I have to support my friend no matter what. That's what friends do. I told her to "have fun, just don't have amnesia," which is the advice Samantha gave Carrie regarding reuniting with Big.
Speaking of...Biggie turned 4-4! Even after being a bit curious about where or why or when the pictures on his page were all about, I tell myself, it's not my business; not my problem. If I don't want to see, then I shouldn't look. That's the tricky slope of these sites. Also, in seeing recent pictures he posted from said birthday, and having talked to him earlier that day, he didn't (origonally) know what his plan for the day was. I couldn't help but be a bit confused (or even a bit hurt) as to why I didn't get an invite if I'm "such an important person in his life"? Rolling off my back.
Social sites can make even the sanest person sneak a peek as it's all just IN YOUR FACE, well unless you're blocked. ha ha That hasn't happened to me, but I know others it has happened to.
This post is directed toward the subject of social networking sites, i.e. FB.
Lady M told me a tale of a buddy of hers (and mine) currently dating a new gal after ending a relationship with another one of our friends. They're still on good terms, however the new gal is suddenly jealous. The new budding relationship vowed to not be friends on FB because of the dangers is provokes. She asked to see his page after 3 months of dating without a 'friend request'. However, she questioned why he still had pictures of my friend (his ex) and he up. Now I can't say if I were new gal if I wouldn't ask the same thing except I'm not crazy to ask it to him, I'd just ask my girlfriends what they thought. When we're so accessible to each other's "status," why does it suddenly make us a bit bananas?
Dude I used to date called me Friday night to urk me every which way he could (amnesia is what I'm claiming) and commented on things on my FB. Yes, yes, I could block him (I'd rather see me living fabulously) but he had the nerve to call a former date a 'douche' after reading something he wrote on my page. Then he told me I love the attention from every guy who will give it to me. Really? Oh, and that "he knows me." Hmm?
And then just tonight, I click to see "recent updates," and Biggie has posted pictures. As I am clicking through I think to myself (not knowing when these pictures are from but can only assume their recent), "Why hasn't he posted the trillion pictures he took of us when we hung out?" Ashamed? Hiding? Then I remind myself not to get caught up in the idea for reunion of something that didn't have longevity the first go. Or I'm just being a giant girl about it all because the momentum has subsided?
But there's more! Can you handle more?? This is the doosie! Shadow had sent pics from her birthday to everyone who attended via a message and said BOY replied all to a response to her (after their falling out) in what would presume was an accident. So easy to do but this is quite mortifying especially when Shadow's friends respond to the "thread." See below:
Re Birthday Bash!
Hey, sorry i havent got back to you! Been real busy, no excuse. Im not mad or anything, i just felt like u grilled me a little to much... Yeah, I shoulda said goodbye, but i just needed to get home because I was pretty fucked up. I didnt feel like I was hiding from u or anything else or I wouldnt have told u where I was and i felt like u were accusing me of something. Sometimes I dont communcate that well and I should have said something the next day. I didnt get any of your text messages until the following wednesday because my phone service sux! No excuses, just clarifying and im sure u have beef with me. I hope ur doing well! kNow, I beg you pardon, but is this how we treat one another? No matter how much time was shared together? Despite who's right or wrong, don't we all deserve someone who doesn't take a bloody fucking week to write up a poorly executed, grammar lacking, mis-spelled hot mess of a weak-ass apology that you just so happen to 'reply all' instead of picking up the GD phone and maning up about it all?!?! I will speak on behalf of my friend Shadow here and say(or what she should have said), "Thank you for being the D you are in that you spared her months or years of heartache and headaches. She allegedly 'grilled you' but apparently guys tend to give girls impressions that there's something happening and you're into her only to fuck off and leave a girl (on her birthday!) often times without explanation."
(You'll see my post later about that)
UPDATE: I wrote this and hadn't posted it yet, so here's what's going on.
The friend I mentioned who's new gal didn't like pictures of the ex (my friend) on his fb, well he proposed marriage!! Yes, after 3 short months of dating, they will be getting married this August. Guess more pictures and friends will be deleted from his account real soon as he currently listed as "engaged."
