A couple of weeks ago I went to one of our local bars and ran into Lucy, a former co-worker and friend of Biggie. I hadn't seen here in years (and the last time I had was I believe about 3 years ago and I was there with a guy I thought I was after.) Anyway, Lucy complemented me on how great I looked and asked how I was. Small talk with the elephant in the room - not knowing the elephant was in fact, there. The elephant being Biggie. Upon deciding to go to another bar, I look over and see Biggie paying his tab with Lucy. Why wouldn't Lucy tell me that he was there? Why shoudl it matter being that we were 'cool' but upon earlier postings, I walked right up to him to say hello. And a day or two later, Biggie called to apologize for beign weird because he was there with his current girl and all I could say was, Yeah it was weird but did you see the tall dirnk of water I was with?) back to Lucy, she again, says how great I look and then blurts out "Did you know Biggie moved back?" "Yes," I said mater of factly. She asks if I have talked to him. 'Yes, actually." Off my look she says, "Oh?" I said, "Well, I've talked to and spent time with Biggie." "And?" she asks? I say, "Well you're good friends, if you don't already know that, then that's odd?" She tells me she will work on 'that story' and I didn't know what she meant other than asking Biggie himself, which I hoped she wouldn't.
This past Friday me and the girl hit up a new (local) happh hour. Lucy walked in and b-lined for the bathroom but I grabbed her on the way to say hi. She hugged me and was elated to see me then went back to her fello bar patron. Upon leaving to hit up another local haunt, I went up to say good bye. She syas, "I texted Biggie to tell him that 5, 6, 7, 8 was here (her nickname for me) and he told me he was in Vegas." I say, "Yeah I know." Off that comment she say, "Oh??" Nothing of it lady, he just happened to email me the other day. She goes on to say, "I'm going to work on this. I like you two together." "Hmm mmm, why?" She says, "Because you I like you and you were the only one that ever gelled with the group." I found that interesting and said, "Thanks." She says, "I mean, the last girl? We all knew that wouldn't last." (The last girl was the one he moved out of LA for only to move back 4 months later."I didn't know much about her but he made sure she saw me before he left, which I thought was interesting." She says, "Well that's because he knew he'd be back." I joked, "Yeah and he contacted me upon his re-arrival." Miss J was honking her horn and I had to jet but off of Lucy's look I couldn't help but ponder?
Then again, after the falling off/borderline bored end of the spectrum of how things went on / off with Biggie, I had to get my head out of the past and into the present. That's why, as if on cue, sipping on my Blonde beer, Mac called...
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Birthday Declarations - Truth or Fantasy?
* MOVE! - DID and finally remodeld, in that I purged old belongings (my green sofa, fashions and guys out of date) and made room to have someone in my room; even if it hasn't happened yet.
* Drink less (ha ha ha), eat even better / Get moving, i.e. exercise more.- okay I was doing really great with working out and eating great, but the drink less; it ain't realistic.
* Say yes to being set up - That is in progress....Shadow!!
* Say no to men who are only about themselves - still a work in progress
* Don't waste a date on someone with no prospect (if you aren't feeling it on the first date, you're not going to magically feel it on the second or third). STILL TRUE, though I haven't dated.
* 2010, no one under 30 (21 is too young), date older :) - I had a moment of amnesia
* Working on savings, 401k, etc. - Hmmm
* Learn to cook (better) - still working on it
* Don't criticize men as a hobby (I borrowed that one, I like it)...
* Write more... and more often - trying, but it's hard holding down a full-time job and going to school part-time, factoring in homework and maintaining my socializing. Not making excuses but good grief.
* Ask for advice when needed (unsolicited advice usually comes from a bad place).
* Learn something new - I AM
*Always break the rules, no one likes a goodie goodie. Amen, sister
* Remind yourself that breakups happen for a reason, they're broken. Remind yourself often if you have to.
* Just because he wasn't right for me doesn't mean he wouldn't be perfect for someone else.
* Call more often - those I see every day, those of you I don't, and those of you want to!
**Addendum- I want off this mancation.
Call Back Auditions
...so this has been a hot topic for a while now. I do believe I've written about it before. What's the standard rule? What breaks the rules? Are there rules to the call back? I'm beginning to think they are, or rather does it just depends on the circumstances?
