Rules...

Even if you’re taking a break from men (for however long you, or me, see fit), you’re not dead!

My mother instilled this in me since before I was really dating. Never leave the house without earrings and lipstick. Secondly, she says, after a break up, you dust off the outfit you look best in and work it.

#1 Fashion is Passion

You may not be in the mindset, heart-set, or headset to wrangle a new man, but it doesn’t mean you need to look like a hobo or that you’ve “given up” (i.e. sweatpants or your version of such).

I don’t disagree with my mom on this. A little mascara can go a long way even if you’re running to pump some gas or head to the grocery store. I also have personally taken this on as a way to make myself feel and look better, even if I don’t. I have worn a hot outfit to work and turned the corner only to come face-to-face with blast from the past. Fellow dude says, “Hey, looking good today.” Dude I used to date says sarcastically, “Yeah, work attire” alluding that you never pulled out the stops when you were dating them.

Just take a moment in your morning between coffee breaks and brushing you teeth to think about what you wear…you never know who you’re going to run into, let alone who you could meet. My mother always told me that.

#2 Pump the break - Don’t go blind yourself!

While I’ve said it before, just ‘cause I’m breakin’ doesn’t mean I’m not socializing. So while I don’t feel overly anxious to get to know that tall, brunette brute across the bar, doesn’t mean mama can’t window shop before her next paycheck.

Sure public declaration led me to the prior post Senor Said but it was fun to say the least. He was cute. He was sweet. He was charming…even if I were filler while he gets over his ex and moves onto what the dating scene really is like in Los Angeles.

It doesn’t hurt to look at the guy waiting in line at the post office, or smile at the guy sitting next to you at a light on Sunset. The more we become aware of our surroundings, the more likely we are to enjoy life and those who are in it. I find myself saying hello to those unexpectedly because despite any hurt I feel, or what I have been through, we’ve all been through it and someone on the receiving end can’t wait to meet someone like you! Well, me and you, but you know what I mean. We all have horror stories to share. We all have layers to shed and wounds to lick clean. We all want in the end of the day someone to ask how you are and that person is glad it’s you walking through that door.

CoCo

We’ve always just worked well together. Never gave it much thought beyond worker-to-worker relationship. One night I had packed up my desk and was heading out. He comes down the hallway and says, “I know you’re leaving but can I ask you a quick question?” I say, “Sure.” He says, “Do you want to go out Friday night?” I say, “Like in what context?” He says, “Like dinner…and maybe a movie?” (Lightbulb, 'that sounds like a date?') I say, “Thank you but I actually already have plans and heading out of town for the weekend.” He says, “Well, maybe when you get back?” to which I reply with, “Yeah maybe.”

On my drive home I kept recalling every encounter in like the 2 years I have known him. Have I put out miss signals? Did I miss the signals? Was he really into me like that or am I tripping?

Viewer Poll

Is it true that there are no options out there that you suddenly begin to think inside the box, the work box that is?

I have in the past dated a co-worker. It worked in the sense that we explored dating once we were on hiatus from the show we were working on. And it fizzled just as quickly as it started to go somewhere. Once I did come back to the show, it wasn’t awkward, but it was different. Well, that and he had already found a new girlfriend, in a fellow co-worker. I was professional and nice to him but couldn’t help but ask myself, “What was I thinking?”

I have also dated people who were somehow connected to my work which is a way of meeting people even if it doesn’t produce good results. Is dating a co-worker a good idea or bad idea???

Location Location Location

Tuesday - So...I see a notice that my apartment building will be used to film a "short film" this week, even a breakdown of the set up and breakdown of interior/exterior shots. Then upon my arrival that night I see there's a business card attached that says "I'd like to speak to you about the filming. Call me." It was late and figured I'd speak to ‘them’ when they were in the next morning.

