Turkey for You, Turkey for Me - One Year Later

"Miles" - soon I'll get to scoot in next to him

I type this as I just finished packing for my trip to see my family for Thanksgiving, and that trip also includes plenty of face time - finally - with Miles!!!    It's been over a year since we've seen each other and we've laid a lot of ground work to get to this point.  I am going into it without any expectations to ensure I truly enjoy myself.  He and I have lived with the fantasy versions of one another until this fateful weekend.  Will it be like picking up where we left off?  I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm beyond excited. I believe he is too!  It's nice to have something - or someone - to look forward to.  


Oh, and my parents don't know I'm coming so that's the first suprise...then it's figuring out a way to tell them that I'm spending the rest of the weekend in the city with a man.  Hmm.  Stay tuned!


Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!! 

I sent this to Miles last night...his response, "I really like this...great planning tool." 

ManDate: Sometimes in life or "like", you gotta put yourself out there, even if it's a little cheesy :) 

More Weekend Updates... "ewww"

About a week ago...Three women set out for a night out together - me, Shadow and Mercedes were overdue for some girl time.  After catching up over a delicious serving (or two) of Mercedes' matzo ball soup), we decided to grab "a" drink at one of our local hangs.

It was surprisingly busy and both our friendly bartenders were working.  FIRST, the three of us were approached by a curious 3 some, you'll see why I say that....   Earlier in the evening over matzo balls, I said to my girls, "I don't want to be in my 40s and single, AND looking." While seated at the bar next to Mercedes, I always take in my surroundings when I noticed the 3 some get up from a table in the main dining area and went back to my conversation.  Then I happened to turn and caught glimpse of the older Asian lady dressed for something that wasn't appropriate to where we were (who was part of this 3 some).  I put my head down and laughed.  Mercedes wanted to know what my inner moment was about and I said, "Remember my comment I made earlier?  It just showed itself to me."  Then without warning, Asian lady was in my space.  In. My. Space. Asking if it was girls night out, where are all the hot guys, what's my story; too many questions from a stranger, in my opinion.  And what's worse is she continued to invade my space.  Hey, I'm a little particular, so sue me, but if I don't know you, I don't need you to get that close - physically.  I closed off my body language to try to give this woman a clue but it seemed a trigger for her to lean in closer, touch more, and frankly, she smelled!  What did she smell like?  Well, dirty old woman and just bad oral hygiene.  Ewww!  I happend to get the opportunity to look over my shoulder to check in with my girls and both were locked into conversations with the other two - a married couple.  My instinct said, ABORT but I was literally pinned against the bar and didn't know how to escape until Shadow asked if I wanted to go out to the smoking patio with her, "YES!" I didn't hesitate.  And the weirdest thing was the man in the scenario, "Bradshaw. Hey." "I didn't  meet you?" He says, "No, but I heard you introduce yourself and your name is the only I remember."  Eww.  Did we escape? Or was this a time out from the inevitable awkward, "Hey I'm not that into you?"

On the smoking porch, we were approached by a guy desparate for a ciggy.  He was nice and funny enough that we let him hang around. As we re-hatched what the hell was happening inside (as those weirdos were 'keeping our seats warm'), our new friend, Tattoo, stayed entertained.  As I told Shadow of how uncomfortable that older woman, smelly Asian woman was making me, place before I politely and bluntly said, "I don't know know what you're looking for but I don't think it's here."  We stayed and talked to Tattoo long enough that the 3 some left to go seek out their next victims. Yes, folks, I'm convinced they were swingers hoping us three were going to join the party - without going into too many specifics. Ewwww.  Well, Tattoo served up another turn to the evening. His dog just died so he took up smoking (but had no ciggys on him?) and he wasn't over his ex who was a 'cutter' and when pressed for how long it's been since they broke up, he says, "13 months." I'm sorry but that was weird and no guy speaks in months, they round up, by counting exactly 1 year and a month makes it more clear that you aren't OVER HER.  I'm not interested but you know he was interested in Shadow, it was soooo obvious.  But here's the kicker, he then mentions that he's there on a blind date? WTF. But the girl was a total "c word" and he doesn't want to be out with her. Ewww.