Recently a friend blamed me for a girl he met, that he claimed to like but didn't call immediately. (Backstory was that we went out - ONCE - and when he called the next day (though I made it clear, or so I thought, that I was busy), I let it go to voicemail. Well, I let more than one call go to voicemail. Sure, was it fair to him? no) Haven't we all tried to spare one another's feelings by just not calling? Or not returning a call? However, he asked my 'dating advice' and I gave it to him straight out, 'If you like this girl as much as you say you do, don't listen to your stupid 20-something guy friends, call her." He met her on a Friday, called on my urging on a Monday and never. heard. back. CoCo came back to me the next day and blamed me?! by expressing the fact that he called me the day after we went out and I didn't respond. It's an easy out but doesn't mean it doesn't sting a little. Most people can brush it off cause they don't have to see them every single day. I know it's not my fault it blew it with the girl he'd never pursue.
I have a whole male's perspective on the topic matter - aside from that stated above - but haven't posted it yet.
I wrote about this topic earlier this April - regarding Biggie. This was the call or not to call but text cause maybe you wouldn't be available to call but whatever happened to the days when we weren't so instantly connected that we had to wait to get home to rewind the tape on the message machine?
I wrote about this topic in May regarding Shadow and her latest dude K. Although, in this case it had to deal with the email response after to falling off the face of the earth only to hit the (dreaded) REPLY ALL feature to a message on Facebook. Now all the world of Shadow could see what this guy was made of (and how he did in English class).
I wrote about this back in June upon running into Mac again after a 5-month lapse. If you go through the effort of asking for the number, why not use it? He didn't, then he did, and then he fell off again and I shrugged it off. He, me and April sat and talked about the dating realm and I expressed my views/opinions and Mac agreed with me - a lot - that I couldn't help wonder if he was being genuine or trying to keep on my good graces. And when I shrugged off his lack of go, go, go; do as you say, I happened to meet someone else - who was younger than the both of us. Now Ventiseis was nice and cute as a button, but he was an alleged masterdater who was not a catch and couldn't follow through beyond a text message. To me, that's a dealbreaker.
So that's the backstory of the story (us) girls talk about often. Went on a great date with a guy twice, three times and then never heard from him again? What's the mystery? What are the rules?
Shadow met a guy when we were out one night, that guy called the next day. They're already on date number 4 or 5 as of date. I met a guy that night who was a mutual friend. He was "so glad" to run into me that night because "he's been wanting to ask me out." I gave him my number and never heard from until I ran into him a week later at J's birthday, and by then I was bored with him and found him to be a bit irritating and creepy. When he cornered Miss J to ask "if I liked him" she simpled replied, "You didn't call." He called the very next day around 1pm, but I'm sorry in my world I've already lost interest and there is NO EXCUSE to keep you from calling a girl. To quote Mac, "if you're into someone, you call"; irony.
So I ran into Mac last weekend and he looked as cute as ever. He happened (allegedly) to be calling about a (our mutual) friend as me, Jennie and April were about to meet up with Ebony and Ivory (also mutual friends). When I told the old man this he said, "Hmm, well if you're going to go ---- bar, let me know and I'll meet you." Me, "We're going to ----- bar." Mac, "Oh, well I just put a steak on the grill, I will eat it real fast and come down." He was there before E and I. We had a great time and it was good to see him. Long version abbreviated (to spare unnecessary details), he called me the very next day to say "hi." I love that (even in lieu of creepy dude). That was enough for me on that day. It only leads me to ask what's next?
Oh! I also got an email from Biggie? He's "out-of-town but will call me when he gets back. Big hugs." Ah, Biggie. I hate that I got excited to hear from him after all these months. But is Mac the guy to go with? Will he step up? I mean he called me Tuesday and I chatted with him briefly cause I was at work and asked that I call him later. I called him yesterday night and haven't still heard from him. What's up???
Recently a friend blamed me for a girl he met, that he claimed to like but didn't call immediately. (Backstory was that we went out - ONCE - and when he called the next day (though I made it clear, or so I thought, that I was busy), I let it go to voicemail. Well, I let more than one call go to voicemail. Sure, was it fair to him? no) Haven't we all tried to spare one another's feelings by just not calling? Or not returning a call? However, he asked my 'dating advice' and I gave it to him straight out, 'If you like this girl as much as you say you do, don't listen to your stupid 20-something guy friends, call her." He met her on a Friday, called on my urging on a Monday and never. heard. back. CoCo came back to me the next day and blamed me?! by expressing the fact that he called me the day after we went out and I didn't respond. It's an easy out but doesn't mean it doesn't sting a little. Most people can brush it off cause they don't have to see them every single day. I know it's not my fault it blew it with the girl he'd never pursue.
