About a week ago...Three women set out for a night out together - me, Shadow and Mercedes were overdue for some girl time. After catching up over a delicious serving (or two) of Mercedes' matzo ball soup), we decided to grab "a" drink at one of our local hangs.
It was surprisingly busy and both our friendly bartenders were working. FIRST, the three of us were approached by a curious 3 some, you'll see why I say that.... Earlier in the evening over matzo balls, I said to my girls, "I don't want to be in my 40s and single, AND looking." While seated at the bar next to Mercedes, I always take in my surroundings when I noticed the 3 some get up from a table in the main dining area and went back to my conversation. Then I happened to turn and caught glimpse of the older Asian lady dressed for something that wasn't appropriate to where we were (who was part of this 3 some). I put my head down and laughed. Mercedes wanted to know what my inner moment was about and I said,
"Remember my comment I made earlier? It just showed itself to me." Then without warning, Asian lady was in my space.
In. My. Space. Asking if it was girls night out, where are all the hot guys, what's my story; too many questions from a stranger, in my opinion. And what's worse is she continued to invade my space. Hey, I'm a little particular, so sue me, but if I don't know you, I don't need you to get that close - physically. I closed off my body language to try to give this woman a clue but it seemed a trigger for her to lean in closer, touch more, and frankly, she smelled! What did she smell like? Well, dirty old woman and just bad oral hygiene.
Ewww! I happend to get the opportunity to look over my shoulder to check in with my girls and both were locked into conversations with the other two - a married couple. My instinct said, ABORT but I was literally pinned against the bar and didn't know how to escape until Shadow asked if I wanted to go out to the smoking patio with her,
"YES!" I didn't hesitate. And the weirdest thing was the man in the scenario,
"Bradshaw. Hey." "I didn't meet you?" He says, "
No, but I heard you introduce yourself and your name is the only I remember." Eww. Did we escape? Or was this a time out from the inevitable awkward,
"Hey I'm not that into you?"
On the smoking porch, we were approached by a guy desparate for a ciggy. He was nice and funny enough that we let him hang around. As we re-hatched what the hell was happening inside (as those weirdos were 'keeping our seats warm'), our new friend, Tattoo, stayed entertained. As I told Shadow of how uncomfortable that older woman, smelly Asian woman was making me, place before I politely and bluntly said,
"I don't know know what you're looking for but I don't think it's here." We stayed and talked to Tattoo long enough that the 3 some left to go seek out their next victims. Yes, folks, I'm convinced they were swingers hoping us three were going to join the party - without going into too many specifics.
Ewwww. Well, Tattoo served up another turn to the evening. His dog just died so he took up smoking (but had no ciggys on him?) and he wasn't over his ex who was a 'cutter' and when pressed for how long it's been since they broke up, he says,
"13 months." I'm sorry but that was weird and no guy speaks in
months, they round up, by counting exactly 1 year and a month makes it more clear that you
aren't OVER HER. I'm not interested but you know he was interested in Shadow, it was soooo obvious. But here's the kicker, he then mentions that he's there on a blind date? WTF. But the girl was a total "c word" and he doesn't want to be out with her.
Ewww.
Back inside: Mercedes went off to talk to 2 guys and so me and Shadow sat ourselves at the bar talking and she says
"Biggie is here." I see him prance in with this obviously very drunk, little red head. Hmm, ok.
Yes, readers that Biggie! We go on talking, I wondering what's taking the bartender so long to bring me another damn drink and then other bartender says,
"5, 6, 7, 8, look!" (a nickname from the past when I was dating Biggie). Knowing he's standing there, I politely smile in his direction and he (and the red head) come over to say hello. Upon closer viewing, I realize I know her because she dated Biggie's BFF in '05 when I dated Biggie, the same friend who just got married a few weeks ago so I knew they're not "together, together" because he may be him but he woudln't hook up with his best friend's ex = bro code. He gives me a giant Biggie hug and says in my ear, "
Can I kiss you now?" I says,
"Do you want to?"
"Yes!" I didn't know how to respond to that so I sat back down and grabbed my drink. He says hello to Shadow and I re-introduce her to Red and standing there smiling at me and Biggie says,
"the gang's back together!" He goes off to talk to his friends and I go check on Cedes and then Shadow's off's smoking one one guy or another. I get into a great discussion with Cedes' interest's friend. Cool dude, married though, not really my type but awesome to talk to. Red falls into me in a drunk stupor, and previously had spilled her drink on me. Biggie puts her in a chair and bartender gives her water. Biggie is trying to pick up this girl who looks like she walked out of a Whitsnake video - Tight little dress, tights and hooker shoes, and she was TALL with big blonde hair. I thought he liked brunettes? And all I kept thinking was
"Wasn't he taller?" cause he looked so short and so ordinary among the crowd. Biggie's friend gets kicked out and causes a huge scene and Biggie lets him go - alone - what a shit friend!
Ewwww We (the girls) end up staying till the lights come on and he comes over and says,
"What are you guys doing now?" which I didn't know if he really wanted to know or was alluding to some after hours - wink wink. I tell him I'm going home and that it was clear he wasn't heading home alone. BTW, the way he acted w/ this girl was the way he acted w/ me the last time we hung out. But he kept asking, "
What are you doing now? What are you doing now?" hugging on me. Shadow says,
"You two are cute together." I'm mortified that she said that, and he giggles. Then, wait for it, he starts kissing on my neck and I'm thinking WTF and says,
"I'm so messed up." We just turn and leave. I'm not here to rescue him. If we were both in our 20s that might be semi-endearing, instead I found it pathetic that a 40-something guy didn't have a clue or a grip. I dodged that bullet, thank goodness. I mean I'm thankful for the time we spent together but have NO interest in going back there!
Man Date - bring on Miles. I'm ready!