Wednesday - I'm going about my morning having coffee, getting ready for my day. Just so happens that I was up at 7am (so I got an earlier start to my day even though I wasn't due into work until 11am). There's a friendly knock on my door and it's ‘Scout,’ the location manager. I peak my head out cause I'm in a towel. He says he'd like to take a look at my apartment for a possible shot and if I was familiar with fill-in-famous-director-here. Uh, yes. "Well he's directing this film about robots...can we come back?" I said sure and promised to be in clothes. He says, "Well you can stay in the towel, that's okay." ‘They’ come back a couple of hours later, the two location scouts. They're nodding yes and see if the others can come by and peak. Within 2 minutes, there's Director in my doorway and we shake hands hello. He loves MY GREEN SOFA and says that he definitely wants to use my apartment tomorrow. They promise to put everything back to where it was "’cause I'm so tidy" and it's a paying gig.  Crazy surreal morning. Go about my work day and tell Scout that I won’t be back until after my dance class at 9ish. There he is waiting for me when I arrive home in the neighboring unit. I catch the fact that signing simple contracts winds up with us talking for about a half hour…if memory serves me, dancing…Scout is kinda cute…am I liking or hating Mancation?

Thursday - Scout was at my door at 5am as the production day started. I wasn’t in a towel this day, much to his dismiss perhaps. I tell him I was going to take my coffee and close myself off in my bathroom so I could prepare for my day (which I wasn’t due into work until 11:30). Once I emerged, Scout told me that I should grab breakfast with the crew, he insists. I never refuse food. I sat alone and thought how funny it was to have this Hollywood moment between Hollywood Blvd and Sunset Blvd, and even as I had experienced it before, my neighbors seemed a bit freaked out. Then I thought why am I sitting around doing nothing? I can’t control what they’re doing in my apartment; I need to just start my day. Standing around is bring me.” So I walk back into the exterior of my pad and Scout makes small talk with me. Sensing my energy, I tell him I will let them do their magic as I need to just start my day. I leave it in his hands and for him to oversee it. He calls me later in the day to tell me they wrapped and to touch base when I get off work.

Upon coming home I notice that NOTHING is back where they say it would be and there are holes in my walls. Lawyer’s daughter says, ‘this wasn’t in the contract.’ He comes into my place and I express my concern and our agreement. He says, “I can get someone in here right now if you want, you’ve been so great about all this. We can move everything back.” Assuring him that I’d prefer to put my pad back together again, I told him I was most upset about the holes. ‘It’s not a big deal; I can get the guys in here. They have no problem coming to help a beautiful woman.’ Hmm... flirting or just doing your job. We decided to have them return the next day.

Friday - ...After a long day of work, I came home to find Scout at my door before they shot another interior shot. Why was it we talked in my door way for 15 minutes, asking about ME which is nice for a change, when they were about to shoot. I saw crew members watching us. I got ready for my evening out but couldn’t help but wonder, was Scout been flirting with me or is it just in his charming nature? I exited where I wouldn’t disturb production and Scout “wished me a good night”…and as I stumbled in around midnight up the back stairs thinking I was quiet, (which was around the time they were scheduled to wrap)...I was like a girl caught by her dad sneaking in...I walk up the stairs and he's standing in the stairwell. Busted. I smile and say hi then retreat to my pad.

Monday - Scout caught me again just out of the shower. We made small talk and said that it was "really, really great to meet me" but he was in a hurry to get to the next location. My guess, he has a girlfriend. You can flirt on set but once it's a wrap, its back to life.  They painted my wall and wrap things up. I'm usually dense about this stuff but my gut said he may be interested. However, when he sealed our meeting with a handshake, I was met with a limp, half-assed hand. Deal breaker. Scout and I may never cross paths again however; LA is a small town so we could. Here was a guy who told me his life story within first meeting however, Miss J told me to tread caution cause he could have no friends or be straight up crazy. One may never know…

Man Date: Beach with potential for Raft.
Fun for a few days like the guy teaching you how to surf or renting the jet skiis from, but alas, it wears off knowing you'll never see him again and nothing can come of it but harmless flirting.  Flirting can be good though, reminds you that you're desirable and guys dig you. Remember that, fellow readers. 