I have a whole male's perspective on the topic matter - aside from that stated above - but haven't posted it yet.
I wrote about this topic earlier this April - regarding Biggie. This was the call or not to call but text cause maybe you wouldn't be available to call but whatever happened to the days when we weren't so instantly connected that we had to wait to get home to rewind the tape on the message machine?
I wrote about this topic in May regarding Shadow and her latest dude K. Although, in this case it had to deal with the email response after to falling off the face of the earth only to hit the (dreaded) REPLY ALL feature to a message on Facebook. Now all the world of Shadow could see what this guy was made of (and how he did in English class).
I wrote about this back in June upon running into Mac again after a 5-month lapse. If you go through the effort of asking for the number, why not use it? He didn't, then he did, and then he fell off again and I shrugged it off. He, me and April sat and talked about the dating realm and I expressed my views/opinions and Mac agreed with me - a lot - that I couldn't help wonder if he was being genuine or trying to keep on my good graces. And when I shrugged off his lack of go, go, go; do as you say, I happened to meet someone else - who was younger than the both of us. Now Ventiseis was nice and cute as a button, but he was an alleged masterdater who was not a catch and couldn't follow through beyond a text message. To me, that's a dealbreaker.
So that's the backstory of the story (us) girls talk about often. Went on a great date with a guy twice, three times and then never heard from him again? What's the mystery? What are the rules?
Shadow met a guy when we were out one night, that guy called the next day. They're already on date number 4 or 5 as of date. I met a guy that night who was a mutual friend. He was "so glad" to run into me that night because "he's been wanting to ask me out." I gave him my number and never heard from until I ran into him a week later at J's birthday, and by then I was bored with him and found him to be a bit irritating and creepy. When he cornered Miss J to ask "if I liked him" she simpled replied, "You didn't call." He called the very next day around 1pm, but I'm sorry in my world I've already lost interest and there is NO EXCUSE to keep you from calling a girl. To quote Mac, "if you're into someone, you call"; irony.
So I ran into Mac last weekend and he looked as cute as ever. He happened (allegedly) to be calling about a (our mutual) friend as me, Jennie and April were about to meet up with Ebony and Ivory (also mutual friends). When I told the old man this he said, "Hmm, well if you're going to go ---- bar, let me know and I'll meet you." Me, "We're going to ----- bar." Mac, "Oh, well I just put a steak on the grill, I will eat it real fast and come down." He was there before E and I. We had a great time and it was good to see him. Long version abbreviated (to spare unnecessary details), he called me the very next day to say "hi." I love that (even in lieu of creepy dude). That was enough for me on that day. It only leads me to ask what's next?
Oh! I also got an email from Biggie? He's "out-of-town but will call me when he gets back. Big hugs." Ah, Biggie. I hate that I got excited to hear from him after all these months. But is Mac the guy to go with? Will he step up? I mean he called me Tuesday and I chatted with him briefly cause I was at work and asked that I call him later. I called him yesterday night and haven't still heard from him. What's up???
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
RUN! don't walk...
Okay, while it's hot and summertime, I might have entertained little twenty-something Ventiseis, however, my instincts are NEVER wrong. Like clockwork, Venti texted me Monday night (that's 3-4 days after seeing him last). I knew it was him even when it beeped.
"Good weekend?" 8:07p
Now you know from my previous posting of Single-ish how annoying that is for a girl to get. I responded briefly, and included a "and you?"
(And I quote) "Eh, in a funk, trying to figure out direction in my life, all without affecting my summer."
I stared at my phone's screen like I wasn't really reading this. If you're on the dating track you don't tell someone you're lost. Just pull over and ask for directions or just keep driving, you know? I couldn't respond. I didn't and wasn't sure I wanted to respond. Well, he quickly sent another message while I pondered.
"Making goals for the rest of the year..."
Hmm, yes way to follow it up with something semi-positive so you don't sound so dopey. My response, "Yes I remember you telling me this. Hang in there, you don't have to figure it all out today."
"Thx, I know, it all takes time. Learning that the hard way."
"Nothing BUT time..."
"Lol."
No, dude, it's not funny. I wasn't being funny. While we all get a little lost in life, or question if we are where we're supposed to be going, or wonder why things aren't as you wish they would be; some things in life are worth laughing about, but that last LOL was a defense mechanism (and I've always loathed the overuse of LOL. Always!). Alas, poor twenty-something, I know this story all too well. All the best to you!