Back inside: Mercedes went off to talk to 2 guys and so me and Shadow sat ourselves at the bar talking and she says "Biggie is here."  I see him prance in with this obviously very drunk, little red head.  Hmm, ok. Yes, readers that Biggie!   We go on talking, I wondering what's taking the bartender so long to bring me another damn drink and then other bartender says, "5, 6, 7, 8, look!"  (a nickname from the past when I was dating Biggie).  Knowing he's standing there, I politely smile in his direction and he (and the red head) come over to say hello.  Upon closer viewing, I realize I know her because she dated Biggie's BFF in '05 when I dated Biggie, the same friend who just got married a few weeks ago so I knew they're not "together, together" because he may be him but he woudln't hook up with his best friend's ex = bro code. He gives me a giant Biggie hug and says in my ear, "Can I kiss you now?"  I says, "Do you want to?"  "Yes!"  I didn't know how to respond to that so I sat back down and grabbed my drink.  He says hello to Shadow and I re-introduce her to Red and standing there smiling at me and Biggie says, "the gang's back together!" He goes off to talk to his friends and I go check on Cedes and then Shadow's off's smoking one one guy or another.  I get into a great discussion with Cedes'  interest's friend.  Cool dude, married though, not really my type but awesome to talk to. Red falls into me in a drunk stupor, and previously had spilled her drink on me.  Biggie puts her in a chair and bartender gives her water.  Biggie is trying to pick up this girl who looks like she walked out of a Whitsnake video - Tight little dress, tights and hooker shoes, and she was TALL with big blonde hair.  I thought he liked brunettes?  And all I kept thinking was "Wasn't he taller?" cause he looked so short and so ordinary among the crowd.  Biggie's friend gets kicked out and causes a huge scene and Biggie lets him go - alone - what a shit friend!  Ewwww  We (the girls) end up staying till the lights come on and he comes over and says, "What are you guys doing now?"  which I didn't know if he really wanted to know or was alluding to some after hours - wink wink.  I tell him I'm going home and that it was clear he wasn't heading home alone. BTW,  the way he acted w/ this girl was the way he acted w/ me the last time we hung out.  But he kept asking, "What are you doing now? What are you doing now?" hugging on me.  Shadow says, "You two are cute together."  I'm mortified that she said that, and he giggles.  Then, wait for it, he starts kissing on my neck and I'm thinking WTF and says, "I'm so messed up." We just turn and leave.   I'm not here to rescue him.  If we were both in our 20s that might be semi-endearing, instead I found it pathetic that a 40-something guy didn't have a clue or a grip.  I dodged that bullet, thank goodness. I mean I'm thankful for the time we spent together but have NO interest in going back there!

Man Date - bring on Miles. I'm ready! 

What you've Missed ... I'm back!

My apologies for not keeping up with da bloggin' but man, oh, man has life been chaotic with work, school, homework, freelance job - all the while maintaining a social life.  Here's what you missed:

Weekend Update(s)

After a happy hour one night with KGB and Miss J, me and Shadow heading back to the valley to catch one last drink with friends.  I walk into the bar and there. he. is. BIGGIE.  Yeah, you remember him. Haven't seen him in MONTHS but maintined little to no phone contact since our last hang.  No biggie, pardon the pun, but in however many months it had been, and it's a regular haunt for the both of us, why now do we finally cross paths?  He was still wearing this navy blue collared shirt I remembered him wearing back when we dated 5 years prior.  Is that weird? Kinda but  thank god for already having a buzz ;) After hanging with friends and saying good bye to my friends behind the bar, I turned around and he was behind me.  "I thought you left without saying good bye," he said.  Small talk, small talk, small talk, he makes some mention of seeing each other again, I sarcastically half laugh and say, "Oh yeah, when?" He says, "This week???"  (though inner monologue was saying 'don't hold your breath'.)  I give him a hug good bye, told him it was great to see him and left.  And the 5 minute drive home all I could think was, "Didn't he used to be taller?"  I guess when you hold a memory in your mind it plays back like on TV - actors SEEM tall but the cameras and camera angles just make them appear that way.