Senor Said

Having had decided to go on my Mancation, doesn’t mean I turn down having a social life. I agreed to go to drinks with one of my girlfriends in the valley on a Saturday night. No pressure to be anything but me. Just have a great time and enjoying the company that I keep. Two brothers walked in. Cute but didn’t seem very friendly at first until they were filled in on the Mancation status, well the younger brother more so when I mentioned how much I loved football. He pulled out his phone and looked at the schedule of my home team and requested a time to watch a game together. I looked and said, “That’s in November?” He says, “You’re right, I don’t think I can wait that long to see you again.” I had given him an old business card and said “I usually look like this” or something (bearing my original hair color); Senor then texts me from across the bar.

SS: “If you usually look like that picture, then we must hang out. Otherwise, I’ll still hang out I suppose.”
Me: “Then we’ll wait until football season, yes?”
SS: “I highly disapprove. It should be sooner than then, yes?”

The night got a little foggy at this point in the night (because the bar tuned into happy hour from 11pm until close). We went outside to get some “air” which led him to lean in for a kiss. We were making out in the corner of the bar. If this is what Mancation does for someone? Maybe it’s working in the opposite effect?

When I got home, I texted him to make sure he got home safely (He couldn’t find his car when we left). He says, “Just walked in, had fun tonight. Hope you break your mancation for me.” I had invited him to meet up with all of us the following day and he said he was definitely going to make it. Never. Heard. From. Him. Again!

When I shared this story with one my best friends on the planet, I thought it’d be all very amusing to a married mommy, she had the opposite affect. I guess in re-telling for the blog I forgot all the details of the Senior Said.

I tell her the story:
I have to tell you since I declared I'm on a "Mancation,” Saturday night J invited me out for a drink with her co-workers in the valley which ended up with us closing down the place after we learned they have happy hr from 11pm until close. Her co-workers were great fun. Two brothers from Boston showed up, younger one took a liking to me. Fun, super smart guy who is a writer. I told him I'm on a “Mancation” and he won't let up and asks, "How can I get you off your Mancation so I can take you to dinner Tuesday night" (which I love to hear by the way). I had given him my number so he's texting me from across the table. Flirty fun. We go to the patio and he kisses me and to make out. He says, "I've never felt this way kissing someone. I feel like I could kiss you forever, or for like 10 hours straight. You're an amazing kisser." Blush. We flirty texted a little when I got home because I invited him out to J's birthday yesterday. He was looking for a new apartment but said "that he hoped to come my way after that" and hopes I "break my mancation for him." Never showed up. Never heard from him. I guess we'll see if he calls but otherwise…

I think that if a guy asks you to break your mancation the first day you meet him, that it's a clear sign not to break it for him....How annoying. I don't know how you deal with it all & how you're not completely jaded.

Really you think that's annoying that he wanted me to break my mancation? I thought it was kinda funny.

No, I think it's annoying that he hasn't called you & didn't show for the party after being all cute & wanting you to break your Mancation.

Yeah, well that part is annoying.


Mancation Status: Beach
Fun for a night like making out with the bus boy only happy to wake up in your own bed, alone.

The Bloke

Even though I was texting my long-distance “friend,” I caught the eye of a Brit at our local hang. He chatted up with me and my girlfriends but I was more concerned with my phone and who was on the other end (which isn’t normally like me). At the end of the evening, The Bloke asked for my number. I gave him my card. He waited the standard 2 days to call and I let him leave a message. Then we played phone tag for a couple of days before we finally spoke to which he blurted out, “I’m not going to beat around the bush, would you like to get together on Sunday”

We agreed to meet for coffee at 9pm around the corner from my house (which I thought it was weird to have coffee that late but that’s just me). I had a nice time. We had a lot in common. He was a nervous guy but it was sweet. At the end of our meeting, he said he’d love to get together again and I told him to call me.