Mancation Status: to quote my BFF "RUN, Bradshaw, RUN!"
When re-telling of my not-date to my girls, Cedes asked if I attached a picture of the hanging cat in my text message. I didn't have that capability so I'm attaching it to this blog post cause THAT IS funny!!
"Good weekend?" 8:07p
Now you know from my previous posting of Single-ish how annoying that is for a girl to get. I responded briefly, and included a "and you?"
(And I quote) "Eh, in a funk, trying to figure out direction in my life, all without affecting my summer."
I stared at my phone's screen like I wasn't really reading this. If you're on the dating track you don't tell someone you're lost. Just pull over and ask for directions or just keep driving, you know? I couldn't respond. I didn't and wasn't sure I wanted to respond. Well, he quickly sent another message while I pondered.
"Making goals for the rest of the year..."
"Thx, I know, it all takes time. Learning that the hard way."
"Nothing BUT time..."
"Lol."
No, dude, it's not funny. I wasn't being funny. While we all get a little lost in life, or question if we are where we're supposed to be going, or wonder why things aren't as you wish they would be; some things in life are worth laughing about, but that last LOL was a defense mechanism (and I've always loathed the overuse of LOL. Always!). Alas, poor twenty-something, I know this story all too well. All the best to you!
Mancation Status: to quote my BFF "RUN, Bradshaw, RUN!"
When re-telling of my not-date to my girls, Cedes asked if I attached a picture of the hanging cat in my text message. I didn't have that capability so I'm attaching it to this blog post cause THAT IS funny!!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Master-dater???
We've been talking about getting a drink for 2 weeks and finally settled on a night for our 'not-date.' I call it a "not" date because he didn't pick me up, rather we met at a bar up the street from where we both live. Veintiséis, here's his story: he's 26, hence the name, which in turn (because I never use anyone's real name on this blog) is a rip-off of Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson. Those of my readers who aren't sports-minded, this Cincinnati Bengals' wide receiver (that's NFL) changed his name LEGALLY to Ochocino, the number that he bears on his jersey. So I found it only fitting to call my new subject Veintiséis in honor of Chad, and of this twenty-something's age. Also, it's a shout out to Herbie the Love Bug, remember that Disney classic or am I dating myself? The little boy called Herbie "Ocho" because the number on his car -53- added up to eight!! Back to my not-date with Veinti (for short)...
Here's the GOOD:
BFF: "He’s too young. I would just look at it as something to do for the meantime."
Miss J: "It definitely sounds like it won't go anywhere because he pretty much told you on the first not date. I wonder what happened with the 3 week situation. 3 weeks is a such a short time to be destroyed, especially now considering that most guys take their sweet ass time with dating. I don't even get the loving to be with a girl that absolutely destroys him."
Mancation Status: On the Beach, under the umbrella
Here's the GOOD:
- He's super cute (which I did remembered from when we met). Great smile (which I also remembered from when we met) and smart (about technology-ish stuff).
- He has a great voice, and laugh, that I wouldn't have remembered since our meeting becauseVeinti only texts, doesn't call.
- I had a good time. However, I felt like there were a couple of red flags - or perhaps we should use cards like in the game of soccer (yellow cards serve as caution, while red cards usually send a player off the field) - that I just tried to shrug off - for now.
- Veinti walked me to my car, gave me a kiss on the cheek and a gigantic hug. That's completely acceptable to me on a first "not date", some may read that as he's not into me. Or if I were really into him, I might be asking, "Why didn't the bugger try to kiss me?"
- Veinti told me that 2010 has been his year to date; he's been dating a lot,but that he's "not looking for a serious relationship". I didn't say much on that because is that a defensive thing Or is that truly how he feels?
- He said he blew his last 3-week thing by "making plans." "A guy should never start planning," he said nervously, running his hands through his hair, "and I got totally destroyed." WAIT, this guy got destroyed in 3 weeks, no, not 3 months, but isn't looking for anything serious??? Something is not right there.
- I listened to him rant about dating, since 2010 is making him an expert ("Master Dater") on dating, or possibly what not to do. He apologized once again for the suggestive texts and said, "There comes a time when you have to break your cycle of what you keep doing, you know?" Do guys normally aknowledge their shortcomings or behavioral bafflings?
- I felt like he was a the girl in the situation. But I let him pick up the tab (I mean, for his crazy rants and my having to suffer through them).