Shadow, after a short lapse away from the Dude Who Replied All, is back hanging with him. Yes, you didn't misread. I may not necessarily agree, but I have to support my friend no matter what. That's what friends do. I told her to "have fun, just don't have amnesia," which is the advice Samantha gave Carrie regarding reuniting with Big.
Speaking of...Biggie turned 4-4! Even after being a bit curious about where or why or when the pictures on his page were all about, I tell myself, it's not my business; not my problem. If I don't want to see, then I shouldn't look. That's the tricky slope of these sites. Also, in seeing recent pictures he posted from said birthday, and having talked to him earlier that day, he didn't (origonally) know what his plan for the day was. I couldn't help but be a bit confused (or even a bit hurt) as to why I didn't get an invite if I'm "such an important person in his life"? Rolling off my back.
Social sites can make even the sanest person sneak a peek as it's all just IN YOUR FACE, well unless you're blocked. ha ha That hasn't happened to me, but I know others it has happened to.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Make Dating Fun ...Again
Me and Miss J have been talking about this a lot lately. Where are all the good men? Spare us the lame boys. And should you consider a repeat because there are no other options? I ask myself these questions often.
I went to my trust dating blogger "Single-ish" and funny enough so wrote an article on "8 Ways to Make Dating Fun Again." While you read it, sounds similar to what my goal has been writing my blog - 1) take a Mancation; 2) read my blog; 3) do something; 4) Look Good; 5) the rest will work itself out. Here's what she suggests:
1. Take a Break
Take a designated breather and clear your head. It’s like taking your house off the market. If the house isn’t selling, it starts to look bad, so you take the “For Sale” sign down. Then you give it a paint job, write a better ad, and suddenly everyone wants it! (In her book, the Millionaire Matchmaker calls this break “Dating Detox” and recommends 30-90 days off.) I call it a dating sabbatical. Whatever you call it, take it!
Take a designated breather and clear your head. It’s like taking your house off the market. If the house isn’t selling, it starts to look bad, so you take the “For Sale” sign down. Then you give it a paint job, write a better ad, and suddenly everyone wants it! (In her book, the Millionaire Matchmaker calls this break “Dating Detox” and recommends 30-90 days off.) I call it a dating sabbatical. Whatever you call it, take it!
2. Read Funny Dating Stories
If you need a fresh, positive perspective, check out Samantha Daniels’sMatchbook: The Diary of a Modern-Day Matchmaker. She really makes dating look fun, funny, and like a hopeful endeavor. My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands by Chelsea Handler also cracks me up. If you hate reading, tap into your friends. My girls Kelly, Beth, and Betsy can all come up with some doozies at the drop of a hat.
If you need a fresh, positive perspective, check out Samantha Daniels’sMatchbook: The Diary of a Modern-Day Matchmaker. She really makes dating look fun, funny, and like a hopeful endeavor. My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands by Chelsea Handler also cracks me up. If you hate reading, tap into your friends. My girls Kelly, Beth, and Betsy can all come up with some doozies at the drop of a hat.
3. Date Older
Dating is frustrating when you barely know someone and you have to play games or participate in annoying text conversations. But if you go out with someone in his 30s or older, quite often you’ll have a more pleasant experience overall. The odds are better that he’ll make reservations ahead of time and not flake, and that he’ll call you the next day. And if you don’t like him, at least you’ll appreciate his efforts, and you won’t feel like chopped liver.
Dating is frustrating when you barely know someone and you have to play games or participate in annoying text conversations. But if you go out with someone in his 30s or older, quite often you’ll have a more pleasant experience overall. The odds are better that he’ll make reservations ahead of time and not flake, and that he’ll call you the next day. And if you don’t like him, at least you’ll appreciate his efforts, and you won’t feel like chopped liver.
4. Plan Something Yourself
If you’ve always wanted to go rock climbing, surfing, or wine tasting, why not use the time you’rewasting spending on dates and check something off your bucket list? Especially if it’s something you are hesitant to do alone.
