Mario, the Rerun

Remember Mario? He's the cutie I had met out on Halloween, only to date for about a month, and he fell off the planet right around Thanksgiving (standard Halloweenie, more on that later). I liked Mario and always had a great time with him, I remembered, until that time I ran into about a month after his disappearance the night of the "incident" at my local watering hole (if you need a refresher, check out Blog Worthy from December).


A substantial amount of time has passed, and Mario and I have kept in touch base throughout via FB mainly, occasionally text. Our initial re-contact went a little something like this: he asked if I had any good adventures lately?  I quipped, "Since running into you last, not quite as adventurous."  "agghh. i'm really really sorry," he types. I told him that it was interesting to say the least but that I liked him and all but circumstances were as they fell - out - quickly.  He tells me that he's been meaning to write to me about the whole 'incident' but that he guesses he avoided me because he didn't want anything serious but really liked hanging out.  That the night we met was "really special and fun" and that he really hoped we could be friends cause he 'likes me a lot" and again, that he was really sorry. I told him that I knew that's why he behaved the way he did but we could have just talked bout it but instead he vanished - which is the whole reason I blog to begin with, the vanishing act.  He went on to tell me that the whole next day he kept saying, "God, I'm such an asshole. I feel like such a jerk!" I told him that I was glad to know he had a conscious. I too, told him that I hoped we could be friend as I too, enjoyed his company but that it was going to take some time.

Now, I guess that was closure, for both of us.  I believe subconsciously, he behaved the way he did that run-in night because he was trying to paint a clear picture.  Message received.  It felt good to tell him that he acted like an asshole and I'm glad he felt badly for being an asshole.   Other than that chat, he would leave comments on FB page or we'd text when something reminded us of an inside joke we had (yes you can have inside jokes after 6 dates).  Here's the moral of the Mario tale, he's a Good Time Charlie (like how my mom referenced Biggie), someone to have fun with and fun to be around but that's it.  GTC doesn't settle down.  GTC aqates fun without having to be serious...

Now that your caught up to speed on what went down with (not so super) Mario, you, the reader, now know we are on good terms. Catching up one night, it was suggested watching our two teams play the pre-season game.  I thought, why not?  If anything, we sit, drink, laugh and watch one of our teams lose.  I accepted the invitation with weeks to go.  The week leading up he would text and trash talk my team and suggested that I come to the Westside so he could "show me what the westside is all about."  He even suggested me coming down early so we can ride bikes by the beach.  On a hot Saturday afternoon, I would have done anything to be out enjoying the weather, and hopefully the company that I was keeping.

What I didn't expect was the marathon of what I call the Extend-a-not-date: an appointment for a particular time; a social engagement, or occasion arrangedbeforehand with another person - in which a person is NOT picked up by the other person's mode of transportation, nor are you sure of the romantic intensions or lack there of.

Saturday - game day - we agreed to meet at his apt. around 4 (game was at 530).  Traffic was horrible and parking was a bitch.  We jump up on his bikes and ride to bar 1, which was closed. I almost wipe out (cause I think I was 12 the last time I rode a bike, voluntarily or recreationally), however managed to jump off somehow sparing myself any bodily harm.  He was very sweet to look back and ask repeatedly if I was okay as we rode to bar 2.  Mario kept commenting on how impressed he was with me getting away with not hurting myself.  Bar 2 now was not airing the game so we left and went to  bar 3 on 3rd, apparnently a regular spot for him.  We attempted again to get the game on but no one was airing the live feed.  We decided to stay and have apps and drinks anyway.  Then we took the bikes down the Pier where we hit the arcade.  We stopped by the Mexican restaurant at the very end of the pier to have margararitas, which were delcious, made wishes into the bucket that hangs above the ocean, found the final score of the game to 32-17 (not in favor of my team), and Mario had the 3 man band serenade me, his "esposa" (which means wife is Spanish).  The band was great but I laughed it off.  We walked up the pier with his arm around me, and then once again on the bikes went to a tapas bar where we each had a glass of wine and a plate of tapas which was delicious, then hopped back on our bikes to bar 3 for karaoke.  We each sang our staple -go-to song, his "Hard to Handle" and mine "Hit Me With Your Best Shot".  We quickly made friends with everyone, especially the couple near by who were helluva pair of singers and they thought we were good?!   We could have left by 10:30 but decided to stay for one my round of singing, and one more beer.   That time I debuted "I Hate Myself for Loving You," and he did "Suspiscious Minds" for me.  We both rocked it, at least in our minds, and judging by the applause of the bar.  We were like rockstars.  And we danced in-between songs, and Mario doesn't dance, but we danced like it was going out of style. He's a fun guy (GTC).  We laugh a lot and laugh often.  We left shortly after our last song and headed back to his apartment.  We were supposed to walk the bikes but half way there he said we were okay to ride, well he fell and scraped up his back and me the novice, is virtually unarmed.   I crashed there but don't get the wrong idea...