The following evening I had Merecedes' housewarming - my first and only friend in LA to own, not rent.  Before heading there, Shadow texted to ask if it was a problem if a previous plantonic male friend comes - we'll calm him "Greg" - before I could respond to the text, Shadow had decided maybe it wasn't.  I told her that it wasn't myplace to invite or not invite someone as I am not the hostess.  Hostess said NO for the record.  When I finally arrived among friends and strangers, I couldn't believe the words coming out of Shadow's mouth when she read her text from a mutual friend D, "She's on her way. Oh. (pause)  She's bringing Greg."  Without hesitation I quip, "WHAT?!!!!?" Sure enough, homeboy showed up.  WTF?  Even off his look of sheer delight of seeing me, I had to act my way out of the sitation. I politely gave a half hug and semi smile and then ignored him for the rest of the night. D, while getting a tour, says to Miss J, "Is it a problem that Greg is here?"  Miss J, my friend who is up front and honest says, "Look, we're all adults, but no, it's not."  And by ignore I literally mean I carried on with my friends like he wasn't even there because he shouldn't have been.  Near the end of the gathering, he cornered me in the kitchen.  "Hey!" and not to be a total bitch, I tried to make small talk but I wasn't that interested in hearing anything he had to say because we hadn't talked in months and nothing in his life had changed - I was bored.  And if you knew me, and you can't see my face when I type, but I have a hard time controlling my expression; whatever my brain is thinking, my face is saying.  But I just looked at him with a straight face as he went on, and on, and on about himself.  THEN he invited me and my friends to go to a bar with them, I politely passed.  Shadow and some friends wnated to meet up for one last drink but - and I don't want to admit this - seeing Greg just killed my night for me.  Not only did myself and my friends say no to him being there, he came anyway and while he knows my friends through me, it's not normal that he wanted to be there unless someone was plotting.  D even asked Shadow, "Does Bradshaw have feelings for Greg?" and again, without hesitation and brutal honesty, she says, "No!" WTF?  And if the combo of running into Biggie the night before mixed with having to see p.p. Greg wasn't enough, I am thankful for two things:  1) that my friends have my back, and 2) that I didn't go get that last drink because Shadow ran into...Biggie.  Yes, again.

Now, I'm a busy girl with a great life so I don't let that all affect me for too long.  About a week went by and I was up late working on stuff for school and just couldn't keep my eyes open a moment longer so I called it a night, and once in my room I discovered that my my phone was blinking.  I crawled into bed and looked to see that I had a new alert from FB; it's a message from ...Greg.  I thought to myself, 'well, it took a week' while I quickly read the message as my eyelids grew heavy.  something like "Hey, thought I'd drop by and say hi. Maybe we can meet up sometime and catch up." I fall asleep and again in the morning wake up to see if I really read it right.  Hmm. This guy has my phone number and email but is contacting me by a social networking site?  Strange.  Then a few days passed and I didn't respond and had a new voicemail when I got out of class...it was from Greg.  Some talk about how he was at my work and wanted a favor.  Being that I don't really consider us good friends anymore, it was interesting to me that he reached out to enlist my help for a task that didn't need to involve me at all.  Is is just a REACH?

And in the midst of all this, my status with Miles had turned...we have been in constant contact since my email.  Lots of texting, emailing and phone calls.  We were back to where we were a year earlier but seems different.  Now it should be noted that we have had tentative plans to see each other at least 3 x in the past 3 months and every time plans fell through.  It was hard to keep faith that we had been working towards 'something' but I believed then and I believe now that he isn't like any other guy out there.  Some might question why entertain  myself with someone who lives in a complete different state and coast than me, but again he's not like others.  Why was I disappointed every time things fell through? Duh.  But his frustration was equal.  And it won't be until I see this man again, face to face, in the same time zone, will I be able to prove my theory right.  But at the end of the day, it's nice to know there's someone out there who has you on their mind.  And we have plans to see each other when I go see my family for Thanksgiving so looks like things might finally ignite...and as mentioned above, it's nice to know someone is counting the days until they see you.  I mean, just the other day he text me with "14 more days..."  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited or nervous, let's call it exvous or nerited. ha ha ha  I never thought in all my life I would be in this perdicament - let alone putting myself in the risk of the unknown.  I guess when you get to be in your 30s, you stop playing games and start taking chances...(like the Celine Dion song)


Man-Date: Optimstic.  Lathering up the sunblock...