About a week or so later, at 9pm on a Sunday night, we met at the place we originally met. I already think there’s a conspiracy that we only meet at 9pm on Sunday nights but tried to keep an open mind since I’d been on hiatus (prior to the Mancation). It’s happy hour until 10 or 11pm and we’re laughing and having a great time. He’s being more affection even if he’s still nervous (Hint; hand on knee, more than once). Then his friend shows up with his date and we all hang in one booth like we’re on a double date. It was in the wake of Michael’s death, the DJ is spinning his records, the other “couple” is dancing and I’m thinking “where did this date turn?” but was convinced I will know where we really stand by date 3 - A test to see if he can take me out of walking distance from my house, beyond 9pm, or a Sunday evening. When I decide I should go since its 12:30 on a school night for me, he walks me out. We hug and he says, “ I had a great time, I’d love to see you again.” And leans in and kisses me on the lips. Sweet. Simple. Perfect. I tell him to call me, then he heads back in to ‘say good bye to his friend’ (even though I know he’ll probably go get piss drunk and stumble home).

I text him when I arrive at my apartment (no, he didn’t offer to walk me home) and hear back nothing. I hear back nothing ever…again. WTF? You initiate body and lip contact and then never follow through. Man up. ManCation…not to give him too much credit, he wasn’t the one to convince me to take a break, just encouraged me to stay on it.


Man Date: Stay on the Beach
If you initiate contact and don't want another date, than don't say "I'd love to see you again." It's like Chandler when he couldn't break up with Rachel's boss because it was less awkward to say, "This was fun, we must do it again."

Mancation – not hatin’, just not datin’.

I put myself on ‘mancation’ for a reason. My definition:

Man-ca-tion [man- kay-shuh n]

Noun
A period of suspension of dating, or other activity, usually used for rest or time away.
Freedom or release from an adult male person, as distinguished from a boy, male lover or sweetheart.
An act or instance of vacating.
Verb
To take or have a mancation: I’m taking a mancation.

This term is not a new one, but usually only applied to men. As once defined by urbandictionary.com:

--A combo of Man and Vacation. It's when you plan a vacation with all your bro's and leave the nagging wives, girlfriends, late night bootie calls all back at home and get piss drunk, hook up with some stranger, bust ass and hot box the hotel room.
--When a guy goes on a vacation sometimes with his guy friends, but without the bi'atch along
--The time at which a man in a relationship becomes a bachelor and takes a break from women.


I decided to expand upon this “concept” and take a mancation from the man himself. (Not “the man” we work for but the every day man.) Taking a break every now and again can be very healthy and necessary. Even on a “break” or “hiatus,” one isn’t blind to options to what is out there but must maintain mancation status - Not hatin’, just not datin’. A break can help you evaluate where you are in life and where you need to be, and of course, re-introduce you to the amazing person you know you are that is able to attract the real deal verses the cheap Lifetime-movie immitation of it.

Not to say I haven’t had some nice guys come along in the years since I’ve lived in LA, but there’s no longevity. In a town where everything is disposable, I refuse to believe that it lasts forever. The cycle ends somewhere. Also with that being said, what is up with nice guys ending up to be jerks like the bad boys? I am a firm believer that dating doesn’t have to (nor should it) be this hard if you’re with the right person. Sure bumps in the road happen but something’s gotta give. And so a break…

I let the problems go early in the year and man, why do we fret? It’s so hard to finally let go but yet so easy to move on. I was feeling great, working out, focusing on me, happy spending time with my friends. I tasted the fruit from the tree I was always tempted. I stopped looking once I realized I thought I found what I wanted. When I started getting girly, I sensed it was going sour; it had.

And so a mancation was about to ensue…maybe the sub-definition should be “those who think they can break the patterns set forth whether deliberately or not, but in the end they don’t man-up to walk the walk of the talk they talked.” I’m not being bitter at all. I feel like I’m heartbroken and trying to mend my head and heart cause as a Pisces I’m ever the romantic.

At the end of my entries there will be a Man - Date, which serves as an update on my mancation status.

Official first day of Mancation - July 25, 2009... Yep, I'm clearly defining the start date. That sounds about right... The end date?? Welll, now that's a whole other situation.