A little overserved before karaoke round two!

Sunday - decided to go for breakfast near Venice.  Back on the bikes and into the sun in my clothes from the night before.  Breakfast was delicious.  He wanted to go to the Farmers Market quickly to pick up some groceries and then ride farther into Venice but was hungover so we stopped for bloody Mary's at an Irish bar I had been too before only to discover they were re-airing the game, so we stayed for a couple and just nustled into the booth together.  After the game had begin replaying for the second time, we hopped back on the bikes and rode from there all the way back to his place by way of the beach/pier and it was nice.  I thought to myself, I never do this, the weather's perfect, this is great.  Though it was hot, I was still enjoying the day and company.  I realized that I had been with this guy who I am not romantically into or interested in for 24 hours and had to flee.  Let's make it less awkward and let me do the man-thing and just get-out-while-I-can.  I gave him a kiss on the cheek, thanked him and left. It took me forever to get home and upon returning home, I text him when I got home to -again- thank him and tell him I had a great time. He replied with "I had a blast!" 

SUMMARY: Again, GTC!  I know he's someone you have fun with, but not settle down with - though I got the sense he's maybe looking.  He's cool, funny and a gentleman - at least the past 2 days he was. Will I see him again? Dont' know. Actually, I know I won't.  Do I want to see him again?  Don't know, what's the point?  The things that worked and didn't work before are the same things that work and don't work now.  I needed a fun night out and I got it! I'm not looking for a Good Time Charlie, I'm looking for more than that!

Trifecta - revisited

I still totally believe in this power of 3s, however it has not worked for either of us with the guy in question and perhaps that's a good thing.  It works in that you suss it out to know already it's a waste of time.

Miss J never heard from HDG again but met an even HOTTER guy that next weekend.  I approve.  They've already gone out on a date and I'm hoping she hears from him again and soon!  H-O-T!

KGB and me and Miss J did our Trifecta on the hotter bartender, only to have a good time but no vibe was clear on the jury.  She hasn't heard from him. Humph.

And as for me, I left that message for Mac one week ago.  One. Week. Ago.  This is the guy who would call me and leave me sweet messages or try to make plans only not to deliver.  I lost interest.  You're too old to play at what you're playing at.  Yes, there very well could be someone else in the mix, or he's just lazy, and I have put myself out there to you and now I'm retracting; ship has sailed.

NEXT....the Challenge

Trifecta!

Meaning: term used to describe a situation when three elements come together at the same time.  


So I ask, do women (now) have to be the aggressive ones?  Okay, maybe we don't HAVE to be the aggressive ones but apparently there are other women who make it easy for guys to get away with lazy behavior so they don't think they have to pursue us.  That also goes for the technology era we're in.  I keep asking, whatever happened to the phone call?? This was a topic heavily covered by the ladies this past weekend.  The reason we asked this was because we're getting older (my friends are all now officially in their 30s) and we don't have the time, or should I say patience to play the game (or games)  .  


TRIFECTA was born - three elements, in this case friends, come together at the same time to stage a bit of a hottie intervention to suss the situation out. Not in a crazy girl way but a cool, I'm out with my friends, funny seeing you kind of way.  


Situation 1: Miss J had been out with all of us the weekend before and Hottie Door Guy (HDG) - upon us leaving- gave her his number.  Miss J was taken aback, as we women often are when we miss you're (guys) oh-so-subtle-you-could-miss those clues.  Synopsis - by the time they met up for drinks, HDG was a drag, a bore, a yawn, all wrapped up in a beautifully deceiving man package.  Upon my encouragement, and a few others, a second date/chance was in order to really judge.  First "dates" are weird.  Second dates get everything out that you didn't cover in your initial what-do-I-really-know-about-you-that-we-could-see-this-going anywhere? 


At happy hour, Me and KGB (newest addition to the blog) suggested we stop by the bar he bounces.  Miss J wondered what would he say? How would he react?  We thought, what the hell else you got to lose?  (Mind you, me and KGB had been at happy hour a good one hour of happy before Miss J did not sway our decision in anyway).  We also decided, women need to empower women.  We can sit around and bitch about it or we can walk right up and ask if there's a table available.  We did both that night ;)  Upon arrival, Miss J asked, "What do I say?" I told her, "Simple.  They wanted a Burger," which we TOTALLY did.  But all-in-all he was boring as she said.  Why wouldn't the guy glued to his crackberry be texting cute things to my girl out of his sight line inside?   Miss J didn't expect to hear from him again, and hasn't as -of -date.