Glitter in the Air

Have you ever fed your lover with just your hands?  

Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it

Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?

Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return

The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn

The thunder before lightning, the breath before the phrase

Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?

Your whole life waiting on the the ring to prove you're not alone

Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?

Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion

The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run

The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames

Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever wished for an endless night?

Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight

Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself 

Will it ever get better than tonight?

- Pink 

Maybe He IS Just That Into You

Miss J sent me this article from Glamour's blogger Single-ish, which is a go-to of what is really going on with women, and some men too.  Allow me to share:


“I just don’t understand what happened,” cried my friend after meeting the guy of her dreams. “...now he's just…vanished.” I told her to just forget it and move on, but what she did instead might surprise you…(Friend met the guy while visiting family in Phoenix, and despite the distance, she felt sure that they’d keep in touch. But after a few sporadic phone calls, he stopped reaching out, and she was heartbroken.)
“I hate to say it,” I said, “but maybe he’s just not that into—” “No no!” she protested. “I know where you’re going with this and, HONESTLY, he was. He really was! I think I’m going to email him.”
Normally, I don’t think it’s a great idea to pour your guts out to a guy who isn’t calling. Boys know how phones work. If they want to reach you, they will. But she needed closure, so I gave her the green light. He already wasn’t talking to her, how much worse could it get? She sent him a simple, straight-forward email about how she was bummed... because she thought he was really interesting and special.

And you know what? He wrote back gushing about how much he agreed and hadn’t called because he worried she viewed him as just a vacation fling. He also said that he didn’t want to embarrass himself by putting his feelings out there, and was so happy that she had taken the first step.

Her theory is that the whole He’s Just Not That Into You movement prompted women to throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble, when, really, guys get nervous too and it’s OK to give them some encouragement.


And after I read this entry that Miss J had sent me and we discussed over cocktails, I realized it sounded a lot like me and Miles.

Mancation Status:  Stepping into the sunshine. Hopeful and optimistic.  

Up in the Air

September 2009, I was anxious to get to back to LA after an emotionally draining weekend home to attend my grandfather's funeral.  Having had booked my last minute flight with my miles, I was stoked when I discovered I had "priority access" which meant I could board the plane before most which eased my loathing of air travel!!


Barreling down the aisle with my suitcase banging into every other seats' edge, I eyeball my seat/row to see a gentleman already seated in my row - on the aisle no less, which is my seat of choice.  I throw my bag and purse past him into the middle seat and say, "Hi, I'm here."  Then I whip around to score an overhead space.  He stands and asks, "Can I help you with you bag?"  Too stubborn for my own good, I say nicely, "No, thank you, I got it."  And with all my super human woman strength, I pick up my leopard luggage and throw it above my head laterally; however not being an inconsiderate person, I flipped it long so it could fit more suitcases.  I then sat down in my seat and set up my station for the next 3 1/2 hours - iPod, laptop, bottle of water.


Once airborn, I took out my laptop to write this blog - ironically it was still very new in its phases and I was still working out the "kinks".  The gentleman next to me kept quiet but I could sense he was watching me.  Finally he asked, "What are you writing?" "A blog," I said kindly. "Really? What's it about?" he quickly said.  Nervous about anyone knowing about my new blog, let alone admitting what it was about, I said coyly, "Uh, it's about dating actually."  He asked a whole bunch of questions before I revealed the name of it: Mancation.  That peaked his interest moreso and even matter-of-factly said, "I ask a lot of questions because I'm nosey like that because I just want to know."