- He wanted to come over to my house to drink wine and I say politely, "No." (hoping my eyes weren't bugging out of my head in surprise) Seriously? He may not be looking for a serious relationship, but I'm not looking to be someone's hook up, I'm looking for more than that.
BFF: "He’s too young. I would just look at it as something to do for the meantime."
Miss J: "It definitely sounds like it won't go anywhere because he pretty much told you on the first not date. I wonder what happened with the 3 week situation. 3 weeks is a such a short time to be destroyed, especially now considering that most guys take their sweet ass time with dating. I don't even get the loving to be with a girl that absolutely destroys him."
Mancation Status: On the Beach, under the umbrella
Getting Over That Hill...
BACKSTORY: Mac and I had talked earlier in the week, when he actually called to see what I was up to for the weekend. In what was the longest round of what I'm doing this weekend and will he ask me out, he says, "So you'll be in the valley on Saturday? Perhaps me, Shadow, and you, or just you and me can meet up for a drink?" Now for a man in his 40s, I don't know what I need the buddy system, but I told him it probably wouldn't be a problem for him to meet up with us after our dinner is over. So he says, "Great, I'm going to keep Saturday night open." And I told him that I would be in touch. I left him a voicemail the day of, perhaps I waited too long with the call back but it was a hectic week with my mom being in town.
Continuation of my friend's 40th birthday...after many adult beverages (and tequila shots - which is uncharacteristic of me), and no phone call or voicemail, I gave up on the idea that Mac was coming to the after party.
The biggest turn of events - "The Hill" - didn't occur until the party was officially over, I will quote a Spanish proverb to best summerize, "What the fool does in the end, the wise do in the beginning." Months after (again) not speaking to my platonic pal, we exchanged words after successfully - with the help of my friends -staying apart all night. I am sure I looked foolish but having learned once again I should have walked away, and stayed away a long, long time ago. However, I'd rather look foolish to finally learn to be wiser. This event made me question a lot and bring things to perspective - or a newer perspective (again with a little help from my friends). Things I've always known: I can't make someone they are not. I can't make someone into being that type of person I need them to be. I don't need another guy friend in my life, I have some really great ones who are far better friends than this pal was. Also, I am sick of giving people the benefit of the doubt when their past behavior already predicted how this will turn out (thanks Dr. Phil). Done. And Scene.
Mancation Status: Don't make something out of nothing, and nothing into something.
Continuation of my friend's 40th birthday...after many adult beverages (and tequila shots - which is uncharacteristic of me), and no phone call or voicemail, I gave up on the idea that Mac was coming to the after party.
The biggest turn of events - "The Hill" - didn't occur until the party was officially over, I will quote a Spanish proverb to best summerize, "What the fool does in the end, the wise do in the beginning." Months after (again) not speaking to my platonic pal, we exchanged words after successfully - with the help of my friends -staying apart all night. I am sure I looked foolish but having learned once again I should have walked away, and stayed away a long, long time ago. However, I'd rather look foolish to finally learn to be wiser. This event made me question a lot and bring things to perspective - or a newer perspective (again with a little help from my friends). Things I've always known: I can't make someone they are not. I can't make someone into being that type of person I need them to be. I don't need another guy friend in my life, I have some really great ones who are far better friends than this pal was. Also, I am sick of giving people the benefit of the doubt when their past behavior already predicted how this will turn out (thanks Dr. Phil). Done. And Scene.
Mancation Status: Don't make something out of nothing, and nothing into something.
I'm With the DJ
I went to a friend's 40th birthday over the Holiday weekend. She had a blown out event at a nearby venue complete with sit down dinner, tent, DJ, and open bar (all night). Not one to shy away from the dance floor, I repeatedly made my way to the middle-aged man behind the table for requests. Upon my I-lost-count return to sir DJ, he says to me, "You're so pretty." I was beyond flattered and told him, "That's the best compliment, thank you, and it totally made my night."
As the outside portion of the party ended and the DJ began packing up his gear around 10pm, I went over to compliment him on a job well done. (I firmly believe in compliment for compliment). He says, "If I wasn't married, the things I'd do." I was a bit taken aback by that but I'm going to go out on a limb and take the compliment from this mystery man who is devoted to his wife.
As the outside portion of the party ended and the DJ began packing up his gear around 10pm, I went over to compliment him on a job well done. (I firmly believe in compliment for compliment). He says, "If I wasn't married, the things I'd do." I was a bit taken aback by that but I'm going to go out on a limb and take the compliment from this mystery man who is devoted to his wife.
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