Situation 2: KGB met hottie bartender on Sunset and went out with him once.  A couple of text messages and emails and then silence... she wanted that second date.  So girl empowerment decided we'd go there (the bar he bartends) for happy hour this week to stage an hottie intervention to see if there's anything there worth pining after....stay tuned.


Situation 3: And me, maybe I'm being a foo but better the fool to fall on her face than to cover it.  Mac last called on Friday, I called him on Saturday to invite him out for a drink with all of us (since he apparently works better in groups) and hadn't heard back.  It's Tuesday, feeling aggressive, I call.  Of course I get his voicemail.  Okay, Bradshaw, keep it cool and brief.  "Hey, I just got home from work and thought I'd call and say hi and see if I could get a hold of you. (laugh); apparently not so I'm talking to your vm instead.  Just curious if you're available this week to catch a drink or something.  Let me know."  It felt good to put myself out there, even in the event it doesn't produce any or any immediate results, I did it; so there!!


Meanwhile, they say things happen in THREE'S....

Valley Barry

I know I have not written about Valley Barry.  VB is a friend of Miss J's withwhom she worked with previously. When me and my girls venture out locally in the hood, we tended to run into Valley Barry - a lot!  Seemingly cool guy with a big, voiceover voice.  One particular night running into VB, all of my girls were chatting up some guy, and I was talking to Valley Barry.  VB is a nice guy and we exchanged dating stories and whatnots.  I had an extra glass of wine or two and we ended up kissing.  (I don't have much memory or how that happened nor why) but he did ask for my number.  I was open to going on a date with him as he had asked for my number for that reason.

A week later, Trifecta coming into affect, it was Miss J's birthday.  Valley Barry was there, however let me give you the backstory of what or why not that's a big deal - HE NEVER CALLED!  One week after the drunken last-call kiss, he never called.  In the week that had passed, I grew over it cause I wasn't that into it.  When he showed, I happened to be standing near the door.  We're all adults so it's not going to turn into some scene.  "Wow, Bradshaw, you look great!" he said to me before heading to the bar. I said thank you and smiled politely and went about co-hosting.  He turned into creepy guy staring at me from across the room all night.  Or lurking about hoping to squeeze into a conversation I was having with the fellow party guests.  When that opportunity came about he says, "Bradshaw, hey!  I would love to buy you a drink."  I said very politely, "Thank you but I just closed my tab and actually I'm leaving."  


Upon me leaving, Valley Barry pulled Miss J aside and asked, "Does Bradshaw not like me?"  And Miss J not to hold back says matter of factly "You didn't call."   He looked at her like he had no idea what she was talking about.  You work up the courage to ask for a girls number and then not use it.  What gives?  He gave her some sob sotry of how he "wanted to call but..." and th ereality of hte situation - for both men and women alike- if you are interested in someone, NOTHING holds you back from making contact.  We're all business with work and other stuff. That just shouldn't be the factor holding you back but rather is what's holding you back in the dating world.  He told Miss J that he was sorry and she told him that he then owed me the apology for being such a baby, if he liked me.

I did receive a phone call the next day and I let it go to voicemail.  There was no apology in that voicemail just "Hey it's Valley Barry, great to see you last night.  Listen, give me a call if you want and I hope to hear from you."  Fail.   Miss J had filled me in on the conversation after I received that voicemail and I told her that I was glad she set him straight but I lost interest.

One night when the Trifecta was out, we were seated at one of our usual haunts and Miss J says like a ventriloquist, "Barry's here. Don't look."  Shit, I thought. I don't want to see this guy but it's inevitably since we were back at the scene of the crime (the location where he had asked for my number).  I kept my back facing him until the bartender sets two glasses down in front of us and says, "That guy at the end of the bar would like to buy you ladies your next round."  Now, sure that's like out of a movie, too bad it was Valley Barry that was the buyer.  We were forced to turn and wave and say hi.  He looked surprised like he didn't know I was seated next to Jennie. Come on!