Plane Guy with an E not an I - also known on my blog as Miles - broke this crabby traveler of solitude and silence by keeping my attention and the conversation flowing for the FULL flight.  And even at the exchange of our dating horror stories, and some of my funny tales, this guy (knowing I wasn't dating) asked me to dinner in hopes he could learn more.  I couldn't say no to an offer like that, even if it was against my 'mancation rules'.  And if you have read or followed my blog from the beginnig, then you already know of the tale of Miles.   Two dates - one in September (2 days after we met on our outbound flight) and one in October.  Both were great dates.  A lot of promise.  A lot of great conversation, laughs, and kisses.  But the reality of the situation always was that we live in two different cities, in two different states.  There was a falling off point somewhere that was never and may never really be defined - and that's okay.  But as a reader/follower, you then know that I hadn't forgotten about my travel companion and reached out to him back in June of this year in an email.


I quickly and carefully composed this email and then shut down my computer and went to bed.  Upon waking I asked myself, "Was that a dream or did I send that?"  Booting up my computer I saw that Miles had responded.  I gasped without opening it.  I went through every rational and irrational thought.  "He's going to tell me to F off!"  "He's going to not get why I emailed him at all." "Maybe he'll write a sentence as simple as thanks."  "I can't read it!  Go make some coffee."  Came back to my computer with a cup of Joe in my hand and still stare at my inbox.  Instead decide to jump in the shower.  Hop out, again with my coffee and decide to rip it off like a band aid.  "This is the only way you can know, Bradshaw, open it."  If you've read "Remember the Miles..." post, then you know what he said.


What's the moral of the tale here?  In life and dating you have to be brave.  Brave to tell him what you want.  Brave to put yourself out there.  Brave to fall on your face.  Brave to know what you want and aren't afraid to go after it.  And if something feels or felt right that you feel wasn't resolved, be brave to put it into the universe that you want to see where the cards fall.  Worse case scenario?  Silence.  Best case scenario?  Well, the possibilities are endless...

3-Date Fall Challenge

Oh, you're intrigued already?  There's more to this "idea" or "theory".

If you've never read Cindy Chupack's "The Between Boyfriends Book" (she was also a writer on Sex and the City) then you need to read up on "Halloweenies" before I post.

The 3-Date Fall Challenge is on!

Here's how we break it down, us single girls that is.  Los Angeles is full of singles, however not all of them are "available" in that we all are looking to be with someone we have a great time with, laugh with, have good chemistry with, but what gives? Why aren't we coupled up if we have so many options?  I refuse to admit that LA has it the worse when it comes to dating.  Now that me and my girlfriends are in our thirties, do we suddenly have to appoach dating different in hopes for different results?  The Trifecta discussed and we need to come up with a new objective: The 3-Date Challenge.

Here's the deal, three dates before Halloween.  Why? Because if you don't lock it in before Halloween, then Thanksgiving is apporaching and that's when you face the fall-off (guys decide not to commit because they can't commit to the holiday round up - meals with family or friends for Thanksgiving, Xmas with family or friends and then it's New Years.  Oh the pressure!  All the family and quality time with loved ones, apparently is too much for most guys - not all let me add.   Oh you think 3 dates before Halloween is a breeze???????  Well my friend, fellow reader, let me add to the pot, must be 3 dates with the SAME guy before Halloween.  Do you fold?  Or do you throw in another chip??

Ah, so you up for the challenge?  Awesome.  So far Miss J was the only one with the luck.  KGB went out once with Hottie Bartender, and even after our Trifecta affect, well she never heard from him again.  And me, well Mac already had shown me his cards -but talked like he was ready to enter back into the dating world - but alas, just a middle-aged man who is content with where life has led him.  Good for him and all, I mean when I ran into him a couple of weeks ago, all I could do was hug him hello, tell him that it was nice to see him (though it wasn't cause at that moment it had been 10 days without a call back, let alone a first date).  I am happy I stood my ground to not go there cause I am looking for a guy who can give me what I am looking for.  So back to Miss J - and Lumberjack.  First date went well that it lasted about 12 hours!  Second date, when that finaly happened was anotehr extend-a-date and seemed like she was going to lock in date #3 until she was left wondering when the hell that would happen.  Still waiting...

And here's what we (us women) know about date #3 - it's the gateway of what's to come so why do guys fear it?  Again, let me add not all guys are afraid, just most.  But you do know us women sit around and dicuss this kind of stuff when it comes to dating and can't help but wonder what's all the drama?  If you like us, just land the 3rd date.  We can figure out the rest as it comes!!