If you’ve always wanted to go rock climbing, surfing, or wine tasting, why not use the time you’re
5. Dress Up
It’s amazing what a new outfit can do for your mood. And to have someone to dress up for—even if it’s a long-shot blind date—well, you may have forgotten how good that feels. Trust me! Get dressed! You’re pretty! (If he won’t say it, I will!)
It’s amazing what a new outfit can do for your mood. And to have someone to dress up for—even if it’s a long-shot blind date—well, you may have forgotten how good that feels. Trust me! Get dressed! You’re pretty! (If he won’t say it, I will!)
6. Date Outside Your Type
If the jerk-off bankers never call you back, or the artsy-fartsies constantly flake, try your luck with a computer nerd (I know, three stereotypes in one sentence). Also consider the local lifeguard, your cooking teacher or (gulp) the ambulance-chaser your mom wants to set you up with.
If the jerk-off bankers never call you back, or the artsy-fartsies constantly flake, try your luck with a computer nerd (I know, three stereotypes in one sentence). Also consider the local lifeguard, your cooking teacher or (gulp) the ambulance-chaser your mom wants to set you up with.
7. Stop Blaming Everyone Else
Have you ever come home from a set-up feeling disappointed and uttering the words, “Don’t people know my type?!” You feel baffled and misunderstood, don’t you? How about, “Are people stupid??” Or, “NO one is good-looking!” You can ask my roommate Erica, but I’m pretty sure I have said all of these things in the past. However! Once I stopped blaming everyone else for not being awesome upon initial meeting, I started getting to know good guys that I could really care about. I opened my mind! It took some pressure off of me—and definitely off of them! Dating became fun again.
Have you ever come home from a set-up feeling disappointed and uttering the words, “Don’t people know my type?!” You feel baffled and misunderstood, don’t you? How about, “Are people stupid??” Or, “NO one is good-looking!” You can ask my roommate Erica, but I’m pretty sure I have said all of these things in the past. However! Once I stopped blaming everyone else for not being awesome upon initial meeting, I started getting to know good guys that I could really care about. I opened my mind! It took some pressure off of me—and definitely off of them! Dating became fun again.
8. Drink Less
This tip is hypocritical coming from me, but still, I’ve definitely dreaded dates when I thought I would just resent the guy for the extra calories and the hangover. Drink less, begrudge less (no matter how unfun he is).
This tip is hypocritical coming from me, but still, I’ve definitely dreaded dates when I thought I would just resent the guy for the extra calories and the hangover. Drink less, begrudge less (no matter how unfun he is).
Thursday, May 6, 2010
A Beautiful Mess
A GREAT Jason Mraz song. I decided to post it.
You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is
And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are
Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging
And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
Cause here we are, Here we are
Here we are...
We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes
Through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds, out of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is
And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are
Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging
And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
Cause here we are, Here we are
Here we are...
We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes
Through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds, out of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.
Cinco Madness
Cinco de Mayo (Spanish for "fifth of May") is a holiday held on May 5 that commemorates the Mexican army's unlikely victory over Frenchforces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. The date is observed nationwide in the United States and other locations around the world as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride.
Being a white girl from Chicago now living in Los Angeles, I almost always celebrate this "holiday." Being out with Miss J, we caught up after a trip to the Chi for her and a busy schedule for me. Cedes joined us too. And I couldn't help but laugh with the server. After a night spent falling asleep on the couch on to wake the very next morning like I was unconscious, I was bearing my glasses on this evening. Our server, who's name escapes me as I type, well he was very attentive to any female patron in the bar, but I couldn't help but enjoy the little bit of extra attention. I mean, should I be going out on every hoilday and not holiday because I'm sure to get the server's attention? even if it is just for the time we're there and not a minute longer...
And next time you want me there, YOU need to tell me.
Being a white girl from Chicago now living in Los Angeles, I almost always celebrate this "holiday." Being out with Miss J, we caught up after a trip to the Chi for her and a busy schedule for me. Cedes joined us too. And I couldn't help but laugh with the server. After a night spent falling asleep on the couch on to wake the very next morning like I was unconscious, I was bearing my glasses on this evening. Our server, who's name escapes me as I type, well he was very attentive to any female patron in the bar, but I couldn't help but enjoy the little bit of extra attention. I mean, should I be going out on every hoilday and not holiday because I'm sure to get the server's attention? even if it is just for the time we're there and not a minute longer...