Valley Barry makes hsi way over and we make small talk.  When Miss J struck up a convo with the babe seated next to her (Lumberjack), I was left talking to VB.  He says, "You never called?" "No, I didn't," I said matter of factly.  And when he questioned as to why I went on to tell him that I was just going to be honest.  "Yes, you called, a week after you got my number and saw me a week after you got my number."  "Well, work was this and that...."  and I said, "Come on, I have known you for a short time but in that short amount of time you always are on your phone, have your phone out, etc.  So there really is no excuse as to why you didn't use it to make some sort of contact with me, and that's the reality."  He looked at me dumbfounded. I said, "I'm not trying to make this any more awkward because we have mutual friends and I know we're going to run into each other so I just want to clear the air.  You're a nice guy but it's not going to happen."  He asks, "Well can I take you to dinner to make it up to you?" "No," I answered immediately.  He says, "No. Wow. no?" I said, "Again, I'm trying to be honest but polite, I lost interest."

Don't you think a woman, if given the opportunity to tell a guy what he did wrong if that chance was given to you?  How do guys learn? I mean, and this is another blog to come, they're getting the wrong dating advice from somewhere....why not get it from the horse's mouth.

Big Picture??

A couple of weeks ago I went to one of our local bars and ran into Lucy, a former co-worker and friend of Biggie.  I hadn't seen here in years (and the last time I had was I believe about 3 years ago and I was there with a guy I thought I was after.) Anyway, Lucy complemented me on how great I looked and asked how I was.  Small talk with the elephant in the room - not knowing the elephant was in fact, there.  The elephant being Biggie.  Upon deciding to go to another bar, I look over and see Biggie paying his tab with Lucy.  Why wouldn't Lucy tell me that he was there? Why shoudl it matter being that we were 'cool' but upon earlier postings, I walked right up to him to say hello.  And a day or two later, Biggie called to apologize for beign weird because he was there with his current girl and all I could say was, Yeah it was weird but did you see the tall dirnk of water I was with?)  back to Lucy, she again, says how great I look and then blurts out "Did you know Biggie moved back?" "Yes," I said mater of factly.  She asks if I have talked to him. 'Yes, actually."  Off my look she says, "Oh?" I said, "Well, I've talked to and spent time with Biggie."  "And?" she asks?  I say, "Well you're good friends, if you don't already know that, then that's odd?"  She tells me she will work on 'that story' and I didn't know what she meant other than asking Biggie himself, which I hoped she wouldn't.


This past Friday me and the girl hit up a new (local) happh hour.  Lucy walked in and b-lined for the bathroom but I grabbed her on the way to say hi.  She hugged me and was elated to see me then went back to her fello bar patron.  Upon leaving to hit up another local haunt, I went up to say good bye.  She syas, "I texted Biggie to tell him that 5, 6, 7, 8 was here (her nickname for me) and he told me he was in Vegas." I say, "Yeah I know." Off that comment she say, "Oh??"  Nothing of it lady, he just happened to email me the other day.  She goes on to say, "I'm going to work on this. I like you two together." "Hmm mmm, why?" She says, "Because you I like you and you were the only one that ever gelled with the group."  I found that interesting and said, "Thanks."  She says, "I mean, the last girl? We all knew that wouldn't last."  (The last girl was the one he moved out of LA for only to move back 4 months later."I didn't know much about her but he made sure she saw me before he left, which I thought was interesting." She says, "Well that's because he knew he'd be back."  I joked, "Yeah and he contacted me upon his re-arrival."  Miss J was honking her horn and I had to jet but off of Lucy's look I couldn't help but ponder?


Then again, after the falling off/borderline bored end of the spectrum of how things went on / off with Biggie, I had to get my head out of the past and into the present.  That's why, as if on cue, sipping on my Blonde beer, Mac called...

Birthday Declarations - Truth or Fantasy?

I had come up with these declarations on my birthday instead of making resolutions upon ringing in the near year.  How do I fare at my halfway point?  


* MOVE! - DID and finally remodeld, in that I purged old belongings (my green sofa, fashions and guys out of date) and made room to have someone in my room; even if it hasn't happened yet. 
* Drink less (ha ha ha), eat even better / Get moving, i.e. exercise more.- okay I was doing really great with working out and eating great, but the drink less; it ain't realistic. 
* Say yes to being set up - That is in progress....Shadow!! 
* Say no to men who are only about themselves - still a work in progress 
* Don't waste a date on someone with no prospect (if you aren't feeling it on the first date, you're not going to magically feel it on the second or third). STILL TRUE, though I haven't dated. 
* 2010, no one under 30 (21 is too young), date older :) - I had a moment of amnesia
* Working on savings, 401k, etc. - Hmmm
* Learn to cook (better) - still working on it 
* Don't criticize men as a hobby (I borrowed that one, I like it)...
* Write more... and more often - trying, but it's hard holding down a full-time job and going to school part-time, factoring in homework and maintaining my socializing. Not making excuses but good grief. 
* Ask for advice when needed (unsolicited advice usually comes from a bad place).
* Learn something new - I AM  
*Always break the rules, no one likes a goodie goodie.  Amen, sister 
* Remind yourself that breakups happen for a reason, they're broken.  Remind yourself often if you have to.
* Just because he wasn't right for me doesn't mean he wouldn't be perfect for someone else.
* Call more often - those I see every day, those of you I don't, and those of you want to!