And next time you want me there, YOU need to tell me.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person
Miss J had turned me to this blog featured on Glamour Magazines website. I wanted to post this because it's funny in a sense that I have to agree with Erin, I don't like the "cliches" of dating and hope I haven't used any of these. Otherwise, I'm going back in my previous posts and severly editing! -LA Bradshaw
SINGLE-ish (daily dating blog)
by Erin Meanley
As a writer, I avoid cliches like the plague...HAHA! But seriously, cliches are old, tired, and they show absolutely no thought. I mean, do I make you read that some guy’s skin was as white as snow? No. It’s a major insult to your intellect. So when I have to hear a cliche or overused saying in the real world, as a response to my newly single status or some other dating dilemma, it’s offensive and frustrating.
Why do we have so many sayings and maxims for dating?
Since we could all use a good laugh, I asked some friend, but I just couldn’t believe how many there were! Here’s a tiny compilation. Enjoy—today, they’re not directed at you!
SINGLE-ish (daily dating blog)
by Erin Meanley
As a writer, I avoid cliches like the plague...HAHA! But seriously, cliches are old, tired, and they show absolutely no thought. I mean, do I make you read that some guy’s skin was as white as snow? No. It’s a major insult to your intellect. So when I have to hear a cliche or overused saying in the real world, as a response to my newly single status or some other dating dilemma, it’s offensive and frustrating.
Why do we have so many sayings and maxims for dating?
Since we could all use a good laugh, I asked some friend, but I just couldn’t believe how many there were! Here’s a tiny compilation. Enjoy—today, they’re not directed at you!
- It happens when you’re not looking.There are plenty of fish in the sea.
- So, why are you single?
- You’re too picky.
- You'll find the right person for you.He's out there.
- It was just bad timing.
- Just have fun with it!
- Have you tried online dating?
- He just wasn’t the right guy for you.
- Well, when Steve and I first got together...
- When the time is right, you will meet someone.
- Wow, I wish I were single and in your shoes!
- Your turn next [at weddings].
- It will happen when you least expect it.
- Some guy is going to come along and ruin your career/life plans.
- But you're so pretty! Why don't you have a boyfriend?
- It just wasn't meant to be.
Also of note: not one person I polled mentioned they were tired of hearing, "He's just not that into you." I think that's because it's not condescending. And apparently, it's not overused. So that one is still okay to say. Thanks for listening!
What saying do you hate to hear and why?
12 Things That Men Want in a Woman
From SINGLE-ish by John Ortved
I want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals, but knows to just shut his mouth when I’m watching “Lost.” And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame, and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks as needed - like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms, like a damned Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me. Even when I’m old. And that’s what I want. - Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
I probably quote 30 Rock too much. The above was Liz Lemon’s impromptu speech to her “Singles Dodgeball” competitor on last week’s episode (his response: “You make much English. This is fun alcoholics meeting.”) It’s stuck in my head, not just because it was the best moment in prime time, because it was a real-ish list, full of flaws, fantasies and freshness. It caused me to poll some of my guy friends, and come up with a list of our own:
We want someone who will be monogamous and nice to our mother.
And we want someone will not make us go with them to musicals, or shopping, or the grocery store. Though the zoo is fine. We kind of like the zoo.
We want someone who thinks it’s hot that we go to boxing class, but who will think it’s “mature” when we don’t fight people who start sh*t when we’re out.
We want someone who will tell us that size doesn’t matter, but will tell us how big we are when we’re doing it.
We want someone who will buy both Sea Salt and Vinegar and Mesquite BBQ Miss Vickies chips when we stop for gas, because she knows we can never decide between them.
We want someone who can make fun of us, and others, and get a real laugh.
We want someone who pays for things occasionally, things like trips, and beers, and candy.
We want someone with no expectations, who doesn’t cling to us like a burr and has her own life and likes it that we do too.
We want someone. Not just anyone. For a while. And then longer.
Does this sound like any guys you know? What is it your guy wants?
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