**Addendum- I want off this mancation.

Call Back Auditions

...so this has been a hot topic for a while now.  I do believe I've written about it before.  What's the standard rule? What breaks the rules? Are there rules to the call back?  I'm beginning to think they are, or rather does it just depends on the circumstances?


Recently a friend blamed me for a girl he met, that he claimed to like but didn't call immediately.  (Backstory was that we went out - ONCE - and when he called the next day (though I made it clear, or so I thought, that I was busy), I let it go to voicemail. Well, I let more than one call go to voicemail.  Sure, was it fair to him? no)  Haven't we all tried to spare one another's feelings by just not calling?  Or not returning a call?  However, he asked my 'dating advice' and I gave it to him straight out, 'If you like this girl as much as you say you do, don't listen to your stupid 20-something guy friends, call her."  He met her on a Friday, called on my urging on a Monday and never. heard. back.  CoCo came back to me the next day and blamed me?! by expressing the fact that he called me the day after we went out and I didn't respond. It's an easy out but doesn't mean it doesn't sting a little. Most people can brush it off cause they don't have to see them every single day.  I know it's not my fault it blew it with the girl he'd never pursue. 


I have a whole male's perspective on the topic matter - aside from that stated above - but haven't posted it yet.


I wrote about this topic  earlier this April - regarding Biggie.  This was the call or not to call but text cause maybe you wouldn't be available to call but whatever happened to the days when we weren't so instantly connected that we had to wait to get home to rewind the tape on the message machine?


I wrote about this topic in May regarding Shadow and her latest dude K.  Although, in this case it had to deal with the email response after to falling off the face of the earth only to hit the (dreaded) REPLY ALL feature to a message on Facebook.  Now all the world of Shadow could see what this guy was made of (and how he did in English class).


I wrote about this back in June upon running into Mac again after a 5-month lapse.  If you go through the effort of asking for the number, why not use it?  He didn't, then he did, and then he fell off again and I shrugged it off.  He, me and April sat and talked about the dating realm and I expressed my views/opinions and Mac agreed with me - a lot - that I couldn't help wonder if he was being genuine or trying to keep on my good graces.  And when I shrugged off his lack of go, go, go; do as you say, I happened to meet someone else - who was younger than the both of us.  Now Ventiseis was nice and cute as a button, but he was an alleged masterdater who was not a catch and couldn't follow through beyond a text message. To me, that's a dealbreaker.  

So that's the backstory of the story (us) girls talk about often. Went on a great date with a guy twice, three times and then never heard from him again? What's the mystery? What are the rules?

Shadow met a guy when we were out one night, that guy called the next day. They're already on date number 4 or 5 as of date. I met a guy that night who was a mutual friend. He was "so glad" to run into me that night because "he's been wanting to ask me out." I gave him my number and never heard from until I ran into him a week later at J's birthday, and by then I was bored with him and found him to be a bit irritating and creepy. When he cornered Miss J to ask "if I liked him" she simpled replied, "You didn't call." He called the very next day around 1pm, but I'm sorry in my world I've already lost interest and there is NO EXCUSE to keep you from calling a girl. To quote Mac, "if you're into someone, you call"; irony.


So I ran into Mac last weekend and he looked as cute as ever.  He happened (allegedly) to be calling about a (our mutual) friend as me, Jennie and April were about to meet up with Ebony and Ivory (also mutual friends).  When I told the old man this he said, "Hmm, well if you're going to go ---- bar, let me know and I'll meet you." Me, "We're going to ----- bar."  Mac, "Oh, well I just put a steak on the grill, I will eat it real fast and come down." He was there before E and I.  We had a great time and it was good to see him.  Long version abbreviated (to spare unnecessary details), he called me the very next day to say "hi."  I love that (even in lieu of creepy dude).  That was enough for me on that day.  It only leads me to ask what's next?


Oh!  I also got an email from Biggie? He's "out-of-town but will call me when he gets back. Big hugs."  Ah, Biggie. I hate that I got excited to hear from him after all these months.  But is Mac the guy to go with?  Will he step up?  I mean he called me Tuesday and I chatted with him briefly cause I was at work and asked that I call him later. I called him yesterday night and haven't still heard from him. What's up???